Aibu to think that mental health service are inaccessible to sahm?

[ArriettyMatilda]

I am a sahm and most of the cbt, group sessions, workshops and counselling happens in between the hours of 9am -5pm. How, as a sahm with no child care between 7am-7pm, am I supposed to access any support? Even the ones I'm the evening are too far away for me to get to by the time dp gets home.

The only option I can see is cbt online (apparently there is an instant messaging version, I'd feel far to awkward doing a video call or speaking over the phone). But I'm really trying to be online less as I know that makes me feel worse. Plus I've been told to self refer and there are five providers of these services that cover my area, how am I supposed to choose and what if I make the wrong choice? My gp is referring me for counselling but by the looks of half the websites I could self refer to that as well as the cbt and other groups /workshops. I have no idea what I'll do for childcare then either.

Has anyone else needed this kind of he'll as a sahm and what helped in the end?

I shall attempt to reply to all those who've asked me questions, I may need to use a couple if posts to do so. Mittensonastring I haven't been recommended a particular number of sessions, the gp has directed me to the first steps website and from their I can see when they are running emotion gym (workshops on things like stress, anger etc). This time the evening sessions are too far away for me to get to time and they aren't until January. The closer ones are daytime so I have the childcare issue. Then she's suggested the iapt services which I am to self refer to. Now I am confused to self refer to one organisation only, how many chances do i get to do cbt, can I try it online and then again in person if I can get childcare? Frankly I am overwhelmed by the choice.

blueshoes I am worried that they wouldn't want me looking after their children given that I am struggling with my own.

Shantotto I am going to try something online that I can fit in when she goes to bed at night (although I often fall asleep as she won't sleep until 9 or 10). I can't see her allowing me to do it whilst she's awake.

FrancisCrawford thank you. I will be going back to the go, she has asked me to book another appointment with her anyway. I do keep thinking about going swimming or doing an exercise class but I think I shall start with walking as you suggested. Dd is quite heavy so it's not easy taking her out in the push and that puts me off doing it. I think on the days we've not been outside much I will need to take myself out for half hour in the evening.

george1020 I have tried mindfulness but I could never fit in the meditations due to dds sleep pattern. I would like to know what you have read that's helped. Part of it is me worrying that I will fail. I've signed up to future learn courses in the past and found it really hard to keep going, even when the subject matter interests me.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler all money goes into a joint account here so it wouldn't and couldn't just be me. We have a a budget and already overspend which means we are going to struggle when we need to pay for car insurance and Christmas. The budget needs evaluating and I need to stick to it, perhaps that would help.

Flanderspigeonmurderer I don't think there is mind here. We have another charity but lots of things are held half hours drive away and dp won't be back in time. I just signed up to mood gym last night, I am going to try and do it on a set day each week and make it a priority.

To those who have mentioned childcare, dd will soon be doing two mornings a week at preschool. I really hope that does free up some time for me. We will already have to tighten her belts to afford this, as she will not get her funded hours yet.

Can you get your GP to refer you to Home Start if you have it in your area? Or contact them yourself. They have lots of ways they can help from a volunteer coming to your house and offering childcare, support networks etc. If you get referred, they meet with you to work out what support you need, and according to their website over a third of parents seek help for mental health.

SloanePeterson I felt uncomfortable with dd there at the gp. I'm worried she will hear me moaning about her and think I don't love her.

Amelie10 you are right, I don't expect that but I also can't see how I can access them. Which is why I am asking here.

Jamiesmuddyknees the only women's centres I can find are for women who have been subject to abuse. Did you mean some other kind of centre?

I forgot to say on my last post that I don't really want to start any more childcare up for dd with her starting nursery so soon.i will try to find something that fits with the mornings she will be doing.

Could you go back to work? I think you're right about the "trapped ness" of being a sahm with no local extended family, and I found all kinds of doors opened to me when I returned to work. Having some regular childcare that I could "justify" (in my head) paying for, more spare money for treats, and the flexibility to go to any appointments or anything I needed to do was so valuable.

I have messaged you OP with the things that helped me get started, hope that's ok. Its a fairly long message (blush) and didn't want it to clog up your thread.

Ionacat I will ask my gp about that.

mrsplum2015 aside from the current issue I do quite like being at home. I do work but it's at the weekend and I agree it does help me but I am happier going knowing that dd is cared for by her dad.

george1020 Thanks, that is kind. I think I am clogging up my own thread anyway

I do feel for you. My daughter needed to see a perinatal psychiatrist when pregnant. She was offered an appointment over an hour away which was very inaccessible by public transport and she didn't drive. She was lucky as I took a day off work to drive her there, I did wonder how many pregnant women with children would manage to attend such appointments. We were told that this was the nearest place she could attend. When needing to attend CBT after the birth, it was in the middle of the day. Luckily, I again could help. Not everyone can get this help.

I just want to say that you have made me see that this is not solely a sahm issue. Nor do I expect the NHS to be 24/7. I can also now see there is some help I can access and perhaps that will be enough for now. There's just so much available it's very overwhelming and with all the logistical difficulties I have no idea what to choose and see things that I think might help but that feel totally inaccessible. I don't want to pile on too much and fail at it all.

I will go back to the gp and share my concerns. I am currently trying to do course on future learn called "Literature and Mental Health: Reading for Well Being". I will to make time for that and also the mood gym website that uses cbt. I am also going to do a parenting course at the children's centre where they do offer a creche, so whilst it's not exactly support for my mental health it might help. And I will try to go out for a walk most days. With dd starting nursery I hope that won't be too much.

Get your dp to take some time off. It doesn't even need to be whole days, a morning or afternoon would do. What's more important, a week of holiday once, or a mum well enough to enjoy her kids and family time? It's ok to prioritise yourself sometimes x

I just wanted to second the recommendation to look into whether Home Start can help - ask your GP for a referral or look here: www.home-start.org.uk/ I hope you can find a way to make this work.

The NHS MH service I work in responded to service users saying a particular group we ran was inaccessible to workers or SAHP because it ran in 9-5 hours.

So we agreed to trial an evening group. Wrote to 30+ people who'd requested it. Only got 12 replies confirming they'd attend.

So we put it on and had three people turn up the first week. Some weeks we had four or five, some weeks two. One week only one. Everyone that did attend said how good the group was and they really intended to come every week but 'by the time I got home from work/had been with the kids all day I was knackered'.

The staffing levels required for risk management purposes plus staff inconveniencing themselves (willingly - but we're a 9-5 service so it meant staff working from 9am to 9pm by the time we'd got everyone out of the door and cleared everything away and we didn't get overtime but time off in lieu) plus keeping the building open after hours etc meant it wasn't cost or time effective.

DNA rates and costs are absorbed in a 9-5 service but expensive out of hours.

Daisycat45 I'm so glad you could do that for your daughter.

Comejointhemurder I can sympathise with them, I'm knackered now! But it's a shame that they asked for something that wasn't used.

I keep thinking about asking friends but I'm scared they won't want me with my anger, low mood and binge eating to reciprocate the favour and then what do I have to offer them?