Save the Date Cards

[Cackleberry4]

When you receive a save the date card a year or more ahead of the wedding, how can you get away with declining the invitation when it arrives?

The couple know full well that I have no holiday booked, I was shocked to be invited and was caught short when handed the STDC so no time to find an excuse to not attend on the hoof.

I hate the damn things AIBU?

It's not outranking at all, there may be good reasons why some friends are invited over family, we decided to keep to immediate family plus a few friends because if we'd have invited one aunt or uncle we'd have had to invite them all, plus partners, which would have added about 40 people (big families).

If you don't want to go, decline politely, just don't accept and then feel resentful, that would be mean spirited.

Gluezilla? Yeah I think she gave an update that they're still not friends

Thats right, Gluezilla. Not surprised theyre not friends still!

Oh FFS! If you don't want to go, just decline. We sent out save the date cards. We had people coming from 5 different countries/2 continents and the wedding was in the summer holidays. We thought it was polite to let people know the date in advance so they can plan accordingly if they wanted to come. We still had some people decline once we sent the invite. We didn't give it a second thought. We certainly weren't offended and we didn't ask them for a reason if they didn't give one. Not every woman getting married is a fucking bridezilla.

Thanks for that slap in the face LoadsofShoes.

We had a Save The Date fridge magnet recently - 6"x5" so not exactly tiny.

We also had a Save The Date card, so we promptly did and when the invite arrived it was for the evening reception only (still included a tacky poem). I was led to believe SAve The Dates are for day guests only?

OP you're really over thinking this.

A save the date is not an invitation, it is not a summons. It's just a heads up for people who like me have to plan their lives more than six weeks in advance.

I think they do make it a little more difficult to decline the invitation without it seeming like you just don't want to go, but on the whole the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, so they aren't a bad thing.

Unfortunately it's difficult to decline at this stage, which is a shame as it would give them the opportunity to send a STDC to someone else, so just wait until the invites arrive then rsvp.

I saved the date for someone who then didn't invite me to the wedding!

We had them. Can backfire as friends I'd see or be chatting to would tell me "yeah we can make it l". when we sent the actual invitation out we had to chase loads of people who didn't answer as they'd assumed their response to the STD would suffice. We had nearly 200 people so I had no chance of remembering who'd said what when. Was a PITA.

So you don't need to respond now. It's just letting you know the date. And you should respond, formally, when the RSVP invitation arrives. If you don't want to go, you don't need to say why. Just sorry but unable to attend.

Just declinen politely when thin it's comes, but do it quickly so they can invite someone else.

I saved the date for someone who then didn't invite me to the wedding

No way!! That is so rude

If it is a wedding that you want to go to though it is handy not to have just booked a three week holiday in Maui that you can't cancel when the invitation plops onto the mat!

I think they're one of the more sensible aspects of weddings tbh. I don't see that they mean you have to attend, they just mean you can ensure the time is kept free if you do want to go (or make sure you're busy or book a holiday if you don't!)

You're making way too big a deal about this.

Just decline when the invitation arrives. No-one, but no-one expects every guest to be able to make it, not even B&Gs who send out STDCs.

People getting married can't win it seems. Invite people they get annoyed. Don't invite people they get annoyed. Give people notice they get narked. Don't give people notice they get huffy.

Yes this !!!