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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL being a bad guest?

80 replies

JadeFeather · 09/09/2016 13:43

Have invited my MIL over for a late afternoon tea tomorrow to my new house with her sister who is visiting for abroad. Told her today what we were planning to serve (as she told me she has been invited to a dinner after) in case we needed to change it because of the dinner plans. Was planning a nice big tea as they were going for a long walk after brunch and hadn't had any dinner plans before. She started complaining that it's too rich (in general not in light of the dinner) and said "none of us would ever eat that stuff" etc. Feel really bad. If I hadn't told her I'm sure she would have come here and complained about it. I've never had guests who tell the host what they should serve. Isn't that really rude? We have always been told to be grateful for what we get and if it's too much then surely they could just eat smaller portions. I think it upsets me a lot because I lived with her for a few months and whenever I would cook she would complain about how it didn't meet one of her and her husbands thousands of dietary requirements (which she makes up herself and are not based on anything other than personal preferences and myths she has heard eg she doesn't eat tomatoes because someone told her she shouldn't for some reason or the other). I've had guests who are vegeatrians, have allergies etc and they let me know beforehand and that's not an issue. With my MIL its impossible to ever please her. Luckily I lived abroad for about a year. Now I'm back I feel so stressed thinking about how I will deal with having her over.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 09/09/2016 16:18

She's stopping by for a cup of tea, not a meal, right?

Go to M&S or Waitrose (if you have one near by), get a Victoria sponge, some scones, jam and clotted cream, some naice biscuits and a bunch of seedless grapes. Display nicely and let them have what they want.

nannybeach · 09/09/2016 16:25

Yup, that sounds EXACTLY like me MILJust give them tea (drink)

george1020 · 09/09/2016 16:32

If it was me I would make the richest afternoon tea I could think of with plenty of sweet things. Display it beautifully and make MIL sis feel as special and spoilt as I could while passive aggressively smirking at MIL. But then I'm a bitch so might not be the best way to deal with it Grin

ferngrubb · 09/09/2016 16:33

Glass of water and a water biscuit for her then!

Olddear · 09/09/2016 16:47

Nice cake/biscuits for guest. Cup of tea and a Bath Oliver for MIL. And a note to self to never ask her round again.

Lunde · 09/09/2016 16:54

Give her a cup of tea and toast/crumpet with butter only or cheese and biscuits - then put out the cake for others to enjoy

JadeFeather · 09/09/2016 16:56

Thanks all. I was wondering whether I was the only one that was told that you never make a fuss when someone has been kind enough to invite you over. Glad to hear everyone else agrees that it's bad manners. Generally she is quite well mannered but when it comes to food made by her daughter in laws she is very fussy and critical. My other SIL has hinted that this happened with her in the past but now she lives in Australia far far away!

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 09/09/2016 16:58

Tell her no problem and just serve drinks.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2016 17:05

She may well be a rude bitch the rest of the time, but she sounds quite reasonable on this one.

You asked what she thought, and she told you.

Just put a plate of various sandwiches on the coffee table.

No one wants a meal and cake before they go out for dinner.

mouldycheesefan · 09/09/2016 17:09

Brunch plus afternoon tea plus dinner Out is too much.
She said she doesn't eat cake just give her a cup of tea and ask if she wants a sandwich to keep her going till her dinner.
Make life easy for yourself!

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 09/09/2016 17:10

cup of tea and sugar free biscuits

Nothing else.

My lovely nan is getting like this. So I don't don't dance to her tune any more. Life is too short to get upset over fussy adults.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 09/09/2016 17:12

You MIL sounds a bit attention-seeking with this behaviour OP.

I agree with others saying just do a light 'help yourself' buffet style lunch and let her crack on with it. I assume your other guest will not be so fussy so will appreciate something nice. Is anyone else going to be there too or just the three of you? If others, just carry on regardless and let MIL cater for herself from a selection. I'd do this with no further mention of food and gloss over any comments. She sounds quite hard work!

JadeFeather · 09/09/2016 17:33

Yes she definitely has an attention seeking streak.

@saucyjack. The menu I was planning I would have probably changed a bit (even though it's a bloody nuisance being told the day before) only because they made dinner plans. I told her that's what I had been planning and she said she wouldn't have eaten it even if she didn't have the dinner to go to! That's the thing that annoyed me. If she didn't have the dinner I would have made it all and she would have complained about how it's too heavy for her. It's happened one too many times now and I don't feel like having her over any more. She's fine otherwise eg if I go to her house.

OP posts:
Whereismumhiding2 · 09/09/2016 17:48

She does sound hard work! Hmm

Planty18 · 09/09/2016 21:08

Just never tell her what you're planning. If she asks you beforehand (if you ever invite her to eat again, which I definitely wouldn't!) just say there's no point in telling you as it won't suit you whatever it is. A pp said it right, about never striking the right note, that's the perfect way of putting it. State it but don't ever apologise, the problem is definitely her!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 09/09/2016 21:10

Buy big cake.
Lick the bloody icing off!!

Uricon · 09/09/2016 21:22

You will never,ever please her so do exactly what you feel like doing, without reference to her ever changing wishes.

The harder you try to accommodate her, the worse she will get, sadly.

JadeFeather · 09/09/2016 21:32

Yeah I'm pretty sure I won't ever please her. Was wondering what the best approach would be going forward- not invite her over, have a word with her, totally ignore her requirements and sit through her moaning about how she can't eat what I've made or flat out refuse to eat my food and proceed to make her own alternative :(

OP posts:
Therealloislane · 09/09/2016 21:43

What was your menu?

Plaintalkin · 09/09/2016 21:46

Tell her to bring her own !!

2rebecca · 09/09/2016 21:51

I think if she is coming mid afternoon and doesn't want to eat much and just wants to see you and have a cup of tea you should go with that. Some people confuse food with hospitality. We had relatives who were en route from home and my grandparents but my parents often avoided them because they insisted we had a huge meal regardless of what time it was and what my parents said. We would have gone more often if they would just have offered a cup of tea and their company.

rollonthesummer · 09/09/2016 21:52

If she's going out to dinner, she won't want to eat a 'late afternoon tea' and I can't say I blame her. She may be a pain but I'm with her on this. Just make her a cuppa!

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2016 21:56

Just stop inviting her to meals. Stop torturing yourself.

Are there others coming to tea? If not, why are you putting yourself through something you know would be the same old shit?

Make her a cup of tea, offer a rich tea biscuit. Forget the rest, you know they aren't going to touch it.

bumsexatthebingo · 09/09/2016 22:02

Make her a sandwich of her choice. I would go to no effort whatsoever for someone so rude. And I agree have a delicious cake to offer the sister and make sure you say to MIL before you bring it out that you know it will be FAR too rich for her and just cut yourself a slice and offer the sister some.

Cherrysoup · 09/09/2016 22:15

Why on earth haven't you told her she's a rude fucking cow?! Jesus, even in a jokey way, but with a serious glint in your eye, I so bloody would.

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