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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hide in the bath?

40 replies

WindInThePussyWillows · 09/09/2016 20:50

I'm exhausted. My twins turned 5 months today and I'm completely and utterly exhausted. I know I'm completely blessed and so lucky but I literally haven't stopped.
DP lost his driving license a month ago because he's a fucking twat so for the past 27 days I have had to drive him everywhere for work, he works 6/7 days a week 8am-7pm and his appointments are all over the county.
We have 5 more months of his ban to go . He completely deserves it, but his actions have lead to me and the babies being punished too, I now have no life and no time to just stay at home and chill or see my friends. The babies come first so during each of his appointments they get a lovely fresh air walk (totalling about 5 hours a day) I refuse for them to be stuck in a boring car all day - but the walking is adding to my exhaustion.

I just told him I'm popping up for a quick bath, WIBU to lock the door and just soak for an hour or so?

I'm emotionally and physically at my breaking point and I just need a little rest to reset me. Sorry to rant

OP posts:

Madinche1sea · 09/09/2016 21:26

Wind - stay in the bath and check into a spa on his next day off!

You've been driving all over the country with twins in the back of the car! For a whole month! Sounds like my idea of hell.

Can he not use trains?

I hope he's exceptionally grateful and has big plans to make things up to you.

Dailymailisacrapnewspaper · 09/09/2016 21:28

Book a driver. You can hire someone to drive your car- get it insured for them.

One of my colleagues did this when they has their licence suspended following a fit.

Or get a quote from cab firms.

Geordiegirl79 · 09/09/2016 21:33

Oh you poor thing. I'm not surprised you are feeling that way. Definitely stay in the bath. What a difficult situation with all that driving. Interesting idea about hiring a driver. I wouldn't have thought of that.

JenLindleyShitMom · 09/09/2016 21:33

This isn't sustainable. It just isn't. You can't spend another 5 months with those babies in a car or perhaps all day. The weather will get awful very soon.

He needs to sort an alternative. He needs to pay a driver or get the train or cycle or whatever. But you can't do this anymore.

DropYourSword · 09/09/2016 21:35

Oh my goodness. Having a 5 month old baby is hard. Having two even more so. But driving around like you're doing is actually unthinkable for me right now...I don't know how you're doing it!

NoCapes · 09/09/2016 21:35

This is ridiculous, your babies need to play and crawl and wriggle - not be moved from car seat to pram and back again all day every day
I mean seriously, come on!

Tell him to sort himself out, he lost his licence, he can deal with the consequences

JenLindleyShitMom · 09/09/2016 21:36

pram not perhaps!

BrightOranges · 09/09/2016 21:38

This isn't acceptable for you or the babies. He really is going to have to find another way round this.
I know own you originally asked about the bath but I think you are going to get a lot of replies saying the same.
It just isn't healthy for you three. The babies need a lot of things at this age, and driving in a car almost all day almost every day, is not one of them.

Likeaninjanow · 09/09/2016 21:39

That sounds incredibly hard. I hope he's on his knees with gratitude. You deserve a medal! Or a spa day...or loads of wine...or cake...

klch14 · 09/09/2016 21:41

Bless you . I hope he's grateful! Lock yourself in the bathroom all evening with a bottle of wine or 2! You deserve it! I'd of dropped him outside of boots or somewhere in the way home and got him to buy you some nice bubbles/salts etc for your bath

idontlikealdi · 09/09/2016 21:44

He needs to sort something else out, cabs, driver, trains. This isn't sun stainable for you or the babies. You must be sleep deprived and all that driving can't be a good thing.

ohtheholidays · 09/09/2016 21:45

Can he get to work any other way OP,bike,walking,busses(for the more local one's)train,cabs,lifts from friends/family for one's further away?

There's no way you should be suffering because he's been stupid,even if you cut it down to half you helping him and half him sorting himself out that would give you a break from doing all the driving maybe for half of the time.

NerrSnerr · 09/09/2016 21:48

You cannot continue doing this, it is not fair on you and definitely not fair on your children. He needs to sort himself out. It's his fault and his problem.

Planty18 · 09/09/2016 21:50

My twins are now 10 months. I feel better now but at the 5 month point was about at breaking point emotionally and physically. That is really not fair on you or your babies. He has a job he needs to be all over the place for but he lost his license?! He needs to face the consequences. You will be broken by the time that ban ends if you continue like this. Previous poster's idea of a driver is a great one. He probably won't lose his license again! I was knackered doing three school runs and felt like they were in and out of the car all day and that's only round the corner, what a stressful situation for you. Definitely stay in the bath and demand a lie in while you're at it.

Waffles80 · 09/09/2016 21:51

When my twins were five months old my partner worked part time and my mum was with me the days he worked. And I was on my knees.

Honestly, as previous posters have said, this is not at all sustainable and you are a total hero for doing it for more than four minutes, never mind four weeks.

Find another solution to this, please!

Original poster

WindInThePussyWillows · 09/09/2016 21:52

I don't see a way around it for him. He pleaded exceptional hardship on the family but they said I could go to work. it's completely his fault I'm not excusing that but in the time it would take for me to apply for, interview, be successful and trained and start being paid he would be close enough to have his licence back. He makes a lot more money than I ever could, plus I'm in the middle of a post graduate degree.

We've looked at the trains and buses but today for example first appointment was an hour and a half drive from house, appointment lasted an hour, next appointment was an hour further away and in the middle of no where - closest train station was a 50 minute walk..etc there isn't enough time between appointments to allow for non car travel.

We are going away next week and after that we need to sort something else out, I'm so past my boiling point but trying to hard to be supportive whilst maintaining his punishment.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 09/09/2016 21:57

What type of work is he in? He needs to change his job in some shape or form.

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 09/09/2016 21:57

childminder would be better for yr twins,and better for yr sanity to.

Original poster

WindInThePussyWillows · 09/09/2016 21:59

Hadn't thought of a child minder I've only ever left them with my parents for a few hours here or there. I'm a FTM so I really don't know is 5 months an appropriate age to go to a child minder?

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2016 22:00

In a couple of months your babies are going to want to be crawling, then walking, not stuck in a car for hours on end. It's going to be harder and harder, not easier.

Does he work for himself?

ohlittlepea · 09/09/2016 22:01

What a tricky situation for you all :( there's just no way you can be his personal driver like that...that's way too long for the babies to be in car seats on a daily basis. .Their physical development would really suffer let alone emotional/social/psychological implications ..can't believe he asked that of you all. Need to pay for a chauffeur/driver. ..If you can provide accommodation you may be able to get a live In driver relatively cheaply?

Original poster

WindInThePussyWillows · 09/09/2016 22:01

I don't want to be too identifying but works for himself, yes.

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 09/09/2016 22:05

If he's been banned won't his insurance be scarily expensive once he does have his licence back?

What did he do to get banned and why is he not driving like a responsible adult?

He won't be much use to you if he continues to drive like a twat and possibly end up in prison for killing someone.

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2016 22:06

right, then he needs to employ someone to either drive him, or take the meetings instead of him, or take some time off.

You can't carry on driving tiny babies for hours in car seats around the country every day.

JenLindleyShitMom · 09/09/2016 22:08

He needs to hire a driver. There is no two ways about it.

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