Is it rude to ask people to take their shoes off?

[ppandj]

We have wooden floorboards downstairs with rugs on, vinyl in the kitchen and carpet up the stairs and all the way through the upstairs of our house. The vinyl is no problem because it can be easily cleaned. However, pretty much everyone in my and DP's families leaves their shoes on when they come round. I must hoover up about every other day just because of the little bits that get trampled around. Now that it's been a bit wetter outside there are clumps of mud all over the rugs. I always take my shoes off in other people's house, unless they say not to. WIBU to ask them to take their shoes off? I'm prepared to provide slippers/socks!

[treaclesoda]

I don't think it is rude to ask people to take their shoes off.

However, it is rude to suggest that people who don't do it automcatically have no manners, which is something that is often stated on these threads.

I don't know anyone who does the shoes off indoors thing, have never been in a house where it seems to be the norm. If I go into one and someone tells me, of course I'll take my shoes off, but if no one asks how would I know?

At the opposite end of the spectrum, I was brought up to think that it was incredibly rude indeed to take your shoes off in someone else's house. It is hard to shake off what you were raised with.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Yes, you are rude.
I would offer to remove my shoes if it was very wet/dirty outside, but I would not expect to asked.

[ManaFleet]

Lovely idea to leave a basket of slippers / socks by the door! You could also have a shoe rack to make it clear that shoes get left at the door.

We're a no shoe household for two reasons really: firstly that I don't want dirty shoes stomped through my house. Secondly, who wants to wear outdoor clothes inside? It's not comfy. Home is about being warm and comfy so shoes off and feet up on the sofa. Snuggly socks optional.

In all but flip flop weather I take a pair or cosy socks in my bag so that I can be comfy at other people's houses.

[ManaFleet]

To clarify: I'm not remotely suggesting that my guests are dirty as early posters have said. I wouldn't like someone to sit and drink tea with me in their coat either, it looks like they're prepared to make a dash for it. I want people to relax - it's what my cosy home is all about.

Thinking about it, I don't know anyone who wears shoes in their own house so why would you in someone else's?

[WorraLiberty]

Gosh Borp. In the nicest possible way, I would feel concerned about anyone who acted in that way.

[GinIsIn]

Borp have you thought about speaking to someone about this? It's really not normal behaviour.

[BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington]

if you are/hypothetically were a shoe-leaver-onner, what signals would you pick up on that someone would prefer you took shoes off?

You'd just need to tell me. I've never in my life been in a house that requires shoes to be taken off. But I'm a nice guest and always happy to go along with house rules.

[BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington]

But if someone told me I had to take my shoes off and wash my hands I'd assume I was about to step into a very weird household indeed.

[RortyCrankle]

I think it's rude to demand that visitors remove their shoes - doormats have been invented you know - no need to tread mud/dirt into the house. As for being told to wash my hands - you would be told where to put your running water.

[BelladiNotte]

I'd like to be told it's a non-outdoor shoe house before I get dressed to visit. I certainly wouldn't have worn the down to the ground, covering my high heels, trousers, if I'd know that before accepting a recent invitation to tea at someone's house. I'd have dressed more appropriately.as it was, I had to lift up my trousers and get myself to the nearest chair, sit, and not move again til I could decently leave.
I lived in the Far East for a few years. It was the norm there to take off your shoes at the door. No problems there, I was dressed for it, ie, not wearing trousers 4" too long

[MrsMook]

I'll take my shoes off if they've been worn somewhere dirty, but standard footwear that only goes from pavements to the car is fine in the house.

Shoes off rules are frequently annoying. There's been times when picking someone up where it's taken longer fiddling with ankle straps on shoes than I've spent in the house. Its also impractical with children as often there's not enough space to sort the whole family in the lobby/ hall, then a child escapes or you forgot something, so are you supposed to take them on or off multiple times. My feet don't do slip on shoes or most styles of slippers, so its a faff and uncomfortable on a hard floor.

I have got Japanese in-laws, and shoes off works better in their home as they have designed the hall to have space for the shoes and to put them on, so that's better than most British homes.

In my house, you can do what makes you comfortable. If the carpets have got bitty, I can always vacuum up afterwards!

[MrsRyanGosling15]

I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off. You say you go to such lengths to make people feel comfortable in your home OP but then what if you ask them to take their shoes off and they don't want to? What if their feet smell and they are very aware of it, or they haven't got socks on and are very paranoid about their feet? Then you are just making your guests feel uncomfortable, and that is just rude.

[LivingOnTheDancefloor]

I ask everybody to take their shoes off, and have been doing it since I had DCs.
I don't feel my guests are dirty, but their shoes are! Think about everything that is found on pavements, dog poo, bins, saliva from people spitting, cigarettes/ashes... in my mind, all of this can be found on our shoe soles.

I wouldn't want to see my children sitting/lying on the dirty pavement, but I want them to be able to do so on my carpet. If shoes were to touch the carpet it would (in my mind) make it as dirty as the pavement.

I am willing to accept that I am a bit crazy though. But I would rather be judged by our guests than obsess about all the dirt...

[ppandj]

MrsRyanGosling that's why I asked if it would be rude, posting on a forum before asking my guests. Obviously if I were already asking them to take shoes off I wouldn't have canvassed opinions.

[SaucyJack]

"But then I also have an issue with mil always using our upstairs bathroom."

She probably has a minor anxiety about peeing within earshot. Lots do.

[NicknameUsed]

" I've never in my life been in a house that requires shoes to be taken off."

really? I'm surprised. It is common practice where I live. I don't wear shoes in the house anyway because they aren't as comfy as my slippers.

"We remove shoes and wash hands when we come in from outside, and ask that guests do the same."

You ask people to wash their hands . Borp That is quite bonkers.

I am assuming that those who don't remove shoes wipe their feet very carefully when entering someone else's house?

[TeaAndToast2016]

No I don't think that is unreasonable at all.
I've always been taught to take my shoes off in peoples houses so have always done it. My OH's family NEVER take their shoes off it drives me crazy, my BIL even had the cheek to put his feet on our sofa with his shoes on! I absolutely lost my shit by that point, I know it sounds harsh but I hate it when his side come round because they just have no respect.

[LazySusan11]

I don't ask however I have a basket at the side of the door and people just know to remove shoes. Why would I want folks muck from outside trampled through my carpets that I walk barefoot on?

[JellyBelli]

I've had dog poo and engine oil tracked across my carpet so I dont care if people find it rude any more. I'm not going through that again.

[BabooshkaKate]

The only houses I have been in where shoes were acceptable were dirty anyway - in one case the host actually told me to keep my shoes on to stop my socks getting dirty!

I don't understand why people are uncomfortable taking shoes off in other people's homes either, the Brits have a bizarre relationship with feet with so many claiming that they can't stand the sight of feet, etc

[YoungGirlGrowingOld]

My DH is a bit like Borp! I think he has high-functioning OCD - no matter what time of day/morning we check in to a hotel he cleans it with Dettol from top to bottom and refuses to walk on the carpets without plastic slippers because people wear outdoor shoes in hotel rooms! He also replaces all the bath/shower mats in our house every week (even though they are perfectly washable) because germs. I worry about his carbon footprint!

I am also a shoes-off person but a less extreme one!

[Cellardoor23]

YANBU to a degree. I have wooden floors so i don't find it a big deal as any dirt from shoes is easy to remove. Stepping on the sitting room carpet with dirty shoes on the other hand is a no no.

[IceRoadDucker]

I will never understand why people want to sit around the house wearing shoes.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Wow another shoe thread? This is posted about an awful lot.

Half of the people will say no shoes

Half of them will say shoes on

Both sides will profess faux shock that anyone who has a different opinion exists.

Huge bunfight about germs and manners...