Is it rude to ask people to take their shoes off?

[ppandj]

We have wooden floorboards downstairs with rugs on, vinyl in the kitchen and carpet up the stairs and all the way through the upstairs of our house. The vinyl is no problem because it can be easily cleaned. However, pretty much everyone in my and DP's families leaves their shoes on when they come round. I must hoover up about every other day just because of the little bits that get trampled around. Now that it's been a bit wetter outside there are clumps of mud all over the rugs. I always take my shoes off in other people's house, unless they say not to. WIBU to ask them to take their shoes off? I'm prepared to provide slippers/socks!

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

Yes, very rude. Although it is also rude not to offer to take them off.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

So you have a really sturdy door mat so visitors can wipe their feet properly? I wouldn't be happy with mud in the house.

[BigcatLittlecat]

It is rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes as it there is only one answer they can give without your guest being made to feel awkward. I always take my shoes of in my home and I let others do what they are comfortable with.
I believe that some people think that it is 'smart' or 'posh' to ask people to remove their shoes but it so isn't! It's just putting your soft furnishings above people.

[RiverTam]

If some people think their home furnishings are more important that their guests comfort then they really shouldn't invite people over at all. I would never place my carpet above my mum, as it were. She's 80, she wants to keep her shoes on, she can. Only a twat would make her feel crap about it or bully her into taking them off.

[BorpBorpBorp]

Fenella - yep. I don't want grubby hands all over the furniture, doorhandles, bannisters, books, TV remote, mugs, kettle etc. With people who haven't visited before, I wash my hands after answering the door (which I would do anyway), leave the tap running and tell them I'd left it running for them to wash their hands.

[londonmummy1966]

Most people I know will take their shoes off at a friends house during the day but not if turning up for dinner. A music teacher with a baby did start asking once child began to crawl but that is only fair.

I do remember being at a charity dinner party (fancy dress and you have different courses at different houses). Every one was dressed up to the nines and then the hosts handed us those grotty hotel slippers to put on. Really awkward and not really necessary as they had wooden floors that would have been easy enough to mop down the next morning. They meanwhile were wearing lovely shoes - presumably they only wore them inside?

[ppandj]

RiverTam I don't think anyone has suggested bullying anyone into anything.

[ToffeeForEveryone]

Very very rude. We don't tend to wear shoes at home but I would never ask someone to remove theirs when they came to visit, I think it is horribly rude, it's basically saying they are going to dirty up your nice clean house. And we have cream carpets!

Likewise, it would never occur to me to take my shoes off when going to someone's house. At least, not for that reason - I would take them off at my mum's / sister's place for comfort, but it seems too familiar to do when just generally visiting someone who isn't family.

[ToffeeForEveryone]

"I don't want grubby hands all over the furniture, doorhandles, bannisters, books, TV remote, mugs, kettle etc. With people who haven't visited before, I wash my hands after answering the door (which I would do anyway), leave the tap running and tell them I'd left it running for them to wash their hands."

Borp that is about the most bonkers behaviour I have ever heard. But it does sort of prove my point that asking people to remove shoes etc. is basically telling them they are dirty! (sorry, "grubby").

[GeneralBobbit]

This is Britain and we have very complex rules of etiquette

It's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off (it implies they're dirty, it also says you can't afford to clean things or think that 'things' are more important than your guests comfort)

It's also rude not to offer when you see they're a no shoes, cream carpet house.

So you don't ask, and they always offer.

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

I'm not sure it's rude exactly, but it certainly isn't welcoming. If guests take their shoes off automatically, that's up to them, but I would never tell anybody that they have to, especially since we off leave ours on the house. I don't see what's wrong with just wiping them and making sure they're not coated in mud or dog shite before you come in.
As for forcing people to wash their hands before they're allowed in your house Why don't you just make them wear a hazmat suit so they don't track in any bacteria?

[ppandj]

Londonmummy I agree with daytime/evening difference.

I'm not really bothered in the slightest about "bacteria" as such, it's just that I try to make the house welcoming by keeping it clean and comfortable for people. I usually tidy up for people and put heating on if necessary, light a candle etc. If shoes are dry and visually clean then there is no issue, it's just when they are muddy.

[Yorkieheaven]

I think k it's rude to ask but I think it's rude to not offer. All my kids were taught to take off their shoes and all their friends naturally did anyway.

Mind you sweaty socks leave worse staining marks so clean shoes are actually better.

[soupey1]

I'm afraid my answer is very much more personal as I have a disability which means it would be very difficult for me to walk without shoes, I am unbalanced and it is painful.So I find it awkward to be asked to remove shoes as I have to try and ex

[soupey1]

Sorry it posted too soon - so I have to try and explain why it is a problem if it is someone that I do not know that well. Close family and friends know and understand.

[MTBMummy]

I do ask, if people don't do it naturally, but it's primarily because we've twice had dog crap walked across our carpets as the pavements and paths round here are covered in it.

[Lunde]

I live in Sweden where it is considered very rude to tramp around someone's house in outdoor shoes and beyond the pale if it has been raining/snowing. I have got into the habit of slipping of house when you enter a home. It is also the norm in nurseries, schools and my doctor's surgery (often they provide plastic sho covers).

It seems strange now when I am in the UK and I notice how much more dirt there is in the house when I have UK visitors

[ppandj]

Soupey yes can totally see it is not a straightforward thing for you and obviously for many others, given the different opinions on this thread!

So, given that it obviously is rude/inconsiderate to ask people to remove shoes, can anyone suggest a way that I can make it v much easier to wipe shoes? Our house has a small hallway and the porch isn't really sheltered from the rain so can't have umpteen doormats.

[flirtygirl]

If people always offered then it wouldnt be a problem, i hate people in my home for this reason, please offer if asking is so rude.

I would rather not have visitors if they keep their shoes on.
The streets are filthy and i dont want it traipsed into my home.

[butterfliesandzebras]

We have a seat with shelves thing by the door and I have been known to tell people with dirty looking shoes who don't seem be offering to remove them that they 'can' leave there shoes there, which is as far as my Britishness allows me to hint that I would prefer them to. If they say they'd rather leave them on I don't anything more.

I lived for many years in a country where shoes are always removed inside homes as a sign of respect, so it's habit for me.

[exWifebeginsat40]

I make all my guests, up to and including tradesmen, to don a CSI style paper boiler suit with feet at the door. beard nets are provided for the hirsute.

[OldFarticus]

We are shoes off - I think shoes indoors is pretty scummy anyway, but it's a non-negotiable cultural thing for DH. We also have silk carpets downstairs (which is ridiculous, but again, culturally appropriate) which are quite old/valuable. I keep a basket of fluffy washable soft slippers for guests and nobody seems to mind.

[NotSureYet]

Perfectly acceptable. I've always been a shoes off at home person and I ask people to respect that in my home. We have beige carpets so most people see them and immediately offer to take shoes off. All good friends know I'm a neat freak and are happy to take shoes off at the door. We have a little bench/shoe rack by the door where all the shoes live which helps with the "shoes off in this house" message too.

[FinallyHere]

This: So you don't ask, and they always offer.

If people don't, I ignore them but can't remember anyone not slipping off their shoes. I do it without thinking when i go visiting, too.

[Ifailed]

exWifebeginsat40, Yuk, that's disgusting! Surely you should be forcing them to strip and stand under a freezing shower for 10 minutes before donning the bio hazard suit?