To not insist the hairdresser cut DD hair?

[sananbaz]

My DD is 6 and since she was able to make her opinion known, she has refused to wear any stereotypical girly clothes. She won't wear dresses, skirts, tights, leggings, anything fluffy or frilly. I have never had a problem with this and support her wearing whatever she wants (including dressing as a prince at a princess birthday party!). She routinely gets mistaken for a boy, and this actually makes her happy. Still no issue for any of our family. Her hair is in a short bob, which is manageable and thankfully needs little brushing or maintenance as she hates it.
Now, for at least 2 years she has asked for really short hair, "like a boys". I've always avoided this, as the maintenance of very short hair is usually higher (regular cuts etc) and increases the risk of bed head. I guess there is an element of me worrying what other people would say too, but I'm not proud of that!
So, a few weeks ago, I agreed she could have her hair cut short. I showed her pictures of pixie cuts, and there were quite a few she liked. We went to the hairdressers and explained what she wanted and the reaction was unexpected. The hairdresser told DD she didn't want short hair, that her face was too pretty, that people would think she was a boy. My DD said she still wanted it. The hairdresser looked at her hair and said it was very thick, that it would need washing and that she didn't think she would have time. She then suggested that DD had nits! (which she had to concede she didn't). I got the idea though - she didn't want to do the cut. I agreed she could just do a trim, mainly as I was worried she didn't want to do it because she wasn't confident she could do it well. But after cutting her hair, she kept saying "now, isn't that better than a pixie cut?" and "you didn't really want a pixie cut did you?" - to which my DD confirmed that she still did want the pixie cut and no, this wasn't better!
We've left it at that for the moment, as I'm a bit nervous a different hairdresser may say the same. Only I feel that I've not set a good example to my DD allowing someone else's opinions influence what she ended up looking like. So was I in the wrong not to make the hairdresser do the cut my DD wanted?

(PS please don't flame me - my first AIBU!)

Your hairdresser was very unprofessional. Am guessing too that she was worried about doing it well.
Hopefully you can find a better one, don't let the same happen again

This hairdresser sounds like one of those people who gets over-involved and thinks it's her place to decide such things on behalf of other people - she probably quite genuinely thinks you're a bad parent for giving your daughter a 'boy's' haircut. None of her business whatsoever of course, but she won't hear that - she'll think it's bordering on abuse and she was protecting your daughter from her weird mother, 😂

What an odd hairdresser! My DD has very short hair in a very boy cut, and I also did when I was her age (grew it longer when I was about 15 when I discovered I got more attention from the boys if I had long hair!). Every hairdresser I've taken her to just does the cut exactly how she asks for it. I agree with other posters about taking her to a barbers - especially after she's had the first cut. Once it's short, she will get mistaken for a boy. I sometimes take my DD to a barber, and they all just assume she's a boy, and we just play along - it's a lot cheaper. She starting to grow boobs now though, so we won't have that option for much longer.

Normal hairdressers will have no problem cutting your DD's hair.
Can any of your friends recommend someone?
If not, call ahead and say "I assume there won't be any problem giving my DD a pixie cut?".

She implied she had nits in order to get out of it?That on top of everything is fucking rude.
Is it a chain or franchise? Quick tweet to head office.

Lots of people take their primary kids to my local barbers they don't care what sex the kid is. I think the majority of hair cutters in my local barbers are female anyway.

pinterest seems to think it would suit your daughter's hair type maybe take pictures off there next time? clearly showing you want a "girl" cut

some people dont like short hair on girls my girl has just had all her hair cut to shoulder length she is 16 and no way does she look like a boy or act like one she just fancied shorter hair!

In the 1980s loads of girls had short hair. Can't see what the hairdresser found so shocking about the idea.

Maybe she is a shite hairdresser and realised that there was no way she could do a decent pixie cut! (I LOVE pixie cuts)

I had long blonde hair as a child and wanted it cut short when I was about 6.
I still remember my teacher gasping when I went into school and saying, " what have you done to your beautiful hair?" in front of the class. I found it very embarrassing but my friends didn't give a hoot what hair I had and just accepted it.

I would hope times have changed since then and people don't have such rigid expectations of how girls should look.
Your hairdresser sounds as if she has very old fashioned views.

I think it's great that your daughter knows what she likes and can be vocal about it. I would respect her wishes and be prepared to fight her corner if need be.

I once wanted super short hair like a boy which would now be classed as a pixie cut. The hairdresser did her own version, insisting it would be too boyish and instead did somekind of weird crop thing that did wnd up making me look like a boy anyway.

I understand you not being forceful about the cut if you weren't keen yourself anyway, but deffo go elsewhere next time. If they don't want to do it, someone else will and will probably do it better.

Sounds like my dd - she wanted a pixie cut or similar from the time she could make her opinion known. Hairdresser quizzed her for a while and then did it and it did look adorable, but the next time we talked about what would be lower maintenance and last longer between cuts so she has grown it into a bob with a fringe.

But then one reason I go to this expensive hairdresser is because they treat the kids like people, after two other hairdressers refused to cut ds again. Given they'd squirted water unexpectedly in his face and one burnt him with a hairdryer, I felt he had a point.

Very rude hairdresser and manager, good luck with the next salon!

I was never a 'girly' girl and went through a phase of wanting to be mistaken for a boy when I was about 8 or 9. (Read lots of famous five books!) Got my hair chopped at a barbers. He didn't bat an eyelid. Phase lasted about a year and I ended up growing my hair really long as a teen.

Hairdressers generally get a bit stressed about cutting hair off. They must take a lot of grief from people who say they've taken too much off.

I took my dd for a major cut, 6 inches. The hairdresser asked both of us about 5 times whether we were both sure (dd is 8). Even after the 6 inch cut, the hair would still go into a ponytail, so it wasn't very short, but still the hairdresser was clearly crapping herself about the amount of hair being taken off. Perhaps she thought dd was going to cry or something? She kept telling my dd she looked pretty as well, I think she was trying to be nice. Anyway she did cut the hair off as required and it's perfectly fine.

Once I went to get mine cut, asked for about 4 inches off and she took two inches off only. Clearly stressing about it for some reason. I had to go back and get it done again.

Also long hair is quite the thing. I'm society in general, it's loved and admired. I can't stand it for practical reasons - particularly one 6yo I know who has hair just past her bum. I keep thinking it's dangled into the toilet or something.

Thank you all. I feel more confident to call around to ask for a pixie cut now, before actually going in to a place. I really don't want my dd being faced with such shock and horror at her choices. I've done my best to make sure she never feels odd about her clothing preferences, so I'm not particularly happy that I allowed this woman to get away with it
I'm fairly sure her friends and teachers wouldn't bat an eyelid - she has done the whole of reception wearing the 'boy's' uniform. She also doesn't conform to gender segregation in the classroom e.g. boys line up here, girl's line up there, and nobody's said much so far. When she meets a new friend they often ask her if she is a boy or a girl, but however she answers, they tend to just carry on playing anyway. I'm sure there may come a time that she has to confront some kind of discrimination, but equally she could change her preferences and this could be a phase! As long as she's happy, and all that

I had some similar experiences as a kid (and adult actually) and it can put you right off getting your hair done.

Quite a few of my friends (I'm gay) use specifically trans-friendly or gender neutral hair salons (no inference at all about your daughter) because, unbelievably, this sort of reaction does still happen They're also much more practiced at shorter styles on women and girls than a lot of places, I think. I know you said you live out in the sticks, but it might be worth a Google to see what's about. Other female friends of mine use barbers without any comment at all.

Lastly, endless kudos to you for being so supportive. My mother still has a fit of the very manipulative vapours when I even suggest an unconventional chop. It's actually made me really self-conscious about all of my sartorial and grooming choices, and I'm 31. You sound like a lovely mum.

Aw, thanks Lozza , parenting is all guess work so I hope I'm getting some of it right! As long as they (I have two children) grow up to be decent human beings, treat others kindly and expect respect for themselves, I'm fairly relaxed with my expectations of them. I think that's why I'm so disappointed with myself this time that I didn't insist the hairdresser respect her views . Hopefully will find somewhere happy to cut her hair how she wants it.

Nothing much to add except you sound like a really lovely mum, and I tip my hat to your daughter for doing what she wants and being who she wants to be, without caring what anyone else thinks.

It's bizarre - some hairdressers seem to have a real.issue cutting womens/girls hair short. I have never had a hairdresser cut it short the way I want in a first visit - I always have to work then up to it.

Thankfully when DD went in for the chop her hairdresser had a crop herself so wasn't to phased by it

Ooh, good point - will look for hairdresser with short crop!! Thanks

Hairdressers generally get a bit stressed about cutting hair off. They must take a lot of grief from people who say they've taken too much off.

When I was 17 I had hair down to my waist. A designer salon in the city was looking for models. I volunteered.

My parents walked straight past me when I went to pick them up that night. It was about 3 inches at the longest point! Have never done that again!

My mum had my waist length hair chopped to a short style when I was 10. I was going to boarding school and she said I couldn't be trusted to look after it. I cried a lot. I bloody hope the hairdresser got a bit stressed doing that one.

I really respect your respect for your daughter OP. It sounds like she knows exactly what she's doing and I bet she will love it when she gets it done.

Hairdresser sounds disgraceful, tbh, and your DD sounds utterly brilliant for sticking to her guns in the face of such rudeness and silliness from an adult. Hope she gets the pixie cut of her dreams soon.

She's not have got a penny from me.