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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH about night out

47 replies

JohnCrane · 10/09/2016 05:29

Sorry this is long

DH went on a big work night out last night.

We have been TTC for a long time and it has been really getting me down which he knows. We have missed opportunities when I've been ovulating quite a lot of times for various reasons (but all have been because of him). I know that kind of thing can make a person a bit mad and U which is why I am sanity checking.

Ovulation window so plan was he would wake me up when home and wed DTD. I also ended up having an operation yesterday (not major but under gen). I had no one to look after DDs during this but figured out with favour from a friend. Friend rang right before I went in saying so sorry but she had to leave. DH knew I was in a bind and tried to call him
But no joy. Anyway was figured out.

i texted him saying hope you're having fun but remember not to go overboard (insert slightly sexy text to try and make it fun and not clinical that I was reminding him to wake me up for sex Smile). But also am in a bit more pain than I thought I would be following the op and need a fair bit of help with DCs tomorrow and this thing with need to do.

He got back very late and has just woken me and DDs up being sick. (Side note DDs are terrible sleepers, they won't go back to sleep, will be grumpy all day etc but that's life).

i don't want to be annoyed. I want him to have fun. Although he and I both get regular opportunities to go out so its not like this was a one time opportunity for letting loose. But I really am annoyed. It will be a few hours til he's up so I have time to cool down I guess. But feeling quite hurt and also don't know what I'll do re today. AIBU?

OP posts:
Mouikey · 10/09/2016 05:47

Honestly, I think you're expecting too much of yourself to DTD immediately after a GA - you should be taking it easy and recovering. I'm somewhat surprised that DH went out following your GA and you're left at home looking after your kiddies - very inconsiderate and not very safe.

wayway13 · 10/09/2016 05:51

Grin and bear today it then let him have it when he sobers up. YANBU.

My DH goes out most Friday nights. That's his time with friends and I'd never get in the way of that. However, unless it's a big deal (Christmas party, promotion etc) then his night out is not allowed to impact on the family the following day. He can have a lie in but then it's family time so all day hangovers are a no no (again, unless it's a special night in which case I'll take DD out and he can have a duvet day).

Waking everyone at 5am from being sick?! How old is your DH?? Neither of you expected you to be in as much pain following your op so that part is avoidable but being so drunk that you wake your kids is bad. Shame!

Good luck today and good luck TTC xx

wayway13 · 10/09/2016 05:54

Ooh good point mouikey! Aren't you supposed to be with someone for 24hrs after a GA? I was too caught up in the "woke us being sick" to even think about that.

Bagina · 10/09/2016 05:58

I don't understand understand? You were having an op under ga and your husband was out drinking? He wasn't looking after you or your dds?

Original poster
JohnCrane · 10/09/2016 06:06

The op was quite minor. The hosp didn't say anything about needing to be looked after afterwards. And didn't blink when I said I was going home to
Look after my children alone (was anxious to leave)

OP posts:
anothermalteserplease · 10/09/2016 06:16

Taking the ttc out of the equation I think your husband was very unreasonable to be out heavily drinking leaving you in sole charge of your children after a GA. I'd be really annoyed at my DH if he did that and then was really hungover the next day too.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 10/09/2016 06:19

If he's drinking so much he wakes you all being sick, I'm a bit unsure why you'd be looking to have more children with him. Seems a bit problematic.

Original poster
JohnCrane · 10/09/2016 06:21

Side note I don't think he's been sick from drinking since he was in his early 20s.

OP posts:
mum2Bomg · 10/09/2016 06:24

If there's someone who can help out today with childcare then ask them. Sounds like you need a break and some rest and he will probably not be much use xxx

Madinche1sea · 10/09/2016 06:25

JohnCrane - even if it was a minor op though, a GA still takes time to work itself out of your system, surely? He should have given the night out a miss - not leave you to put the girls to bed, etc. I'd be appalled if my DH woke the house up vomiting from alcohol at any time of the day or night!

Is it possible that he's feeling the pressure to TTC too much and the going out / drinking too much is a reaction to this? Or is this normal behaviour for him?

YADNBU to be fuming. Would it have been wise to TTC after a GA though anyway - I'm not sure?

Kick him out of bed today and don't put up with any more nonsense.Flowers

Original poster
JohnCrane · 10/09/2016 06:28

Thanks for all the replies. I don't think that's why he overdid it. But I tend to not always be as mindful of his feelings as I probably should as he is incredibly 'laddy' and doesn't (or says he doesn't) have many feelings. He loves us, hates littering and that's about it in terms of emotions from him!

OP posts:
MoreCoffeeNow · 10/09/2016 06:28

He's a prick. He shouldn't have gone at all if he had any respect for you.

phillipp · 10/09/2016 06:32

So who was sick?

I am sorry I am not really understanding.

You had a GA, of course someone needs to look after you. What if you suffered complications?

Did you tell him what you are telling us? 'It's no big deal I don't need you home?'

I can't understand why he was at home anyway.

I am also confused about dtd. Personally I wouldn't be up for waking dh up after I had been out and he had an operation.

I would speak to him. His he feeling under a lot of pressure from you? Sometimes conceiving on schedule, can end up causing issues. It's a lot of pressure.

Mooey89 · 10/09/2016 06:33

You had an operation today, under general anaesthetic, you have children, and you H went out drinking instead of looking after you?

Stop trying for a baby and LTB!

cansu · 10/09/2016 06:37

I think that he perhaps should have been around to help you after operation really. I think having sex would be the last thing on my mind after having an op however minor. Maybe he is feeling the pressure of trying to conceive or maybe he just isn't as on board with the idea as you. In any case I think coming home so pissed that he is useless the following day and the waking up your ds would be enough to bloody annoy me so YANBU.

Bagina · 10/09/2016 06:37

I don't think his priorities are right. He at least should have been with your girls and getting dinner on for you and giving you a rest and lie in. He has responsibilities. But different things are acceptable to different people. I think your expectations of him are very low.

WinterIsHereJon · 10/09/2016 06:40

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Anaesthetic-general/Pages/Definition.aspx

You definitely shouldn't have been alone for the first 24 hours, as per guidance. If he had any love/respect for you he'd be at home taking care of you, not drinking himself into a stupor. If your feelings are hurt because he was too drunk/late to DTD you're ignoring the real issues.

Original poster
JohnCrane · 10/09/2016 06:43

Just for context I didn't ask him to come home and look after me (I know plenty will say he should have any way which is a fair point) I did say id be fine. Just want that clear that it's not like he said fuck you babes I'm off whether you like it or not.

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 10/09/2016 06:48

I suppose if he was naive he might accept your assurance that you'd be fine. Generally grown ups capable of parenting would have a bit more sense.

On the basis you say he hasn't been this drunk for a long time I'd give him a chance to explain himself. Wait until tonight/tomorrow, there's no point arguing with someone who's still drunk.

Madinche1sea · 10/09/2016 06:49

Would you have gone out last night if he'd had a GA yesterday though?

LozzaChops · 10/09/2016 06:50

Aye I mean I don't leave a pet on their own after a general anaesthetic, let alone a partner (with kid!) But I suppose everyone's relationship dynamics are different.

I can't believe he expected you to organise childcare when you were in for an operation. I'm a bit astounded to be honest.

RawPrawn · 10/09/2016 06:52

We have missed opportunities when I've been ovulating quite a lot of times for various reasons (but all have been because of him)

Doesn't sound like he wants another baby, frankly. The drinking/GA story is kinda irrelevant. (And is it just me who sees 'very laddy' as a red flag?)

blueturtle6 · 10/09/2016 07:00

Bollocks to him going out, I've had ops under local and after each time DH has made sure someone was with me and little one for 24h later.
He needs a serious talk.

wayway13 · 10/09/2016 07:06

I don't think there was any malice on his part. You were both probably naive re the GA but you weren't to know if the hospital didn't tell you. Your DH went out thinking you were ok. He drank too much and woke you all which is bad but, as you've said' out of character.

I still think YANBU in being annoyed because you're going to have a rubbush day now. I do disagree with some other posters though. I'm sure he loves you all very much and wants to TTC. He's just had a bad night with unfortunate timing. Let him sleep it off and he can make it up to you tomorrow.

allthecarbs · 10/09/2016 07:07

Ah I don't think he's behaved that terribly, definitely not enough to be suggesting you should ltb.