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AIBU?

To be sick to death of being treated like dirt by my teen.

33 replies

fc301 · 13/09/2016 18:35

1st time OP so go gentle.
Eldest DC is 14. She is almost always aggressive and selfish. This has been going on for about 8 years as she is desperate to be independent of me.
Generally I try to rise above but every now and then (like today) I lose it and assert that I will not be treated like this. DH generally takes her side / keeps the peace.
Just need some reassurance and advice as I am learning on the job here.
Background I've just spent about £500 (which we can't afford) redecorating her room, new bed, duvet cover, blind, printer(!) hence my frustration...

OP posts:

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nickEcave · 14/09/2016 16:02

Oh god, this could be my DD and she is 6 now! She has no real conception of herself as a child - she thinks she is an adult and should be completely independent. She will not let me help her with anything, eg. insisted on dressing herself from the age of 2, tried to leave school and come home by herself at the age of five. It is an integral part of her personality and I have to try and facilitate her independence as much as possible whilst trying to keep her safe. It is exhausting and I dread the teenage years so much as she is already a real risk-taker with no sense of danger.

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hellsbellsmelons · 14/09/2016 16:10

I hear ya!
My DD was a horror.
I had no-one to back me up or undermine me.
No fun at all.
But..... She hit 16 and really turned it around.
She's a lovely 18 YO now.
This will pass but you do need your DH to be on the same page as you and back you up.
It won't work otherwise!

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GoldFishFingerz · 14/09/2016 18:03

Can you go to counselling together?

Is she secure in feeling loved?

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MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2016 18:09

A pattern that has taken 8 years to establish isn't going to be solved with a few parenting tips. There is plenty of advice people could give you but both of you have been swimming in this sea for so long that it's going to take a lot to change things and a long time, some of which will be 'worse before it is better'. Parenting classes, hopefully for both you and DH. For a start.

Also I loved How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. But that is in addition to classes.

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Firebe · 30/03/2020 22:21

I've just found this, it could have been me writing this post. Has she changed? Like you my dad is a controlling person, as someone said the other day he gets caring mixed up with interfering. Like you, I worry about how she will become. She is unsympathetic, lacks empathy, lazy but again, with others I see a glimmer of loveliness. Also like you husband doesn't back me up, causes so many rows, I am very unhappy, if I could run, I would.

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Purpletigers · 30/03/2020 22:26

I was a god awful teen . I would have benefited from some counselling and medical investigation . Is this an option going forward ?
In my defence , it was most likely severe pms. I needed help . I didn’t get any .

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Purpletigers · 30/03/2020 22:27

Just realised this is years old .

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formerbabe · 30/03/2020 22:33

I don't agree that they behave this way because you let them, that is too simplistic. Some kids are just harder than others

I completely agree.

My ds is 12 and can be completely obnoxious to me. He has a nice life...we're a nice family, we have a nice house, he is clever and popular at school. He is loved and has everything he needs. Yet he can speak to me like I'm shit. Op...you have my sympathy.