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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is a cliquey tw*t

76 replies

Kiddiewinks2008 · 06/09/2016 19:56

DS is friends with a group of boys who have known each other since nursery but DS has been mates with them all through school so far.
So we go into another year at primary and one of the mothers still goes on about DS being an imposter into the group, never invites him to anything, purposefully talks about how they have all been doing stuff together all summer in front of DS - she even started showing DS pics of a day trip out on her phone that they had all done.
Its really horrible and the same every year- none of the other kids parents are like this and DS has seen others seperately over the summer.
Aibu to say something? DS never says anything but I can see it hurts his feelings and makes him feel left out.

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 06/09/2016 20:31

What a nasty woman. Next time she does it just look her dead in the eye and say "He's a child, what's wrong with you?" I wouldn't even bother trying to be light hearted, when she's being so blatantly mean.

Chrisinthemorning · 06/09/2016 20:32

That's crazy. The children themselves won't even remember that your DS wasn't at nursery with them anyway.
DS started school nursery one term in and I don't think any of his peers would even be aware he wasn't there from the beginning. They are little and pretty self centred at that age.
She's a loon and just doing it to make you feel bad. Horrid.

FireSquirrel · 06/09/2016 20:33

Twat is an understatement, she sounds like an utter cunt. What sort of person says those things to/within earshot of a child, even in jest? Foul woman. Next time she does it, call her out on it there and then.

Hereforthebeer · 06/09/2016 20:35

She's not a nice person. Avoid her where you can.
I wouldn't say anything, as people like her are normally very good a twisting conversations and it won't enable you to move forward. Just smile but otherwise avoid her.
Its better to move on and leave her to it.
The children have moved on, she needs to and so should you.

QuiteLikely5 · 06/09/2016 20:36

If she makes a comment like that again, look at her with a puzzled expression and ask 'how do you mean' or 'what do you mean by that'

EmmaMacgill · 06/09/2016 20:42

The poor woman, she's a fucking mess. What will she do in a couple of years when the kids are in high school and she's no longer queen of the playground

DoJo · 06/09/2016 20:44

You could always go on the offensive with something like 'Oh my word - are you one of those people that only has friends from when they were tiny? I knew someone like that once - all her best mates were people who had been forced to be friends with her because their mums were mates, it was so sad.'

pictish · 06/09/2016 20:56

"Why do you always highlight that ds wasn't in the group from nursery? It's something you have mentioned before. Why does it matter?"

Just say it.

Cagliostro · 06/09/2016 20:59

Bloody hell, that goes way beyond cliqueyness!

EverySongbirdSays · 06/09/2016 20:59

There's utterly no excuse for it, but there does seem to be a reason why he doesn't want him in the group, is there anything significantly different about him?

eg is he richer / poorer
cleverer/less clever
different race/religion
Disabled/SEN
ESOL

She may be ignorant or prejudiced/some kind of snob or inverted snob.

I was disabled and looking back some parents were Hmm in ways I didn't process eg. my best friends mum heartily wished she was best friends with another girl, and I only discovered this at a much later date.

Figgygal · 06/09/2016 21:04

So they've been friends for 4/5 years and she's still harping on about nursery days?? How sad!! Yup she's a bitch call her out on it

Joolsy · 06/09/2016 21:07

Silly cow. I wouldn't tell her how it makes your son or you feel, as that's probably the result she wants. I'd just try to embarrass her next time she says it by innocently saying "why do you feel the need to keep saying that?" or a fake yawn

QueenieBob · 06/09/2016 21:07

What a vile woman. Sounds like she wants to be the centre of attention and no one could possibly have fun without her and her precious family. Could this issue be solved through the friendship group itself? I'm not sure confronting this creature is a good idea - might make you feel better but, like a previous poster said, she could twist that to her advantage & you'd be the bad guy. Could your DS say something casual to his friends like "I saw the photos from xxx that you did over the summer, I'd be up for that if you do it again". If the boys want to invite your DS then the fact it comes from them to their parents may count for something. If the woman tries to control who her DS is friends with it's going to backfire on her eventually. Keep your heads high!

Amnesiac · 06/09/2016 21:08

Flowers every that is awful. People can be just horrid.
Say to her what Pictish said. Cool, factual, perplexed. Hold your nerve and say it.
As others have said, she's a bully and will back off when you call her on it.

KERALA1 · 06/09/2016 21:11

Weirdo. Who stays in same friendship group from nursery onwards with absolutely no change?! Is she still only friends with women she met on her first day at nursery? Agree with pp call her on it calmly.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/09/2016 21:11

She sounds unhinged and totally overinvolved in her child's friends. You definitely need to take her down a peg and defend your ds.

BlueFolly · 06/09/2016 21:14

"Why do you always highlight that ds wasn't in the group from nursery? It's something you have mentioned before. Why does it matter?"

This

FrancisCrawford · 06/09/2016 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 06/09/2016 21:16

She sounds like she's threatened that your child fits in more easily than hers - her insecurity not her child's
Very petty
Say something directly , ask her why she feels the need to do this
They're children fgs

skyyequake · 06/09/2016 21:17

Next time she does it just look her dead in the eye and say "He's a child, what's wrong with you?"
This is exactly what I would do - straight to the point, no nonsense... You don't need to say "x is a bit hurtful" anyone can see that, I bet the other mums notice they just don't want to get in the middle of the drama but are looking at each other like Hmm whenever she says anything

OnlyHereForTheCamping · 06/09/2016 21:18

Punch her in the tits?
Hth

Bestthingever · 06/09/2016 21:22

Are you close enough to one of the other parents to discuss this? It may be worth pointing it out as they are also leaving him out of these days out too. We also have a clique of mums who have stuck together since nursery. Dd gets on very well with all their kids but no one else ever gets invited to play dates etc.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 06/09/2016 21:25

I would sit down with her and explain how much it is hurting your child, and ask if you can move past this. Perhaps talk about some lovely day trips you'd like to include her son on.

People like this don't stop to look at what they're doing. Once they have, it can be different.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 06/09/2016 21:25

An adult woman taunting a young boy via social media??? WTF?
Obviously has issues.
Challenge her behaviours by asking what her reasons are for doing this.
She sounds seriously touched,

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 06/09/2016 21:25

Perhaps say, 'I know you're only joking but he doesn't understand'...