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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to dump someone for lying about their age (OLD)

76 replies

Tornandfrayed · 10/09/2016 11:10

Met someone really nice online, profile says he is 50 (I'm 41).
Found out that he is 56 not 50, he didn't tell me this I looked online.
Was really looking to meet someone around the same age as me but I figured 9 years is not that much.
When I discovered this I got a sinking feeling ( been burnt before by liars) and it's kind of ruined things.
Because...

  1. If he'd lied easily about that what else will he lie about??
  2. We are at different life stages, I will need to increase my hours as my dc's get older, he is probably winding his hours down.

Best to bail out now??

OP posts:
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 10/09/2016 16:22

I think I would feel the same as trifle. It's a selfish lie and I would feel manipulated.

Chikara · 10/09/2016 16:42

Lorelei76 - liked the huffington link - amusing!

DadOnIce · 10/09/2016 16:48

Perhaps he identifies as a 50-year-old and wants his life-choices to be respected.

[straightface]

ComputerUserNotTrained · 10/09/2016 16:51

Grin Dad

And yes, Lorelei's Huff link is v.good.

Original poster
Tornandfrayed · 10/09/2016 18:05

Love it! DadOnIce, there should be a tick box on OLD for that, easy way to weed out the deluded Smile

OP posts:
Pseudonym99 · 10/09/2016 18:50

Of course, women don't lie about their age, height, weight, whether they've had an orgasm, their virginial status, their headache.....

2rebecca · 10/09/2016 18:54

I don't see the point in lying about stuff like that as it just means the person you are meeting will be disappointed.
OK if the point of the exercise is to go on as many first dates as possible and enjoy the baffled expressions but if you want to find someone for a relationship saying you're younger and thinner than you are seems pointless.

2rebecca · 10/09/2016 18:56

Do people put their virginal status on their profile?
That sounds sure to attract the nutters.

purplefox · 10/09/2016 19:14

Did he actually lie? I logged into an old OLD account a few weeks ago and it had me listed 5 years younger than I was.

ginghamstarfish · 10/09/2016 20:53

My sister (aged 62) started online dating last year, and said she was 37, using a very old photo. She met a few blokes who were, not surprisingly, a bit disappointed when they met in person Grin

Foslady · 10/09/2016 21:13

I had a bloke saying he was 11 years older and wouldn't send a picture before meeting up. Googled him (easy to find) and turns out he was 21 years older. Reasonable when you're in your in your 20's, but when you're in your late 40's I'm looking for a relationship, not to try out as their carer........

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 10/09/2016 22:14

Cripes, gingham! That's quite extreme!

I did have the opposite, too, as did my sister. I was 31 and he said he was 28... he looked older, beard, hairy etc. He'd just turned 19 :0

wasonthelist · 10/09/2016 22:29

OLD is a total minefield from which I have retired hurt - but there are plenty of women seeking younger men, men seeking younger women, men seeking older women, and men and women lying about their age, intentions, height, marital status etc, so sadly this is hardly a surprise.

runslikethewind · 10/09/2016 22:34

Not the biggest lie of in the grand scheme of things, but if it doesn't sit right, drop him. Gut instinct speaks for a lot.

Katkincake · 10/09/2016 22:35

Dump. Dated someone met via OLD in my early 30s he told me he was 38 - believable though he looked a little older than I was expecting but he did lots of walking and climbing so figured that had aged his skin a little. anyway we had a long distance relationship for 6m and had booked a city break abroad. Had a peek of his passport he'd left on bedside table to laugh at photo only to find out he was 49. Challenged him on it, he said he'd lied as wasn't attracted to women his own age Hmm. Turns out he also had ex wife grown up kids and a grandchild he'd refrained from mentioning. So YANBU from my experience.

FinderofNeedles · 10/09/2016 22:54

Years ago, long before OLD, a friend of mine was preparing to buy a house with her "boyfriend". She had to include his earnings to get a mortgage. That's when she found out he was considerably older than he said he was. Later she found out he was still married ...

Don't take the risk. Heed your instincts!

Fieryfighter · 10/09/2016 23:05

I'd ditch. I once started dating someone I met online who told me he was 30, I was 34 at the time. After a couple of months or so he finally confessed he was 40. I was so shocked and felt betrayed.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 10/09/2016 23:10

I'd agree, I met a guy online, who had said he was very good at a sport (using a very measurable level). We met to play this together, and he turned out to be a complete beginner, and was clearly very aware of this and rather embarrassed.
I didn't want to see him again, coz he so blatantly lied (also said he was a teacher, and turned out not to have ever been one), but had people told me I was mean to reject him just coz he wasn't good at the sport ...ironically, if his profile had said he was a beginner, that would have been fine with me.

Met another guy who quite openly wanted to know (on first meeting) if I earned enough to support his business scheme (his friend had advised him from my job title, that I'd earn a LOT, apparently. I very deliberately laughed at the idea, and told him I barely scraped by...funnily enough, he had to rush off soon after that :-D.

riceuten · 11/09/2016 15:35

You're effectively meeting up with someone you know absolutely nothing about, not even if the name they've given you is real.

I have heard this frequently...from people who have met a bloke in a club/pub, snogged them, and gone home with them, which is infinitely more dodgy

ladylambkin · 11/09/2016 15:42

Him being older wouldn't be an issue for me but the lie at the outset would be

riceuten · 11/09/2016 15:44

My sister (aged 62) started online dating last year, and said she was 37, using a very old photo. She met a few blokes who were, not surprisingly, a bit disappointed when they met in person

I worked with someone who did OLD, who was a "SSBBW", but would only ever include a headshot in her profile (she actually looked quite thin at face level). And was of course, very depressed, upset and disappointed when men she met got annoyed that she hadn't said she weighed around 150kg. "But they'd never meet me if they knew how much I weighed" was her incredulous response. I suppose there was an outside chance that people wouldn't care, but OLD is sadly, very unforgiving like that.

Original poster
Tornandfrayed · 11/09/2016 17:19

Good point PurpleFox I will ask him later in the week when I see him in person. Don't want to dump him without getting my facts straight. He seems very nice and I have a good feeling about him apart from this.

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 12/09/2016 21:18

I would dump him.
He is a lot older than you, which is fine if you want a much older partner.
I find it really creepy actually .
I met someone on line who lied about his age, he was younger than me and the age was fine. He then admitted lying about his height. He was a funny guy but I couldn't see it working out and arranged to meet someone else Sho it turns out is much better for me.

5OBalesofHay · 12/09/2016 21:21

Sorry, I don't get the 'old' in the title. Is it an old thread or ageist?

PigletJohn · 12/09/2016 21:35

On
Line
Dating