Aibu to think that mental health service are inaccessible to sahm?

[ArriettyMatilda]

I am a sahm and most of the cbt, group sessions, workshops and counselling happens in between the hours of 9am -5pm. How, as a sahm with no child care between 7am-7pm, am I supposed to access any support? Even the ones I'm the evening are too far away for me to get to by the time dp gets home.

The only option I can see is cbt online (apparently there is an instant messaging version, I'd feel far to awkward doing a video call or speaking over the phone). But I'm really trying to be online less as I know that makes me feel worse. Plus I've been told to self refer and there are five providers of these services that cover my area, how am I supposed to choose and what if I make the wrong choice? My gp is referring me for counselling but by the looks of half the websites I could self refer to that as well as the cbt and other groups /workshops. I have no idea what I'll do for childcare then either.

Has anyone else needed this kind of he'll as a sahm and what helped in the end?

[george1020]

I'm not sure what MH issues you are experiencing but I have found really trying self help books has helped me enormously.
If you can't leave the house then maybe self help might be an option?

I do see a cbt specialist but tbh my self help/anxiety workbooks have helped me much more!
As long as you can put some effort in and try different online and book resources you really can help yourself.

I can let you know what books have been good for me so far if you like?

Amazon reviews are good for choosing different books and online blogs, forums are really good for advice and other people's stories obviously only take internet advice that works for you.

Otherwise I can only see your options as babysitter, friends and family or seeing if any therapists may do sessions while your DC play quietly in the corner.

[Arseicle]

It's not harsh, its true. Not fair to blame it on the service when you go out and about everywhere else, and can't afford a sitter but can afford clothes and holidays and activities.
You either make it work or you don't, you don't state that no SAHM's can access an entire category of services.

She specifically asked if she was making it inaccessible to herself and the answer is clearly yes. Now work on accessing it if thats what you want.

[fittedcupboard]

The NHS is completely underfunded so routine services are offered in office hours - to do them out of hours would be more expensive. You can't see a consultant in outpatients out of hours too. I'm afraid you're wanting a Ferrari service for a Ford Fiesta price.

[gqip]

I had this when my LO was 6 months and needed to start CBT, no family or friends around to help at all.
My CPN suggested speaking to the local children's centre / sure start. They had a list of approved local childminders and I was able to find one willing to have my LO for just 2 hours a week to cover the sessions.
I had never left LO before and was anxious at first but after a couple of times I was a lot more confident about going.

[Snog]

I agree this is really difficult and there really should be evening and weekend sessions available.
If you can go privately you will find evenings are available. In my area CBT is £85 but spending money on counselling is money well spent indeed and would come high up my list of priorities. Paying for a babysitter would be cheaper than private CBT though.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

How old is DD? I understand that money is very tight for you but I do think it might be beneficial for all of you if you could find a private nursery for DD - just for one half day session per week so not necessarily that expensive - and choose a morning or afternoon that allows you to attend therapy.

Getting regular help with your anxiety will hopefully help you a lot, but could also have a positive effect on life in general with your DD (maybe give you more confidence etc.)

It shouldn't just be you to make sacrifices to pay for it though - could DH contribute any more?

[giggly]

I think it is a difficult situation for most people trying to access services. As a provider of these services I chose to work 9_5 to fit in with my childcare.The NHS does not pay our service overtime so I would be out of pocket for extra cm hours if we offered extended hours.
I second checking out the voluntary sector as a lot of them provide creches. The other option is to pay privately or does your employer provide an employee counselling service?
Online supports are very useful as well.
Good luck op.

[cjt110]

ArriettyMatilda IT's inaccessible to me too and I work fulltime. But if you want to get the benefit, you have to prioritise.

[AWishAndADream]

How old is your daughter? Does she still have a health visitor?

When I was in a similar situation the HV was able to organise a creche type thing for my daughter nearby to the counselling place. I told my counsellor my worries about her being there so some of our session took place on a walk around the area where we'd pop in on the creche to check on my daughter.

[yeOldeTrout]

I agree it's probably no worse for SAHPs than other parents or carers. But I do sympathise. I had 1 toddler + 3 at primary school and my own long list of obstacles (kid related) to deal with when I tried to access MH support. Turned out to be easier to struggle on by myself.

[Flanderspigeonmurderer]

Could you contact your loca mind? I self referred on the advice of my GP and had counselling in the evening.
Also have you used mood gym? It's a website with a cbt course you can do at your own pace.

[Flanderspigeonmurderer]

Sorry, should have added that my counselling with mind was free as my CCG was funding it. It's worth finding out if yours does too.

[Herzie29]

I would try the online option if that's available to you in your area. I'm a SAHM and currently accessing help this way. In some ways I am finding it easier than face to face as its a bit more anonymous and I feel I can be more open than I might be. It has taken a bit longer to build up a relationship with my councillor, but after several session is is making a difference.

I don't have family help and would struggle to pay for any extra child care so it's made it much easier than a regular appointment.

[Herzie29]

Just to add - that in my area it's free, you can self-refer and I have evening session once the DCs are in bed.

[SloanePeterson]

It was several years ago now but I had cbt when my son was about 2 years old, I had horrific anxiety, ocd and anorexia. I had an amazing therapist who let me schedule our appointments for the time my son was most likely to nap, I'd walk him round the log way to the health centre hoping he'd sleep in his buggy. If he didn't, it was no problem, I took toys and colours with him. It was, no exaggeration, a lifesaver for me. Ask for help, most people are happy to help if they're asked. No one would have volunteered to jiggle things around a bit for me if I hadn't explained the problems.

[Amelie10]

But do you really expect people to work outside of these hours just to cater to you? What about employed people? When do they find the time within a working day. You want the help, it's available, you need to find/ make the time to go to the sessions.

[harderandharder2breathe]

I have phone cbt and find it actually better for me than face to face as I can do it in my own familiar surroundings and don't have the stress of going to see someone.

Yabu to feel discriminated against. Most working people also struggle with things 9-5, if it's s priority you have to find a way. Your husband taking leave is a good option, probably better than paid childcare. I know you feel guilty but I bet he would like to help to have you feel better

[JellyBelli]

Jamiesmuddyknees
Arriety I'm not sure where you're based but have you thought about seeing if there are any womens centres in your area? I volunteer at one and we have a creche on site which allows women in your situation to recieve free counselling.

Excellent advice, or ask them to Skype you.

[myfavouritecolourispurple]

If you had a physical illness that needed treatment, your DP would take the time off wouldn't he?

Mental illness is no different. He should be able to get some compassionate leave, but failing that, take annual leave.

Your child is his child too.

[sianihedgehog]

How old is your child? I was referred while pregnant, and my baby was due before the end of my expected course of cbt, and they said to bring him with me if necessary, as he would be too young to be separated and too young to understand or be upset by the situation.

Your local council will have lists of all the registered childminders in your area - you could email and ask if any of them would be able to take your child once a week for the sessions. They often have single morning or afternoon slots free.

My work offers parents a few additional discretionary days of parental leave specifically for things like childcare issues or sick children and your partner may be able to access something like that in order to look after your child while you go?

[AButterflyLightsBesideUs]

I understand what you mean OP. I think it's hard for a lot of people. I was in very bad mental shape after a late pregnancy loss & immediate new pregnancy, desperately in need of help. I waited until DD was 3 and attending preschool before I managed to carve out some time for me to seek counselling & CBT. By which point it had spiralled into PTSD and an anxiety disorder.

It's really hard

[MrsBobDylan]

You mentioned evening sessions-could dp come home early once a week to allow you to go?

Everything is more complicated when dc are young. A logistical nightmare!

Alternatively, our childminder would do a couple of hours each week as long as it was regular for a period. Could you use that as an option?

[dinnerbell]

DH had to take time off work (as annual leave) to mind the dc when I went for therapy on the NHS, no chance of getting sessions at any other times. And then they upped my sessions to three times a week so my mum came to stay with us for a couple of years (from abroad) to help look after the dc. It was demanding but absolutely essential for my mental health. DH had to take loads of time off when I had cancer several years ago and we didn't see this as any different, my mental health is just as important as my physical health.