Is it rude to ask people to take their shoes off?

[ppandj]

We have wooden floorboards downstairs with rugs on, vinyl in the kitchen and carpet up the stairs and all the way through the upstairs of our house. The vinyl is no problem because it can be easily cleaned. However, pretty much everyone in my and DP's families leaves their shoes on when they come round. I must hoover up about every other day just because of the little bits that get trampled around. Now that it's been a bit wetter outside there are clumps of mud all over the rugs. I always take my shoes off in other people's house, unless they say not to. WIBU to ask them to take their shoes off? I'm prepared to provide slippers/socks!

[DeadGood]

"Not coming again doesn't mean throwing a tantrum to the host FFS - you just don't bother going again. I imagine there are a minority of people who would be in this situation (since most people's lives are basically echo chambers) so in most cases it wouldn't apply."

Huh? I never said anything about tantrums.
Stop reading stuff into my posts that isn't there. I'm just saying that there is an element of "I don't like putting myself out for you, so I refuse to set foot in your house again" about it all. (I realise it goes both ways but it's just be helpful for both parties to admit it!)

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

But the shoes off person is adhering to their rules so the other person can go along with it or not

Chances are you wouldn't know if they decided not to visit again because of that, so why would you be 'saddened'? And if it bothers you that much, you need to decide whether it's worth being flexible or not. It is your house, it's entirely up to you what rules you have.

[StStrattersOfMN]

Shoes in house is horrible and unhygienic.

[DeadGood]

Livia I clearly chose a word you don't like as you keep going back to it. Forget I said "saddened", ok? Please.
Here's what I'm getting at

• Shoes Off invites Shoes On round.
  
• Shoes On removes shoes but makes mental note to never come again.
  
• Shoes Off invites Shoes On round again 6 months later.
  
• Shoes On refuses.
  
• Shoes Off doesn't know why.
  
• Friendship carries on but there is lingering weirdness about why Shoes On won't come round.
  

Just seems a shame that people are refusing to go back to people's houses for no reason! I still don't get what people's reasons for wanting to keep their shoes on are. The people with conditions that affect their feet, fine, keep em on. Everyone else? Still don't get it.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

The only reason I picked up on the word is because it's a total overreaction to a situation.

And why do people pretend on here that they don't understand why someone would do something different to them? it might not be your bag, but is it really such an intellectual leap to understand why someone might do something a different way?

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Some people see being made to remove shoes as unwelcoming. I don't (I don't actually visit people or have them in my home so it's not an issue for me) but it's obviously a little complicated for some posters to get their heads round.

[dahliasandbiro]

I never know how much leeway to give to older people. I'm sure my FIL is capable of taking his shoes off, but he makes such a fuss about it that we tend to let it go at the moment. Much younger MIL then doesn't bother taking shoes off and before you know it the whole family on DH's side don't take their shoes off. I hate it.

[PepsiPenguin]

Can I point out to the 'shoes off' brigade who so kindly provide slippers for their visitors that its beyond gross that multiple people are wearing the slippers and sharing their fungal infections and verucas

Well I have posh hotel style slippers, after someone has worn them they are washed at a high temperature, no different to a house guest using one of my guest towel that someone has previously used before.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

People don't know that though - how do people know that your standards of hygiene are acceptable and that they have been washed, rather than still covered in someone else's manky feet germs? After all, germs are everywhere....

[FinnegansCake]

I feel very uncomfortable if I have to remove my shoes and remain barefoot as I have awful feet and I'm extremely self-conscious about how hideous they look. I don't mind so much if I'm wearing socks, or if slippers are provided. As long as the slippers look clean!

My DF used to hate it if people walked barefoot on the carpets, for him sweaty feet were worse than a bit of dirt from shoes.

[PepsiPenguin]

Because I have the ability to speak and tell them...

[JellyBelli]

'Bring slippers or go barefoot'.

Has never caused offence so far. A few raised eyebrows, but no offence.

[PepsiPenguin]

But there are exceptions to my no shoe rule so if I had a delivery for example that required someone coming in (had a sofa delivered not so long ago) I wouldn't inist the drivers take off their shoes and if an elder relative who would struggle I wouldn't insist they do it by the door (my only relative who would have an issue doesn't wear shoes in her house and carries slippers every where with her) I've also had a dinner party where I didn't ask people to remove their shoes but half my guests did because they no we don't wear shoes and half of them don't at their home either.

But anyone else on day visits and pop ins I would prefer them to remove their shoes, we don't wear shoes and it saves so much work I also think it's unhygienic and as its my home so I think it's my choice and none of my friends have an issue with it - well none of them have never returned after a first visit anyway :)

[AmeliaLeopard]

I avoid houses where there is a "shoes off" rule. It makes me uncomfortable so I'd never choose to visit there. That isn't "no reason". Other people might not get why it makes me uncomfortable, but it just does. Their house, their rules so I wouldn't complain, but if I'm uncomfortable in someone's house why the hell would I go back?!

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

I agree Amelia. I hate taking my shoes off in other people's houses, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, I'm not sure why, but it does.
I would never traipse muddy shoes into someone's house, that would be rude, but if there is no visable dirt on them I don't see the necessity of taking them off. The germs thing is just bollocks as far as I'm concerned.

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Also... The thought of wearing someone else's socks or slippers. Ugh. No.

[SenecaFalls]

Every time I see one of these threads, I wonder is this a particularly British divide? I'm American and pretty old and have never been asked to remove my shoes in a house in the US, but have in the UK. I'm happy to comply although right now I'm recovering from foot surgery and literally cannot walk unless I am wearing shoes.

[MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity]

I have a big bristly mat outside and a good mat inside the door. These mean shoes on is fine and my floors stay clean.

Until my kids run in. And out. And in. And out. And in. (Never once wiping their grassy, wet or muddy feet.)

Maybe I should insist on a no shoes rule to discourage my children and their dozens of pals from running in and out every 5 mins. They'd get annoyed at taking shoes off and putting them back on again.

[SenecaFalls]

I never know how much leeway to give to older people.

I would suggest giving them a lot of leeway. It can be quite dangerous for older people to walk around barefoot. Foot issues are very common as people age and they might not want to give you all the medical details on arriving at your house.

[YoungGirlGrowingOld]

Meh, I don't mind DH being a tad anally retentive rorty - prefer that to him being a filthy bugger. (Admittedly I wish he wouldn't strip down to his pants in the lobby when he gets home from his ward rounds..as I am sure our neighbours do.)

[PenelopeFlintstone]

'Shoes off' to me feels a bit Hyacinth Bucket. Like leaving plastic covers on sofas.

[Coughingchildren5]

If people are rude enough to keep on their dirty outdoor shoes I don't think you should worry about reminding them to take them off! You can leave a sign up and a shoe mat in the hall to try prompt people into a new habit. There are often decorative charming signs in housey shops which will help soften the blow for those who find if difficult to understand the new house rules.

[FoxesOnSocks]

I think there are two worlds: one where everyone takes thier shoes off inside and another where no body does. This is the only explanation for the 'I don't know anyone who ..." malarkey.

These worlds only connect on MN which causes revulsion and terror that one day someone from the other worlds may visit. There should be a horror film about it: The Fearful Feet

I once was in Japan and was told not to take my shoes off inside. True story.

[QuodPeriitPeriit]

It amazes me the amount of angst this topic can generate. And what rigid rules some people live their lives by. I leave my shoes on at home if I feel like it, take them off if I feel like it. My house is perfectly clean thanks (ok not perfectly but more than adequately). We don't live in a bog, or traipse through pig shit on the way to the door. I prefer my guests to do whatever makes them feel comfortable in my house.

I find the ridicule directed at Borp for asking guests to wash hands by the shoes-off-for-hygiene-reasons people odd. There are bacteria on everything you touch, not just on the ground. It makes at least as much sense to ask people to wash hands as to ask them to remove shoes.

[oblada]

To follow on from what the pp has said I do find it quite sad as well that some people would choose not to come back to a house just because they're been asked to remove their shoes. It seems like a very narrow minded and ignorant approach. In many cultures it is highly offensive to keep shoes in the house and therefore shoes off is the rule. It's the case for us. DH and me come from different cultures but both 'shoes off'. Our friends all ask if they need to remove their shoes. And I do whenever I go anywhere. I find the idea of everyone walking in a house with shoes on a bit odd and dirty but if friends decided to do this in their house I would still come back of course, their house!! If a friend told me they found it uncomfortable to take their shoes off I would tell them to keep them on.

Luckily for me I don't need a sign, I have a 5yrs old who will ensure everyone knows how things are done in our house LOL:)