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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to pay my DH for half my birthday present?

70 replies

SapphireSeptember · 07/09/2016 20:27

My birthday was on Monday. My DH was a complete twat for the whole day and ruined it for me, and he didn't get me a present. So when he went to our nearest big shopping centre yesterday to buy some clothes I asked him to get me a few things, to make it up to me. He then comes home with no clothes, a load of expensive crap he didn't need, and the demand that I pay him half because he's now skint. I would like to clarify this is the first thing he has got me in years, he only got a job in April after being unemployed for seven years, and I supported him and paid for everything in that time. Should I demand he pay me half for all the money I spent on him? I cannot believe him, I'm so annoyed with him right now.

OP posts:

george1020 · 07/09/2016 21:01

Really you can do so much better! And Tbh from the sounds of it you really could not do any worse!!! Definitely LTB
Also bit strange he has such young friends, maybe iabu but seems a bit odd and will hardly help with him acting his age.

Anyway you are worth more than that and to be really cringey..... you only get one life don't waste it away with someone who doesn't treat you well.

Original poster

SapphireSeptember · 07/09/2016 21:11

Aww, you lot are lovely. I have some lovely friends in real life who have treated me, yesterday one took me out for lunch and another is doing so on Friday.

OP posts:

QueenLaBeefah · 07/09/2016 21:12

Have fun with your friends and maybe enjoy being single for a while.

Next time you get a boyfriend try to find one who is as nice as your friends.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/09/2016 21:26

You've had a glimpse into the future... what if you just had a DC, needed essential supplies bringing to the hospital and he wants to charge you half.

DH had to get me some bigger trousers after I had DS as the ones I wore in were messy and because my labour was so quick I didn't have any clean ones at home (still in the wash basket). He got two pairs in two sizes so I could pick the ones that fit the best (and he returned the other pair), plus delicious snacks, mini squash drink thingies, didn't demand I pay for it. In fact he even went off to buy me a cooked breakfast from the canteen.

Test any future boyfriend out with your friends first. Put them through their paces and don't settle for less.

CharlotteCollins · 07/09/2016 21:33

Definitely boyfriends should be at least as nice as lovely friends.

This one isn't.

You sound like you want to end it but can't quite make the leap. Just close your eyes and jump. You'll feel so much better without this cocklodger.

ImperialBlether · 07/09/2016 21:38

What kind of man that age has a best friend of 18?!

He's an immature cocklodger, OP - dump and make space for a lovely new man.

Arfarfanarf · 08/09/2016 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 08/09/2016 07:34

Why do you put up with this?

coconutpie · 08/09/2016 07:41

Tell him to return the expensive crap and get a refund. He sounds like a twat. Also, WTF is a 31 year old best mates with an 18 year old? That is just weird. You should consider ending your relationship. You've supported him for SEVEN years and now that he has a job, he cannot even get you a birthday present? Fuck that. Show him the door.

user1471552005 · 08/09/2016 07:49

He sounds quite a catch.

mostlyslowly · 08/09/2016 07:50

Just horrible. Treat yourself to a lovely experience with YOUR money, then tell him you can't afford him. You can do so much better, even on your own.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 08/09/2016 07:51

You've been with him over 7 years? Why?

fastdaytears · 08/09/2016 07:53

What are his redeeming features?

As everyone has said, the 18 year old BFF is weird

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 08/09/2016 07:54

You paid for everything for seven years while he didn't work? What a catch he is.

CoolCarrie · 08/09/2016 07:58

LTB ASAP! He is a waste of YOUR time! I've been there, got the t shirt, LTB now, he is going to get worse, not better. Let me stand on his own two feet, you have propped him up long enough! Happy Birthday and make this year a great one ( without him)

trafalgargal · 08/09/2016 08:01

He's clearly got an 18 year olds view of money the only difference is its the bank of GF not Mum.

As he can't afford to pay his way this month he can either return the crap he bought for refund so he can or move out. Sorry you've got yourself a boy there not a man. Time to move him out and move onwards and upwards.

bushtailadventures · 08/09/2016 08:03

He's a waste of space, and of your time! Put plans in place now so you can get rid of him. He's not going to get better, not while he knows you are there to pick him up all the time.

CoolCarrie · 08/09/2016 08:07

Let him stand on his own feet, not mine! ☺️

emilywemily · 08/09/2016 08:07

Leave the cheeky bastard!

trafalgargal · 08/09/2016 08:10

It was my birthday yesterday , my ex would have grumbled and had I reminded him bought me something or given me money to buy my own (and then moaned he was skint taking any pleasure from the gift for me). My partner spent the last two days treating me, taking me on days out, meals out and generally pampering me. My gift was an expensive ticket for an event I wanted. He earns a heck of a lot less than my ex but makes me feel like a princess year round with random gifts and thoughtful gestures. Like you I put up with my ex's selfishness probably because I fooled myself he cared. Get rid, it isn't about the money it's about generosity of spirit, he doesn't have any.

stiffstink · 08/09/2016 08:17

I can't get my head round the BF! Have they been friends for your whole 7 year relationship? I'm imagining a 24 year old being best friends with an 11 year old and, well, I am just stumped.

mostlyslowly · 08/09/2016 08:17

Trafalgar, that's how it should be done.
Off topic, but why do women put up with all the crap that some men seem to think is ok. Is it low self esteem?
I'm a bloke and feel bad that people get treated so poorly by others of my gender

bakeoffcake · 08/09/2016 08:38

Get rid of him and next year you will have a much happier day

He sounds a selfish, immature twat.

I also find it rather strange that a man in his 30s has a best friend of 18. If it's because they are the same level of maturity then that's another excellent reason to LTB.

Memoires · 08/09/2016 08:40

You really don't need this guy around, and he will continue to get worse. Kick him out - did he help you buy the place or pay the mortgage/rent/bills? Are your finances joint? How entangled are you?

If you have separate accounts, are renting and can afford to rent alone without contributions from him - inc bills - then just send him back to his mum. If she won't have him his little friend can put him up.

Think of it as a lucky escape.

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/09/2016 08:41

No really though. Why the fuck are you with him. Actually why. He's a complete and utter cocklodging tool. Why have you been supporting him to do jack shit?

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