To think this woman is a cliquey tw*t

[Kiddiewinks2008]

DS is friends with a group of boys who have known each other since nursery but DS has been mates with them all through school so far.
So we go into another year at primary and one of the mothers still goes on about DS being an imposter into the group, never invites him to anything, purposefully talks about how they have all been doing stuff together all summer in front of DS - she even started showing DS pics of a day trip out on her phone that they had all done.
Its really horrible and the same every year- none of the other kids parents are like this and DS has seen others seperately over the summer.
Aibu to say something? DS never says anything but I can see it hurts his feelings and makes him feel left out.

Confront her in front of all the other parents loudly and tell her she has really hurt your DS feelings.

Yanbu , she sounds just nasty

Make a point of rolling your eyes at her next time she does it and say 'bloody hell are you still banging on about that? It was ages ago and no one else ever mentions it, it's actually really annoying now'. Hopefully she'll feel like the twat that she clearly is.

I want to advise you with nice, calming solutions right now OP...

But I just can't stop "Knock the fucker out" from repeating in my head.

Don't, obviously. Listen to the sensible people.

does your ds go round this womans house?

do they see each other outside of school or only the clquey lot are invited

What a nasty witch! Hope your ds isn't too upset, as others have said it says more about her. Hopefully, when they get to high school she will cross the wrong hormonal adolescent and get twatted in the face!

Tell her her kids have better social skills than she does

It reminds me of my neighbours nephew after he started a private school on scholarship. Another Mum sneered at his and said "well, he's only here because he's bright" like it was a dirty word ie you aren't one of us.

That's what the use of "impostor" reminds me of. Something that suggests he's not their equal....

Clearly tremendously cunty in any circumstances, but what's the missing info....?

Definition of imposter

"a person who practices deception under an assumed identity"

What makes him an 'imposter' OP? It's a very specific word, so she's either using it wrong, or has context for it.

Call her out on it in front of the other parents next time she tries to pull this shit. What a bitch!!! I wouldn't say it upsets your son because she might enjoy that, she sounds like a bully! Just say " how very strange that you keep bringing that up?!" She'll look stupid

Hello. Don't leave her child out, it's not his fault his mother has no empathy. Given she is being so horrible to you and his son, I wonder how caring/loving she is to her own son and family...probably not very so her own son probably suffers himself. Maybe talk to your son about how he shouldn't worry about not being involved in all the holiday activities, but that if he wants you/he could organise an activity with them all one weekend perhaps. Then he would feel part of the 'party'. Has he got any other close friends who aren't part of this 'group'. Encouraging him to meet other friends (and maybe bringing them into the 'group') might help him feel like not the only 'newbie' (or however that horrid lady describes it). Good luck. I am sure you and are son are strong/worldly enough not to take the lady's comments too much to heart. She sounds like a sad woman xxx

• you and your son (sorry about all the typos!) xx

I agree with pp, when she says it again, I would say "Jeez you still banging on about that?! It was ages ago. They're 9 now!!"

How cruel she is. The problem is that if you talk to her about it, she will twist it and tell the other moms that you attacked her for some weird reason that she will make up, probably jealousy or whatever she actually is. That's how people like that operate.

I do think you must stand up to her but do it when at least one of the other moms is around to hear so it doesn't get twisted. Whatever you do, stay calm and concise.

It'd be great to do it in response to her pulling the same stunt again but I bet she's devious enough to not treat your ds or you that way in front of other people.

Say what the above posters suggest, something like you don't appreciate her insinuating to ds that he is not really part of the group because he didn't start nursery with the group. Practice what you're going to say and be ready for her to lie to your face. In that case, tell her she is lying and you and ds know it. Good luck, op. She is horrible!!

What a fucking bitch!!

I can't believe an adult is actually doing this!

I like the "punch her in the tits" suggestion. Do that.

Weird, extraordinary and downright horrible. They've probably forgotten being 3 and 4 by now. Glad the other parents are ok. She's not trying to keep you out of her so exclusive nursery mums' group is she? Is she always the one to organise the boys' group outings your son isn't invited on?
If she's still banging on about them being nursery friends when they are at secondary school she'll seem seriously odd.
Your son shouldn't have to put with this stupid woman goading him.

What an absolute cunt.

I'm sorry but this is the nastiest thing I've read in here in a long while.
I would have it out.

Yes it's nasty and unkind, but why is she doing it? I'd ask her straight out....what is the point you're trying to make here?!

"For the boys it was over half a lifetime ago. Why do you keep bringing it up? It's very cruel to make a child feel like an outsider amongst his friends and if my DS behaved like you are now towards another child I would be ashamed of him." Eye contact throughout. Even tone. Don't look away till ground has swallowed her up.
She sounds like a right fanny.

Anything you say to her about it MUST be in a group of at least 3 of the other mums otherwise she WILL spin it as you being nasty.

Invite them ALL to your house so you are on home territory then when she INEVITABLY says something cunty you can reply with one of thre plies from previous posters.

• Weren't the good old days great when it was just Tarquin and X &Y&Z

You - how very odd that you seem fixated on nursery days from almost a decade ago.

• Well your son is an imposter

(You) - I find it bizzare for an adult to ostracise one child from a group of children who enjoy each other. Is there a problem I am not aware of?

• it's just that we know each other and are more comfortable with each other.

(You) - well time moves forward and things change. More tea anyone?

I don't really understand why you've let this go on so long.

However this is what I'd do:

Take her aside next time I saw her and say (politely with a firm eye and a smile on my face) "it's not appropriate to highlight to a 9 year old boy that he was excluded from an outing with his friendship group. You can, of course invite who you choose but showing him the pictures is cruel. Please don't do it again"

If she uses the word "imposter" say (again politely & with smile)

"That's an odd and inappropriate way to refer to a 9yo. Please don't do it again"

Don't argue with her. Don't call her names. Don't be mean to her child.

Just deal with the behaviour. Every. single. Time.

Usually it's enough to call out the bad behaviour. Just make sure you keep your cool.

I have to agree that I can't believe you haven't said anything for this long. No wonder she hasn't stopped, she probably thinks that if it bothered you you would have said something 5 years ago!

I bet as soon as you say something, anything, she'll stop. I would go for the very direct comments others upthread have suggested myself but if you feel more comfortable prefacing them with a 'sorry...' then do so, as long as you do something! Then if she carries on you can be more direct next time. I know it's awkward to say something but I wouldn't be worried about causing an issue - I wouldn't be surprised if the other mums all think that she is being very inappropriate and would support you. They might be thinking 'God if rude mum was calling my child an imposter and rubbing photos in his face I would go nuts with her, I wonder why kiddiewinks doesn't say anything?'

I feel sorry for your DS, if nobody else is disagreeing with this woman he probably thinks that means everyone agrees with her, and he is an outside, which could affect his own perception of his role within the group.

Shame you can't teach your DS to say 'you realise you are being a complete bullying cunt, don't you?' when she does something like that again

I'd call her on it and say that after so long its no longer funny and rather cruel to boast about what they have been doing to the exclusion of DS to your DS. If that makes sense.

I hate confrontation too op and I dont find it easy to stick up for myself, but there are times when your child is being hurt, emotionally , that you have to stick up for them. Speak to her and tell her you know her game and she'd better stop it now.