To not insist the hairdresser cut DD hair?

[sananbaz]

My DD is 6 and since she was able to make her opinion known, she has refused to wear any stereotypical girly clothes. She won't wear dresses, skirts, tights, leggings, anything fluffy or frilly. I have never had a problem with this and support her wearing whatever she wants (including dressing as a prince at a princess birthday party!). She routinely gets mistaken for a boy, and this actually makes her happy. Still no issue for any of our family. Her hair is in a short bob, which is manageable and thankfully needs little brushing or maintenance as she hates it.
Now, for at least 2 years she has asked for really short hair, "like a boys". I've always avoided this, as the maintenance of very short hair is usually higher (regular cuts etc) and increases the risk of bed head. I guess there is an element of me worrying what other people would say too, but I'm not proud of that!
So, a few weeks ago, I agreed she could have her hair cut short. I showed her pictures of pixie cuts, and there were quite a few she liked. We went to the hairdressers and explained what she wanted and the reaction was unexpected. The hairdresser told DD she didn't want short hair, that her face was too pretty, that people would think she was a boy. My DD said she still wanted it. The hairdresser looked at her hair and said it was very thick, that it would need washing and that she didn't think she would have time. She then suggested that DD had nits! (which she had to concede she didn't). I got the idea though - she didn't want to do the cut. I agreed she could just do a trim, mainly as I was worried she didn't want to do it because she wasn't confident she could do it well. But after cutting her hair, she kept saying "now, isn't that better than a pixie cut?" and "you didn't really want a pixie cut did you?" - to which my DD confirmed that she still did want the pixie cut and no, this wasn't better!
We've left it at that for the moment, as I'm a bit nervous a different hairdresser may say the same. Only I feel that I've not set a good example to my DD allowing someone else's opinions influence what she ended up looking like. So was I in the wrong not to make the hairdresser do the cut my DD wanted?

(PS please don't flame me - my first AIBU!)

I haven't read all of the posts, but if your DD wants a really short haircut and you're worried about the maintenance, can you not just buy a set of clippers, you can get them for about £20, which have the different length guards.

Our DS usually has a number 2, so we bought the set of clippers as fitting in visits to barbers along with everything else is a hassle I can just do without. They paid for themselves after the fourth haircut. :) I think ours have guards from no 1 to no 8, so a fair bit of choice in length.

I think once the initial cut is done I wouldn't mind doing a bit of maintenance inbetween cuts. Not sure about just doing it myself though - she'd end up looking more than a bit military for my liking!!
Although I have clipped the dog in the past......

Agree with the top tip about getting a hairdresser with a short crop.

I have a v short pixie and the best cuts have always been from a fellow pixie wearer.

And yep to all those who've had problems getting a hairdresser to actually do a bloody short cut. Had short hair on and off since I was a kid. Not at all unusual to get a hairdresser who will try and talk you out of it.

That's appalling! My DD (6, nearly 7) has had a very short pixie cut ever since she was 5. Her choice. It surprised me, because she loves the stereotypically girly stuff. Yes, people do think she's a boy but she doesn't care and neither do I.

FYI, I have found it much, much, much easier than looking after longer hair. If you get it cut very short it doesn't often need a trim, it doesn't tangle, washing it takes seconds and she's not so prone to nits.

Find a different hairdresser and do it - you won't look back!

I - at 48 - went into my local hairdresser in May and wanted a short cut. She wouldn't do it!

So I then went to Toni and Guys and they did.

Hairdresser has now lost my business.

I will listen to my hairdresser if they try to sway me from a decision that will look bad, but thats because i have no idea about styles etc. If she was saying she thought it would not suit your daughter, fair enough, but I'd still get a second opinion. If she just didnt think a girl should have short hair - thats not her choice! Either way I'd have left it and made an appointment with someone else.

sananbaz it took me around three cuts to get the hang of using the clippers. When DS had let his hair grow long by his standards I had to chop a fair bit off with scissors before using the clippers that time.

I'm still learning on trimming around the ears and back of the neck, but I'm getting better. I get nervous using the clippers without any of the guards on.

I'm going against the grain here..
I think the hairdresser was afraid to cut her hair in case she later regretted it. She is a young child after all.
It does seem wrong for her to push her opinion on your DD but she possibly was just trying to not jump in with a haircut your DD would be upset over/regret.
It would have better if she suggested cutting it in stages perhaps to ensure your DD def wanted it as short.
As your DD is so young though you do ultimately have say, so by agreeing to the trim you did let the hairdresser win.
Next time stand your ground or go somewhere else.
I don't think a hairdresser should have to do something they are unhappy with either though, I know mine refused to dye my hair a certain colour once because they didn't want me to say who had done it and people think it look bad ( which when I did it myself it did look awful ) so it could be a similar thing. Maybe she didn't think she could do the cut well:didn't want the blame for it looking bad/being a regret etc.

My dd (10) has a pixie cut. My hairdresser was so excited to do it as she thinks she looks really cool. She has been mistaken for a boy but it doesn't bother her.

I can see why you didn't just leave, it's one of those kick yourself moments. Hope you find a decent hairdresser.

Was it a chain? Because I think an email to head office, regarding the behaviour of both the hairdresser and the manager, wouldn't go amiss. Absolutely awful behaviour of both of them.

Sootica - at santa saying that to your dd, I would definitely have pulled him up on that one too!
I tend not to correct people who assume dd is a boy - she wears football kit, joggers and t-shirts mostly too. Dd usually just smiles and carries on, and I don't like having to deal with others embarrassment at getting wrong, especially when it makes no difference in most situations anyway!

Muddling - I think I'll watch closely when she does get it cut, just to see if it's something I might be able to manage myself in the future

DD (2.5) has a short hair cut and a fringe. I want her to be able to play on the park and swim and roll about on the ground (not all at once) without having to get her hair out of the way. It looks ace, accentuates her utterly gorgeous eyes and she does stand out from the crowd. Yes, she is often mistaken for a boy, even though it's a feminine short cut - especially if wearing blue/green/orange - but so what? Sorry your DD had to go through that OP.

I'd have walked out with her. When I was a similar age I decided to hack all of my gloriously long hair off to a very boyish style. Looking back maybe it wasn't the best look but at the time it's what I wanted. And that's what counts, what your DD wants, not the hairdresser.

I agree with MrsGSnow. Speaking as the "victim" of a short haircut enforced by my DM when I was about 6yo. DM took me to a hairdresser who trimmed my hair and refused to cut it as short as DM said. DM then cut my hair herself at home. I looked like a boy. Everyone mistook me for a boy until it grew. I hated it. I wasn't able to articulate how I felt to my DM at the time.

MrsG - totally would have agreed to a staged haircut if she had suggested it, even though I've always been of the opinion that hair grows back, so even a bad decision doesn't last long (and my hair style choices over the years can testify to that! )

Twofalls - I love your dd's hair. I've noticed that most pixie cuts on younger girls tends to be on brunettes, would like to see some blonde crops too!

RiverTam - sadly not a chain so there isn't anyone higher up to complain to. I guess I just need to vote with my feet, which is sad as I've used them for 16 years (although infrequently as I like cutting it off and then leaving it to grow back!).

I'm still really cross with the the hairdresser who told DD she should grow her hair long and not have a short bob .

She cut it perfectly well- I insisted she did it (I knew she could cut well) but I would let her cut DDs hair again, we have a different stylist in the same salon.

It's a matter of taste at the end of the day. Some people won't suit a pixie cut, and if the hairdresser doesn't think it's best it should be discussed with the client. Pretending there are nuts? I wouldn't have stuck around.

I wish my dm's hairdresser had been like this in the mid 80s.

Pixie cut looks great leaving the salon, but without styling products, on a slightly snotty, slightly podgy 7 year old me, just led to huge amounts of teasing from classmates over "boys hairdo". Then got worse when it started growing out and dm decided she could do trims with the bacon scissors.