At parents getting old before their time..

[Rabbitroad29]

My grandad aged 94 died last week and I am so upset and stressed at the way my parents are behaving .
It's almost as if they have decided they have to become the elderly of the family.
They have announced that they won't be buying my kids birthday or Christmas presents anymore because they want to just give money ( my kids are 8, 9 and 11)
They have also gone on holiday despite my grandad dying because "our friends told us to enjoy life")
My husbands family are all in Brazil and I am just getting upset and wound up by the raw deal my kids get. My daughter loves little gifts and like she said I'm not a teenager !

I don't understand either why you seem to have discussed this with your daughter, but your last sentence does read as though you have.

Did you ask an 8 year old whether or not she would prefer gifts to money? Why? Her grandparents decision is theirs to make and if you need to say anything at all then you would surely be telling her to accept it graciously and plan what to do with it??? Not implying to her that getting money instead is in any way a raw deal.

I've just seen the timescales in the first post and it all seems very fast moving. So op if your grandfather died last week, have they gone away on holiday and aren't attending the funeral?

Did they register the death/help arrange the funeral? It seems so odd that they had the time to pick, book and pack for a holiday, tell your children not to expect presents,but aren't sticking around to see their father buried.

Also have you been left to deal with the clearing of your grandfather's house/care home room and what about contacting banks/pension providers/ insurance people to notify them of the death?

I'll revise my view and say that if they've gone away without attending the funeral and left other people to deal with the fallout and admin alone then it isn't them ageing, it is odd and selfish behaviour.

my kids grandparents have always given them money for christmas and birthdays. why is that a problem?!

Hi LikeDylan!

LikeDylan, it may depend where you are in the UK assuming OP is in the UK.

For example, if OP is in Ireland (including Northern Ireland) funerals can often happen in about 3 or 4,days. In many other parts of the UK it may be up to a fortnight.

Also, OP doesn't say how long they are away for. If her grandad was living in his own home rather than renting or in a care home then there again the pressure to clear it quickly is off.

We took about 3 months to clear my MIL's house (could only get there at weekends) and it took a further few months for the sale to go through.

'Old before your time' to me is

• moaning and groaning about normal aches and pains and letting them keep you sedentary (which ultimately make them worse).
• doggedly staying out of touch with even the very most basic modern tech. (mobile phone for eg).
• clinging to old fashioned bigoted views with disinterest in the modern world in general.
• shopping at bon marche

Giving cash to Grand kids and going on hols - not so much.

I think your parents arw probably physically and emotionally exhausted. There will be a lot to sort out following your gf death, and it is good they are having a break to recharge their batteries. You sound selfish as and immature

OP you know your motivations for how you are feeling. I'm sorry you are getting so many negative interpretations when this is a hard time for everyone.
YABU, but it doesn't make you selfish. It's not like they have said no gifts. I get it, at that age it's nice to open something instead of getting cash - but you can sort that out.
You just need to remember that your grief is important, but so is your parents. Just take some time and things will even out again.

Yes you are being totally unreasonable. One of your parents has just lost their parent & it sounds like mortality has hit home & they realise their days are numbered too. Grief is a very personal thing & they are dealing with it their way. As regards the presents just buy something yourself with the money. You are making an issue out of nothing. They have their own life to live.

Sorry for your loss. But I dont get your post at all.

Going on holiday - not becoming old before their time quite the opposite in fact.

Giving money so you can get the kids what they actually want - not getting old before their time, saves buying something that kids dont want.

My kids gps gave me money for years to buy the kids what they wanted as they lived too far away to 'pop' in with them before xmas. I bought them and wrapped them from gps. No big deal.

Give your parents a break its their loss, they can deal with it however they chose, its not about your flipping kids just now its about which ever one of your parents lost their dad.

Unless they have left you to deal with all the arrangements for your gd's funeral its their business what they do.