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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to have my hackles raise at how interested people are in DD's periods?

69 replies

ImissGrannyW · 07/09/2016 00:04

I have a 14, nearly 15 yr old dd.

As (apparently) everyone wants to know, she got her first period in March. When it came in, I wondered if I should tell people - close friends, family members, etc. Talked to DH, read body language etc from DD and told no one except my mum.

I'm SHOCKED by how many people who are friends of mine are 'fishing'? "oooo, has she started her periods yet? .... I wondered"

I do get that they were interested in when she walked, talked, used a potty, etc. But she's a fully formed person now. I don't know when my cousins, aunties, friends from around the country have their periods, so why are they so interested in DDs? And there seems to be a bit of a "I have a right to know" about it all.

Am I the only one, or does your DD also have no apparent privacy as to her womb???

OP posts:
AlcoChocs · 07/09/2016 09:00

Weird, can't believe you thought about telling people before they even asked Shock.
I didn't even tell my mother when I had my first period.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/09/2016 09:06

I have two teenage DDs and I have never been asked about their periods. That's weird.

What's even weirder is you even thinking about broadcasting it! Why?

"And there seems to be a bit of a "I have a right to know" about it all." I flat out don't believe that sorry

TheNaze73 · 07/09/2016 09:06

How weird?!! I can't believe how bloody nosey some people are

TimeIhadaNameChange · 07/09/2016 09:51

I don't find it bizarre, but only because my mother was like that. No idea who she told, other than the parents of a couple of friends I had sleepovers with (though I'd have been happy enough speaking to my friends about it and asking them to mention it so their mothers) - utter embarrasment of being shown where they'd stashed a bag in the bathroom for me. But I wouldn't be at all surprised to know it was gossip amongst her friends.

I had to have a chat with a friend's daughter last year to stop this very thing. Her mother was in hospital for quite a few months (and not in a state to discuss it with her myself). My mother mentioned she and the lass's grandmother had been talking about it, and my mother couldn't understand why I was so aghast at the idea that this was ideal topic of conversation. So I intervened, had a chat with the young lass (who was relieved it was with me and not my mother!) and bought her a few supplies to keep her going when she needed them. I did mention it to her father, and apologised if I'd overstepped the mark, but he was incredibly grateful.

It's strange, though, that whilst my mother loves to gossip about this sort of stuff she is of the opinion that menstruation itself is disgusting, which gave me a complex for many years.

The only person I might ask as in the OP is my old schoolfriend (who only has sons so this will never arise), purely because we went through it together, except she was a few years behind me. I'd simply be curious as to whether her daughter was as late starting as she was, but if she didn't want to tell me that's fair enough. I wouldn't push for the information.

Puremince · 07/09/2016 10:02

Have they only just started asking now, when she is almost 15? I would have thought most people would have assumed that an almost 15 year old had started.

PortiaCastis · 07/09/2016 10:23

Refuse to post my dds personal info but I started menstruating just before I was 10
This thread is very odd

didyoureally · 07/09/2016 10:27

I think this is so nosey and intrusive. Fair enough if people want to discuss their own intimate details but I would hate to be asked about my own plumbing let alone my DD's! I have been asked about DD in the past and thought that the nosey gits were dying to launch into a "ooh you will need to keep an eye on her now...watch out for boys...girls are such a worry" type discussion!

Onedaftmonkey · 07/09/2016 10:28

I remember my mum being asked all the time when I was 12. She would volenteer the information with alarming regulatory. So embarrasing. I don't think it's innapropriate just anoying especially if the poor girl is in ear shot.

WomanActually · 07/09/2016 12:42

I've been asked loads if dd (11) has started by other mums of girls in dds class who have. From around 6yr olds various mums Have had conversations about the physical changes in their dd bodies. I either don't contribute but look like like I'm listening etc when the conversations start or if I'm asked direct I just say dd doesn't want me talking about her body, which is true, she once overheard a mum telling another about her friend getting public and was horrified that two women were listing a few girls in her class with public hair, knowing the girls would be embarrassed if they were being talked about like that. She said "I hope you have not told them anything about my body" I hadn't and I wouldn't but I do wonder how many of the dds are actually ok with their mums sharing that information in the playground.

Telling close family members are different and I think I might mention something to my mam if it meant avoiding something awkward that would make dd feel bad, eg so she wouldn't suggest going swimming in front of everyone type thing, dd is close to her though so would probably say something herself anyway.

I do think dd should be the one who chooses who knows and as much as she's confident in herself and aware of all the changes t.hat are happening and will happen, she likes to keep it private and would be hurt as well as embarrassed if I'd spoke about her body to other Mums.

ThePinkOcelot · 07/09/2016 17:24

Can honestly say no one has ever asked me about DDs periods! Weird!

timelytess · 07/09/2016 17:30

No-one asked me such a thing about my daughter, and if they had I'd have told them to mind their own business.

Albadross · 07/09/2016 19:43

My dad told his mate about mine - my best friend's dad! I was mortified.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2016 05:16

I see the op never came back Hmm

Yorkieheaven · 08/09/2016 05:29

Never been asked about my dds and would never discuss them with anyone. It's their private business. I have heard mothers do this though. Hate it.

MissMargie · 08/09/2016 05:57

Was there fertility problems somewhere in the family so DGM might be fishing for info regarding that. I can't see why someone wants to know otherwise.

P1nkP0ppy · 08/09/2016 06:01

Not only did no one ever ask me about dd's periods, I'm dismayed that YOU consider it appropriate to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Poor girl Hmm
It's absolutely none of their business.

Skittlesss · 08/09/2016 07:34

Surely one posts the obligatory Facebook status in this situation? First born, first smile, first walk, first day at school, first time on the rag...

LittleLionMansMummy · 08/09/2016 08:10

Poor girl. One dsd volunteered the information to me and her dad and with the other dsd her mum spoke to dh to tell him as she wasn't quite as relaxed about discussing it. They told us because they stay with us regularly and there were times they got caught short etc. I seem to remember mil asking dh and feeling mortified for them. It's very different discussing teenagers who are often very sensitive and awkward about these things to a grown woman volunteering the information without embarrassment. For me it's up there with asking a couple if they've started trying for a baby yet. Yuck. Some things are personal and should remain personal.

WutheringTights · 08/09/2016 10:00

I basically stopped telling my mum stuff as soon as I was old enough as I knew anything like that would be a topic of family gossip and I hated it. It's a habit that's hard to break and so there are still lots of things I don't tell her and I'm pretty reticent with people generally. It's a shame as she'd love to be more involved in my life but I know that anything I tell her goes round all her friends and family. I don't want that relationship with my daughter so would generally keep things like that to myself.

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