Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off

42 replies

zoid1 · 09/09/2016 16:40

I need an operation and have been waiting for it a long time. It's not life threatening but it is intermittently painful/uncomfortable. The waiting list is long so I've been waiting for around 12 months.

I've been told this week that it's likely to be scheduled for a certain Saturday in October. Unfortunately the Saturday is one that myself and DP were signed up to do a running event, in another city, we paid to enter and paid for a hotel.

The hospital advise that I should prepare to be in a lot of pain and the surgery means I will find it painful and difficult to walk, for this reason someone must drive me home.

We live in London, my family live in Scotland, DP is the only person I know with a car. He's saying he's paid to enter so he won't be dropping out and I should get the op moved. I can't do this so it seems I'll have to get a taxi.

I feel really sad that he's willing to allow me to get home alone and have to spend that first night on my own when my mobility will be limited and I will be in so much pain.

Is that high maintenance? Am I being unreasonable? I genuinely don't think I am. If it was reversed I wouldn't go.

It just makes me feel sad!

NC for this

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/09/2016 16:43

I would feel sad as well :( I'm sorry man Flowers

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 09/09/2016 16:44

Oh no you are not at all being unreasonable.

You poor thibg

Mookbark · 09/09/2016 16:47

zoid your DP is a prat.
Also, are you having a general anaesthetic? If you are, you probably won't be allowed home on your own as recommendations are that you have someone with you for 24 hours afterwards.
Flowers

Katarzyna79 · 09/09/2016 16:50

Yanbu

you both paid to enter not just him. What is more important losing a bit of money or being there for your loved one in their time of need.

If he's not your husband i'd be reconsidering the relationship. The consultants have told you you will be in pain and need assistance, yet your DP is more concerned about this event and being out of pocket.

Find a friend or family member to drive over to help you out don't return alone.

Good luck with the OP i hope it all goes well and you recover fast

Tiggeryoubastard · 09/09/2016 16:50

No you're not at all. I'm one of those that can't understand when people complain their dp's haven't taken leave for very minor ops or other spurious reasons. But in this situation, if there's no one else (which I understand - I've lived all my adult life away from family, that's why I'm self sufficient) he should cancel that for once, I feel.

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 16:51

Thanks for replies! Glad I'm not U but not really sure how to approach Dp cos the fact is, even if I can change his mind, it's more about the issue that he doesn't want to do it off his own back?

Mook yes general aenasthetic (can't spell) I'm staying in overnight so will be going in Saturday and coming out Sunday I think. Actual event is Sunday but he will be travelling up on the sat

OP posts:
0hCrepe · 09/09/2016 16:52

What a selfish dick. Have you asked about getting the date changed? (For your sake)

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 16:53

Thanks for all replies. Yes it is making me have thoughts about our relationship that I don't want to have actually.

Hmm not sure what to say but glad the consensus is that I'm not U/some kind of princess

OP posts:
CodyKing · 09/09/2016 16:54

My DH did this once - and I repaid the favour when he needed help -

He just assumed is be OK and went - I couldn't move for the three days he was away and my sister put groceries on the step for me - I was contagious and she was expecting .....

I have sympathy for you but you know what his priorities are - My DH certainly found out later that year

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 16:55

Oh crepe I haven't, but I'm sure it's a no to date changing as they advised me they have managed to find me a slot (tbc) they've prioritised me a bit as an admin error meant I've waited much longer than the usual Leadtime. So it seems like they've squeezed me in

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2016 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 16:55

Cody. What did you do?

OP posts:
Wellywife · 09/09/2016 16:56

I'm very mild but I'd be bloody furious with your DH. Putting off an NHS appointment would be very foolhardy with a waiting list like that. What was that line in the wedding vows..."in sickness and in health"? Well now is the time you need his support. If you'd booked a holiday would he have gone without you? I hope not. So to stand you up for a bloody run!!! Unbelievable.

MindSweeper · 09/09/2016 16:57

I'd be absolutely furious if my DP did that. But I know he wouldn't.

I'm so sorry a shit situation is being made even worse Flowers

HaPPy8 · 09/09/2016 17:02

YANBU he is being selfish and unkind.

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 17:05

I'm so angry now. I don't want to drip feed but there have been two other occasions when he's been completely cold and now I keep thinking about those and getting really angry.

OP posts:
CodyKing · 09/09/2016 17:06

Me? Returned the favour when he was ill - went out and left him too it!

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 17:07

Sorry posted too soon.

One occasion when a friend of mine committed suicide and I received a call to let me know, I was crying and he asked me about hand luggage weight allowance for British airways.

Not going to post the other as its massively outing but it's making me think there's something really wrong with him

OP posts:
StressedNHSemployee · 09/09/2016 17:25

The only thing wrong with him is that he doesn't give a shit about you and your needs are not a priority or worth his while

StressedNHSemployee · 09/09/2016 17:28

Also... are sure you will stay overnight.

Most operations are carried out as day cases now unless they are major or there are other medical issues. If you have no one to take you home they may just cancel your operation

suspiciousdelicious · 09/09/2016 18:11

Tell him he needs to prioritise you. Make sure he understands. Don't just expect him to work it out. Until you have babies you are the centre of his universe and vice versa.
If he still goes I hope he gets runny poo during the event and disgraces himself. whoooohahahahahahahahahahahah

chickenowner · 09/09/2016 19:02

I just went and asked my DP about this. We came to the conclusion that neither of us would go away for the weekend while the other was in hospital! The only situations we could think of when we might would be something like a close family member's wedding or funeral. Your DP seems a bit heartless. Sad

SabineUndine · 09/09/2016 19:09

They definitely won't let you go home after a general anaesthetic if there isn't someone to collect you and look after you, even for something very minor. I had an investigation (laparoscopy) a few years ago and they weren't even keen on letting me go home with the friend who'd promised to keep an eye on me. So do check they are planning to let you stay overnight if you go ahead without your DP there.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/09/2016 19:14

OP, it was events like this and the affair Angry that made me realise my then H (no D there) didn't give a shit about me.
Go ahead with your operation , you need it, but pay very close attention to what he does or doesn't do.

Original poster
zoid1 · 09/09/2016 19:19

Mine sorry to hear your DH was a turd! Can I ask you, other than weird events like this, was your DH otherwise loving and affectionate?

OP posts: