Is it rude to ask people to take their shoes off?

[ppandj]

We have wooden floorboards downstairs with rugs on, vinyl in the kitchen and carpet up the stairs and all the way through the upstairs of our house. The vinyl is no problem because it can be easily cleaned. However, pretty much everyone in my and DP's families leaves their shoes on when they come round. I must hoover up about every other day just because of the little bits that get trampled around. Now that it's been a bit wetter outside there are clumps of mud all over the rugs. I always take my shoes off in other people's house, unless they say not to. WIBU to ask them to take their shoes off? I'm prepared to provide slippers/socks!

[YoungGirlGrowingOld]

Haha squoosh - come over! The ducks are friendly and/or tasty!

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

But not going back is fine and a perfectly legitimate choice!

[DeadGood]

younggirl I love your post! Tee hee!

waitrose I totally agree

[DeadGood]

"But not going back is fine and a perfectly legitimate choice!"

It doesn't feel at all "toys out of the pram"-ish to you?

[littlepeas]

All these 'germs' are good for the immune system! I wonder whether being a more shoes off in the house sort of society has contributed to increased incidence of allergies on children. My most allergic friend (carries epipen), is also the biggest clean freak and has a very strict shoes off rule.........

[HeadDreamer]

I think it's very rude to not take your shoes off at other people's house. I really hate mud on rugs and carpets. I always watch if the host has outdoor shoes or slippers, socks or barefeet at home. This gives me a clue if I should take off my shoes. I don't need to be asked to follow house rules. And I would expect it's NBU anyone not picking up on the hint to be asked.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

And the shoes off people always use words like 'scummy'.

Its rude to keep your shoes on in a shoes off house and vice versa.

But this looking down noses at shoes on people is rather snobbish and pathetic.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

It doesn't feel at all "toys out of the pram"-ish to you?

No more than having a PA hissy fit about 'scummy' people not taking their shoes off or having one of those twee signs at the door!

[Natsku]

I wonder whether being a more shoes off in the house sort of society has contributed to increased incidence of allergies on children

I have a shoes-off house but have no problem with DD rolling around in the mud outside, caught her licking the supermarket floor once even. I'm not worried about germs, I just don't want to have to hoover and mop every fucking day because the floor looks dirty from shoes tracking in dirt and gravel and snow and stuff.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

The only thing that surprises me if the fact that some of the shoes off lot don't seem to be aware that not everyone has the same rules - there is always this bullshit 'I don't know anyone would do this' kind of comments

[DeadGood]

Livia I think it comes down to this

Shoes off: "I think shoes on inside is dirty and means I have to clean more"

Shoes on: "I have no real reason to keep my shoes on other than it's what I'm used to"

That is why I feel like Shoes Off should trump Shoes On. Happy to be proven wrong but don't feel that any convincing arguments have been offered

[WaitrosePigeon]

I've always been brought up to take your shoes off in other people's houses. My DH is the opposite.

Your house your rules. When people come to my house they take their shoes off, I've never had to ask them.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

But why should one trump the other? Do what you want in your own house, people can follow suit or not come again. Shoes on people don't have to justify why!

It's not worth the angst on either side

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Although there are plenty of reasons given on the these threads by shoes on people.

I would think it rude for someone to take their shoes off in my home, everyone's different

Except I'm sure we can all agree on the otter

[AlecTrevelyan006]

I often wonder if the shoes-off brigade have a time limit on these things. I mean, what happens if you're going in and out of the house unloading the car from shopping or some such. Do you take your shoes off every time?

What about if your son's mates pop round before going to the pub - do you make them all take theie shoes off while sitting in the living room for five minutes?

I can't be doing with all the hassle. It all seems a bit of a faff. Besides which I live in a town, not in the middle of Mordor where visitors have trekked through firey mountains and dank forests.

And I have a vacuum cleaner.

[ppandj]

Livia I promise I did not realise this was such a huge debate! I was just sighing at the mud and thought "maybe I could ask". I shan't bother next time!

[DeadGood]

"Do what you want in your own house, people can follow suit or not come again."

Struggling to put this into words. Don't you think that people who threaten to "never come again" are in some way trying to punish the hosts?

Don't you think a Shoes Off person would be saddened to have someone refuse to come to their house? Over something so small?

[weegiemum]

Like a couple of pps, I have a disability that means "shoes off" is painful and awkward for me - and removing/replacing shoes is awkward and embarrassing as my hands are also affected and i need help to tie my shoelaces (I can only wear lace up shoes for comfort).

I suppose a shoes off person would have to console themselves with the knowledge that i don't walk on pavements much as I need my wheelchair to go very much distance :(

[DeadGood]

"what happens if you're going in and out of the house unloading the car from shopping or some such. Do you take your shoes off every time?"

I'd take all the bags to the door. Go back and forth. Then once all the bags were just inside the door, I'd go inside, take my shoes off and ferry everything to the kitchen.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Not coming again doesn't mean throwing a tantrum to the host FFS - you just don't bother going again. I imagine there are a minority of people who would be in this situation (since most people's lives are basically echo chambers) so in most cases it wouldn't apply.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Don't you think a shoes on person would be 'saddened' by having to inconvenience themselves?

It may not appear very welcoming anyway

[Paintedhandprints]

I've rekaxed on this a bit. I prefer shoes off but grew up in a shoes on household. Mother loved scrubbing the cream carpets. 🤔 When the carpets were new she got these plastic sheets to put down. But never once suggested no shoes!
We have hard floors throughout thw groundfloor amd carpets upstairs. The stairgate is their to stop visitors going upstairs. Not the toddler. Rugs can be put away when the shoes on people visit. Then resign yourself to hoovering and mopping.
My 2yo automatically goes to sit on the step and take his shoes off.

[OrangeFluff]

Shoes off people, please at least provide somewhere to sit for your guests when they are removing/putting on shoes. I have dyspraxia, so terrible balance, and I find it very embarrassing trying to get my shoes on/off whilst standing in a hallway with people stood around me. I need a seat!

[Pineappletastic]

We're a 'do what you like' household. But unless you're staying for hours and might like to put your feet up I'd recommend shoes on (especially if you aren't wearing socks - because I hate feet), we have a substantial mat for wiping.

We have wooden floors and rugs, and a dog and two cats (trust me they don't wipe their feet). When the dog was toilet training we encouraged guests to keep their shoes on, I stepped in shit in my socks more than once!

We also have a house where access to the back garden is through the house, so if we're having a BBQ you'd have to carry your shoes through and put them back on. I'm sure all this will change as soon as the expected-any-day DC starts licking the floor (though only briefly, once they've grown an immune system it'll be back to normal). I'd usually expect shoes off upstairs.

If I'm at someone else's house and it looks like they might prefer it (wall to wall carpet/shoe rack/no dogs/v. clean floors), or my shoes are dirty, then I'll take them off (I was raised in a no shoe household, my mum brings her slippers when she visits), if they traipse through their own house in their wellies with their dogs I'll leave mine on too.

I don't see how it's difficult to read shoe cues, if in doubt I'll start taking them off (I would generally assume shoes off unless I know better or their floors look a bit ming) very slowly and wait for the host to say otherwise if they'd rather I kept them on. I don't generally omit socks though, I would be less comfortable if I were barefoot I think.

[RortyCrankle]

Can I point out to the 'shoes off' brigade who so kindly provide slippers for their visitors that its beyond gross that multiple people are wearing the slippers and sharing their fungal infections and veruccas.

YoungGirlGrowingOld
I think he has high-functioning OCD - no matter what time of day/morning we check in to a hotel he cleans it with Dettol from top to bottom and refuses to walk on the carpets without plastic slippers because people wear outdoor shoes in hotel rooms! He also replaces all the bath/shower mats in our house every week (even though they are perfectly washable) because germs. I worry about his carbon footprint!

I would be more worried about your DH's mental health rather than his carbon footprint.