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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To plan a few skive days with my youngest DD 4

60 replies

Kiddiewinks2008 · 09/09/2016 21:23

My littlest is starting school and I'm feeling so sad- feel like I am losing my baby to the 'system' and losing my littlw hang out in parks weekday best friend.
I might do a couple of friday skive days with her this first term so I can still hang out with her a bit! Aibu? Is that really bad?!? If i had the money I would take both my kids travelling for a year so I could spend more time with them!

OP posts:
pictish · 09/09/2016 22:07

"Still your child ,your decision , is the child's father in the picture and is he equally unconcerned about the child's education?"

Ah come on now...no need for that.

allowlsthinkalot · 09/09/2016 22:56

It doesn't need to be authorised or not authorised as the child is below Compulsory School Age. The code for the register is X, meaning "not required to attend". There is no need for the child or parent to lie.

OP, my daughter is also five in April and I am only sending her to Reception two days a week. They don't reach Compulsory School Age until September 2017, when they enter year 1.

allowlsthinkalot · 09/09/2016 23:04

My daughter is very capable of understanding that once she is five she has to go every day or not at all. I'm sure the OP's child can understand that too.

DropYourSword · 09/09/2016 23:07

My friends DD started school in January. Her teacher advised that school can be tiring and overwhelming and sometimes it's beneficial to take a day off occasionally to let them recharge. I thought that was a lovely approach from the teacher.

Ragwort · 09/09/2016 23:08

You sound totally needy as if it is important to you that you have nice little days 'hanging out' with your child rather than letting them get on with their own life at school. Hmm

Surely you have interests/hobbies/friends of your own that you can fill your time with and do nice things with your DC at weekends?

insan1tyscartching · 09/09/2016 23:27

Dd only attended reception part time but if I wanted to take her somewhere we'd miss the morning too.The teachers never objected and dd didn't miss out. They are small for such a short time, enjoy them while you can.

oobedobe · 09/09/2016 23:43

My DD2 just started school and I will be keeping her home on Fridays until after Christmas. We do have a 'reason' which is she has speech therapy on Friday at midday, so I would have to pick her up by 12 anyway to go to that appointment and there would be no point returning to school after.

I don't think missing a day here or there matters at all at age 4/5. Four full days of week is LOADS to start with (especially if they are not already used to fulltime daycare/preschool).

When my eldest went to school age 4 (not UK) it was alternate day (Mon, Wed, every other Friday) and I though that was a good balance, she certainly has no issues going Mon-Fri now.

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 23:46

I have with all 4 of mine. They are only little and get tired. All bright high achievers.

Munstermonchgirl · 10/09/2016 08:03

Tbf I think virtually all of us agree that a few days off for a 4 year old isn't going to have s huge impact. And as they're below compulsory school age it won't be recorded as unauthorised. We all get that.

It's the reasoning behind the OP which many of us find a bit odd... She sounds needy and that this is about fulfilling her needs because she's struggling to let her youngest child grow in independence.

This is totally different from a parent making a formal arrangement for their child to attend part time while age 4 because they believe full time is too much (as a poster describes upthread) That's a considered choice, made for the child's interests. Likewise, a full time 4 year old might occasionally need a day to 'recharge' - again, that's a decision the parents make in the interests of the child. Very different from the OP who has decided in advance to keep her Dd home sometimes because she, the adult, wants the child's company. Very needy. Enjoy your children before and after school, weekends, school hols... Don't let your own neediness impact on their life

DottyGiraffe · 10/09/2016 08:07

"OP, my daughter is also five in April and I am only sending her to Reception two days a week. They don't reach Compulsory School Age until September 2017, when they enter year 1."

I realise the quoted post is in response to the OP and referring to April (and hence summer term) birthdays, but in case others are reading and not sure, it's only sunmer term birthdays who reach statutory school age in September 2017. For children 5 before January, they are statutory school age from Jan 17, and those 5 in the spring term are statutory school age in the summer term.

People probably know that though and, in any case, it doesn't affect this term.

WhateverWillBe · 10/09/2016 08:10

I'm not against the occasional skive. We won tickets to a theme park in the Summer for a particular day in October...a school day (and yes, I entered the competition with the full knowledge the dc would miss a day of school if we won :o ). The tickets are worth over £120 so bugger am I looking that gift horse in the mouth. We're going.

But your post makes me cringe tbph. There's a particular mother (acquaintance) on my fb who always refers to her dd as her 'best friend' and 'best bud' and refers to how close they are etc and you remind me of her.

It just comes across and needy and unhealthy IMO. For you and her. Your dd will choose her own best friends and it's probably better for you to accept the fact now that her choice is probably not going to be you.

Lilaclily · 10/09/2016 08:15

I understand taking them out for a day because they're exhausted , but not because you miss them, they're only at school until 3pm !

insancerre · 10/09/2016 08:17

Yabu
This about your dd, not you

Put your child first, not your needs

Overseen so many parents baby their youngest child and it is really sad

Not everyone does it, but when it happens it is damaging for the child

Get a puppy, get a job, volunteer or make new friends but allow your child to be confident, capable and independent, which is what being a parent is all about

Buttercupsandaisies · 10/09/2016 08:28

It must be a real pain for schools having kids off pre 5 on short days, odd days etc. They follow a rolling syllabus - it must have a huge impact on their work load.
As a side note I find it odd that some of the people I know who do flexi at age 4 are also dragging their kids to loads of after school clubs which they're surely not too tired for! School day is pretty short really!

harderandharder2breathe · 10/09/2016 08:45

Yabu and selfish because it's all about you not your children

How do you think the older ones will feel knowing you let the youngest skive to have special time but didn't and don't do the and for them

You still have after school, weekends and school holidays.

pollyblack · 10/09/2016 08:55

YABU find something else to do. You'll still have lots of leisure time with your dcs after school and at weekends.

I have never heard of anyone taking "little skive days"!!

Notso · 10/09/2016 09:02

Did you do this for your other child?

A Mum from school I know did this with all her three. The oldest is now 12 and all kids still have major problems with attendance.

hownottofuckup · 10/09/2016 09:14

Labelling someone as a needy and selfish parent based on 2 posts is OTT.

Mine have had the odd day off, but they haven't been pre-planned they've been ad-hoc when they've been overtired and teary. DD1 had one in Y2 we went to a Chinese buffet, she still remembers it. I was honest with school, that she was over tired, over wrought and over emotional (needed a break from friendship difficulties) they were fine with that.

DD1 had one in Y1, again not planned I took her in but she feigned illness as we walked in and I ended up taking her home. When the head asked in the afternoon how she was I was honest and said absolutely fine I'd been 'had' by a 5 year old. Again they were fine and said yes they get us sometimes too it can be hard to tell!

I haven't experienced particularly missing them, but I don't think it's bad that you do.
Have the odd day with her when she needs a break (which she is bound to at some point) as long as you're also supporting her learning, reading etc it won't be a problem. Don't lie to the school you do want to maintain a good relationship with them. And don't make it a regular thing. It'll be fine.

GoblinLittleOwl · 10/09/2016 09:27

No. You shouldn't do it.
Play in the parks after school.
This isn't for her, it is for you.

Witchend · 10/09/2016 09:32

I wouldn't.
If you do it this year then I can guarantee that next year you will think " oh they were such fun and she's still so little, my little baby."

She will expect it.

And the others will resent it. She's already had at least a year to fo special things alone with mummy, and now you're planning to do more when she's in school.
Dd1 sometimes feels very indignant that dd2 and ds have lots of medical appointments and miss school. Despite that she'll go in at death's door by choice and she totally agrees that she wouldn't want their health issues, but she would like the time with me. She gets it at the weekend, but it's not quite the same!

BruceBogtrotter101 · 10/09/2016 10:07

A girl in my primary school was brought up with this ethos. Her mum kept her home for the slightest (or no) reason. By the time we got to secondary school her attendance was less than half of what it should be. Nothing could get her into school and the mother was totally unsupportive of the education system. Needless to say she left school without a GCSE to her name, and to my knowledge has never worked a day in her life.

SoftSheen · 10/09/2016 10:10

Yes, YABU I'm afraid. You will have plenty of time at the weekend, bank holidays, inset days, half-terms etc.

Liiinoo · 10/09/2016 10:15

YABU. Of course keep her off if she is tired or overwhelmed, but if that is the case she should spend a quiet day at home, not accompany you on days out.

They are only at school 5 days a week and only 37/38 weeks a year so that gives plenty of time for time together.

Make some friends your own age.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/09/2016 10:22

Some people's blasé attitude to school shocks me. I had to be being physically sick or beating death for my parents to keep me off school. And a "skive" day is unacceptable and sends a massive negative message to your child that school is not important. Every day at school is important!

Yes, when they are 4 they don't have to be in full time but that should be for THEIR benefit, not the parent's. The park doesn't have a closing time, go on the way home from school. Do fun activities on the weekend with ALL of your kids but don't teach your child that skiving is ok. It's not.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/09/2016 10:25

Nearing not beating death. Hmm Stupid phone.

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