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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to have my hackles raise at how interested people are in DD's periods?

69 replies

ImissGrannyW · 07/09/2016 00:04

I have a 14, nearly 15 yr old dd.

As (apparently) everyone wants to know, she got her first period in March. When it came in, I wondered if I should tell people - close friends, family members, etc. Talked to DH, read body language etc from DD and told no one except my mum.

I'm SHOCKED by how many people who are friends of mine are 'fishing'? "oooo, has she started her periods yet? .... I wondered"

I do get that they were interested in when she walked, talked, used a potty, etc. But she's a fully formed person now. I don't know when my cousins, aunties, friends from around the country have their periods, so why are they so interested in DDs? And there seems to be a bit of a "I have a right to know" about it all.

Am I the only one, or does your DD also have no apparent privacy as to her womb???

OP posts:
tofutti · 07/09/2016 01:03

Most girls get their period around the age of 12. Why are your friends and family asking you now, when your daughter is nearly 15?

Odd.

Tiggeryoubastard · 07/09/2016 01:04

I've had boys (but also much loved granddaughters). I'd think it weird if you told me, unless there was a reason. I may ask if the hormones kicked in, in a particularly noticeable way if it affected her behaviour. Otherwise no, not a spectator sport. Though it's absolutely not an issue to mention it yourself, or ask any male relly to pick up anything you need for you.

Tiggeryoubastard · 07/09/2016 01:07

Sorry, forgot to say, my nieces are that age, there's absolutely no issue with asking for males to buy them. I was born in '66, my father wasn't as much of a rarity as you'd think buying my lillets.

Absofrigginlootly · 07/09/2016 02:08

Eh?! Why are your friends asking?? And like someone said upthread why were you even contemplating who you should tell what to?! Very weird. Not your info to share. I wouldn't have even wanted my dad knowing!

My DM used to share really personal inappropriate info about me with her friends (and god knows who else) because she has no boundaries.

Feeling quite sorry for your DD right now.

If anyone asks just look at them like this --> Hmm and say "why do you want to know?" And "it's not up to me to share personal information about my DD, that's her decision"

Anyone who pushes you on that is even weirder than this thread!!

Liiinoo · 07/09/2016 02:26

This seems weird. when my DDs started I told my DH, my mum and one GM/SIL because she was around at the time. No-one else has ever asked.

I am trying to think how I would have responded if anyone had asked and I think I would have been honest (after all it isn't a shameful secret), but I think I would have added "why do you want to know, is everything ok?' Just in case another adolescent in their life was having difficulties.

Canyouforgiveher · 07/09/2016 02:35

I told no one when my two daughters got their periods. Why would I? If someone had asked me, I'd have been gobsmacked.

They will tell anyone who is in the house when it happens - dh, their brother, the dog, the unfair universe.

They would not care if we told random strangers either but it never seems to come up as a topic - either with random strangers or family or friends. Trying to imagine a world in which my friends ask me "so has your Tracy had her period yet?" Weird.

steff13 · 07/09/2016 02:40

When I was 12 a family friend asked my mum 'does Sabine wear a bra yet?' At a family gathering with 5 other people in the room.

I get why that's embarrassing, but couldn't they tell by looking at you?

WamBamThankYouMaam · 07/09/2016 02:54

Whenever someone asks me something that seems weird, or pushing the boundaries of most people's norms, I just respond saying it's a bit of an odd or personal thing to ask. No big deal.

I don't know why you announced it to your mother, and I don't know why people are asking you. You all sound a bit odd.

Liiinoo · 07/09/2016 03:00

Reading this brought back a truly embarrassing memory. I was quite old when I started - nearly 15. My mum had prepared me and I had towels and a belt stashed away at home. (that's how we rolled in the seventies. )

I eventually started during a holiday at my Grandparents in rural Ireland. My mum had to cycle 3 miles to the nearest shop which only had 'Doctor Whites' sanitary towels. Which were basically a chunky nappy with loops on each end. But no belts, so Gran had to make me one out of a cut up and re-stitched suspender belt. Then my (loony) aunt who was staying at my Grans recovering from a breakdown chose to tell anyone who passed by 'Liinoo's a woman now '. This was a cue for an elderly farmer and family friend who lived nearby to launch himself on me. I was horrified and bit and fought him off. Thank God.. Oh the good old days.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/09/2016 07:38

I told my mum and my sister, only because DD was staying with granny a few days later and my sister had a DD the same age, it was more in passing than a deliberate conversation. Neither of them said a word to DD but as she spent a lot of time at their homes I thought they should know (plus granny made sure she put a small lidded bin in her bathroom then).

Floggingmolly · 07/09/2016 07:40

And yet you initially wondered if you should tell people??

BombadierFritz · 07/09/2016 08:00

this seems a complete non issue. friends talk to each other. I can quite see my friends with kids the same age talking about this kind of thing. its a bit odd to wonder if you should tell people//announce it though. its just something that might come up in conversation eg x is a moody mare whenever her periods on. has that started for you with y yet? wtf do you do?

BigGreenOlives · 07/09/2016 08:06

I've talked about it with my friends but we are fairly open & talk about our periods too. I'd like the secrecy about periods to end - if I had a cold or migraine I'd let people know so why not something else which 50% of the population live with for about a week a month for 40 years?

CathFromCooberPedy · 07/09/2016 08:07

I find the sentence 'on her period' and 'when it [period] came in' off, like she's a bitch in heat Hmm

ateapotandacake · 07/09/2016 08:09

Have you read The Red Tent? The hippie in me wishes we celebrated young girls for their first period! My mum always treated it (as all bodily functions) as something dirty to be hidden and I didn't realise until quite recently how amazing it all is.
I don't know if YABU or not, just a wonder.

brasty · 07/09/2016 08:20

I think it is an unusual question to ask, unless those asking are mums of teenage girls. They will be asking not because they care if your DD has her period or not, but because they will be worried whether their DD is normal or not.
But simply say, sorry my DD would not want me to share that information. Easy.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 07/09/2016 08:21

My mother told everybody who would listen all about my first period, even though we weren't in the same country at the time (I was packed off to boarding school at 11). She wrote to my grandmothers, aunts and God alone knows who else.
I was mortified. So if I had a daughter I wouldn't be discussing her periods with anyone, I'd consider that private information.

Starduke · 07/09/2016 08:22

My mum discussed it with the mums of my swimming pals which made me Blush but it was specific to the problem of how we (the teenagers) could all carry on our swimming training schedules whilst having our periods - it was mainly asking for opinions and advice.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/09/2016 08:26

I would never have discussed such private matters of dds' with anyone, unless it was absolutely necessary for some reason.

If I were you I would just tell these over-nosy people - nicely - that this is an entirely private matter and you are not going to talk about it.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/09/2016 08:30

How were you going to tell people originally? Card? Smoke signal? Why would they want to know?!

Are you an over sharer? That would explain why people expect to know everything about your life. And explains why you'd consider telling anyone. I've never been asked. I don't think it's overly normal to discuss... It's certainly not polite conversation!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/09/2016 08:34

Oh get over yourself, I have a group of friends and we talk about just about everything from gardening to our periods,our dd's periods our ds's issues, current affairs. It's no weird at all .

ShotsFired · 07/09/2016 08:39

I don't even understand why you told your mum, let alone fret about telling the world and his aunt on top of that.

Was it anything to do with her? No.
Was it your news to share? No.
Was it even news? No.

If anyone wants to tell anyone about their personal health, that's up to them. But I just can't fathom why its anybody else's business, ever. And I also find the nosiness of the people asking downright baffling. I don't think I have ever cared about another woman's periods, and certainly not enough to actually ask!

CapricornCalling · 07/09/2016 08:40

I think fishing of this sort, or any sort is bang out of order!!

LaContessaDiPlump · 07/09/2016 08:48

This seems bizarre to me. I didn't know of the existence of periods until I found blood when wiping at age 10 Hmm, so I pretty much had to tell my mum. I still remember her standing at the end of the hall and telling my dad and him giving me this look that was sort of discomfort/embarrassment/annoyance all rolled into one. The idea of telling anyone else would have been akin to discussing bowel movements publicly!

I know the world is different now, but I'm not sure we ever get entirely past our initial taught responses in these matters.

Sallystyle · 07/09/2016 09:00

I don't think that's weird, especially if they have DDs of their own...not that she's said they have, but then she's given no context at all really.

"Has your child reached X milestone yet", is something most friends ask each other IME.

I'm with you. Yesterday a parent up the school who I'm friendly with asked me if my daughter was getting really emotional and asked me if I think perhaps they will be getting their periods soon.

I can see a friend asking me if she has started her period , no big deal at all. Although she is a bit young to be starting her period anyway.

I see nothing weird about that at all. If random people are asking you for no reason at all that would be strange, but friends?