To hide in the bath?

[WindInThePussyWillows]

I'm exhausted. My twins turned 5 months today and I'm completely and utterly exhausted. I know I'm completely blessed and so lucky but I literally haven't stopped.
DP lost his driving license a month ago because he's a fucking twat so for the past 27 days I have had to drive him everywhere for work, he works 6/7 days a week 8am-7pm and his appointments are all over the county.
We have 5 more months of his ban to go . He completely deserves it, but his actions have lead to me and the babies being punished too, I now have no life and no time to just stay at home and chill or see my friends. The babies come first so during each of his appointments they get a lovely fresh air walk (totalling about 5 hours a day) I refuse for them to be stuck in a boring car all day - but the walking is adding to my exhaustion.

I just told him I'm popping up for a quick bath, WIBU to lock the door and just soak for an hour or so?

I'm emotionally and physically at my breaking point and I just need a little rest to reset me. Sorry to rant

Hire someone to drive his car!

Well, if he works for himself he needs to start planning his appointments in such as way as to not be reliant on you driving him around. He could either make block-bookings so that he has a series of appointments in the same general area or space out the appointments (which might mean longer days).

FWIW, I don't have a car and run between my firm's various offices in different European cities, my homeworking space and client sites in different cities all the time. It's doable, it just requires smart planning.

You're not his driver FFS, especially not since he lost his license due to his own stupidity!

Exactly what ohlittlepea said.

Your babies shouldn't be in the car seats for that long either thinking about it. He really really needs to find a solution before they're on the move.

Can you afford nursery for them?

I agree this can't go on for 5 months. It's no good for the babies, no good for you.
Can appointments be arranged so that they're all in the same town on the same day.

It would probably be cheaper to hire a driver or assistant than pay for nursery unless the cost can be covered by tax credits.

I completely agree with everything you are all saying which is why I'm so frustrated and just at complete breaking point. I've never let the babies stay in their car seats more than an hour and a half in any one go and always make sure they have atleast an hours break in the pram laying flat and take a play mat which is good for rolling about on the grass (I know it's seasonal and soon can't do this).

I'm just not confident we can afford a drastic change like a driver but agree this can't go on.

Tomorrow is last working day before a ten day holiday. I'm going to give him till the end of the holiday to arrange alternative arrangements and then a one week grace period at the end of the holiday to the-adjust.

Is that fair???

It's more than fair. I was pretty much broken for the first year with my twins never mind all of what you're dealing with. Does he appreciate what you're having to because of his cock up? I'm assuming DUI.

Sorry I thought I replied to a PP, it was an invalid insurance policy on top of existing speeding points. I went absolutely nuts, he will never repeat his decision again. Completely wreckless and selfish, not only to my family but god forbid if he had been in an accident and injured another person, i could never forgive him.

Wind

I was in your situation I had a child who had just started reception and a tiny baby. Ban was for 18 months and all the driving around and sorting everything for everyone was bloody hard. Like you I was supportive and did all I could to make the Ban pass with as little disruption as possible. It was incredibly stressful but I though ah well he's learned his lesson and it won't happen again. I was wrong 5 years later and this time a 3 year ban...fucking three years!!! A year into the second ban I was broken with the stress (other stresses too) and I left. I still very much doubt he learned his lesson and I would put money on the fact that once he has his licence back it will only be a matter of time before it happens again, but I will not be there to pick up the peices again.

It is his mistake, he should be paying for it NOT you and your DC.

Lilly thank you so much for sharing, the strain on the relationship alone is horrendous, I am exhausted and grumpy and he feels he has lost all sense of independence - there is nothing within walking distance of our house other than other houses.

I'm so surprised by your comments that after a ban your Ex continued to drive inappropriately and had a second ban!!!! I've never even had a speeding ticket and this experience has scared me into being a much safer driver, I never realised how reliant we are on our cars!

Sorry for assuming op - but still what a hearty thing to do, especially when he needs to drive for his living! Kudos to you for managing so well so far.

I think what your suggesting is very fair and I'm sure your DP will to.

You're being more than fair OP. 17 days is plenty of time for him to plan his appointments more efficiently and to arrange alternative transport.

A family member is currently her husband's chauffeur while he is banned from driving. It's been over a year now and he is self employed so she drives him to all his clients then sits in the car while he works. She has no children to care for and luckily doesn't work herself but it's still a massive sacrifice for her to give up her days to ferry him around because of his own stupidity! I am angry on her behalf and I'm beyond fuming on yours.

I had a colleague who lost his licence through points accumulation from repeated speeding. He had twins too. His wife refused to help. His mother did. She drove everywhere below speed limits, talked nonstop, went into client meetings and was generally awkward. Six months of that, and he never did it again.

My father lost his for a year for DUI. My mother would not accommodate. He had to walk 3 miles each morning to the nearest bus stop, ditto on the return. He also has learnt his lesson.