To not say anything? Saw DS being "pushed" out the way by nursery teacher

[parlezvousfrancais]

I was 10 minutes early picking up DS (3) from nursery today and saw his group through the window waiting in a line to come inside. DS was at the front standing still i.e. not mucking around etc and the teacher was shouting a little girl's name over and over. Next thing the teacher put her hand on his head and very firmly turned him round (by the head) and pushed him backwards. When I saw it I was like wtf?! as it looked quite rough and unnecessary. However he seemed unperturbed by it so I'm not sure if it was okay for her to do that?

At the time I was shocked and angry but I'm wondering if I was overreacting. Is this okay? I didn't say anything and not sure if I should have or not?? I went to collect him and he was with a different teacher so I didn't see that particular one.

I don't want to come across like an overprotective mother but I'm not sure of the boundaries and if that's acceptable?

It does suggest that he is use to this behaviour from her

Really not sure anyone can call this 'assault' without seeing what happened

Physical contact with children in your care has to be handled very carefully, but isn't illegal. If he was unperturbed, maybe this was because it wasn't 'rough' but a guiding hand? Can't say because I wasn't there.

In primary school I saw my teacher smack a smaller boy on the backside. He seemed unperturbed, maybe he was used to being smacked at home, or maybe it wasn't painful, but this was the 90's and smacking in schools was illegal so it doesn't actually matter what his reaction was. Sometimes children seem fine when bad things happen to them.

She was shouting a girls name over and over and DS was at the front of the line to go in. The girl she was shouting came round to the front then DS was moved out the way by the teacher.

From what I saw it was unnecessary as DS was standing there quietly waiting to go in.

I would put it on writing to the nursery manager tomorrow. Don't have a chat or ring them.

Write a letter saying what you witnessed and that you have concerns that it seemed a very harsh physical movement against your child and you would like it investigated.

You need a paper trail.

That's not acceptable. I would definitely mention it to nursery.

It's impossible to for any of us to judge as we weren't there but the extra detail sounds like maybe the other girl was meant to be at the front of the line not your DS, so although he was standing quietly he may not have been where he was meant to be, or not following instructions. Regardless the actual physical contact is impossible to judge as we weren't there.

That's an idea. I might email them tomorrow then actually.

Spoke to DH and he wants to speak to them when he does next drop off and ask to see the cctv. I said it would be best coming from me since I was the one who saw it. But I think the email might be a good idea considering I'll probably waffle face to face and ends up apologising to them

Agree he could have been in the "wrong" place but I don't think that would warrant such aggressive handling which is how it appeared to me. He has come home a couple of times telling me he's been told to stop talking as he's been talking to friends when he should have been listening so perhaps he wasn't listening to instruction.

Aggressive? That does sound worse. In what way was it aggressive?

The way she turned his head and pushed him. It wasn't gentle, she did it without saying anything - for example giving a reason why she was doing it.

As a cm I don't like the sound of this it seems rough handling at best and why was she calling a child's name over and over? Go look for the child.

I would mention it. Sounds like a bully.

I would follow my instinct. Your first instinct was shock and anger. Thats a mother's instinct and please don't minimise it.

i would looooooose my shit !!!
My god, id be speaking to her boss, id be be going over her head and speaking to the manager of the whole chain. Do it all in writing, they have to take u seriously then and will reply accordingly.
How would she react if u did tht to her child ?!
Arghh id be sooo mad !!

I think that's the problem, I'm second guessing my gut reaction to it which was wtf!!! And now I'm like did I actually see that? Was it really as bad as that??

Sounds awful, OP. I wouldn't let that slide. You and DP join ranks and see the HD.

We're actually moving house soon and there's a school nursery nearer to us where he'll be going to school. We were going to move him in the new year or even next summer intake but might just do it sooner than that!

I know if I had seen someone be physically aggressive towards my child I would KNOW it was aggressive. It sounds like you aren't sure, so I would question how bad it could have been.

It wasn't a shove but it was rougher than I would expect a nursery teacher to treat my son. So I guess that's enough for me.

Sounds as though she moved him firmly then if it wasn't a shove. Would that really be called aggressive? We don't have any idea because we didn't see it.

YANBU, if she's taken him by the hand or even put a hand on his back to guide him that would have been different, but the action you describe is just really nasty and unnecessarily aggressive IMO. The staff at the nursery our youngest two go to are amazing, whether parents are watching or not (I'm often early and like to see our wee ones in their class). I'd be absolutely gutted if I saw someone do that to one of mine, then I'd go absolutely batshit crazy 😡

Put it all in writing so it can't be brushed under the carpet. Ask them to look at their cctv too.

As others have said if he didn't react he may have had it happen before. Have you ever spoken to this worker?

I'm really surprised by the responses to is thread. It really is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to judge this who didn't see it. It doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as people are making out.

You need to judge it for yourself op, perhaps try and get there early a few days to put your mind at rest. The chances are that she's not abusing any children but sometimes moves them- as do most adults who are around children in some way or another sometimes.

If you feel the need to bring it up with the staff then do but I would think its fine and you were there.

It doesn't sound aggressive to me, more impatient and just wanting him to move NOW! Perhaps her impatience was with him or with the other child she was calling but either way it sounds like rough handling that was unnecessary. There are better ways to reposition a child.

I agree it's difficult to judge when no one else saw it.

If it was guiding I would have no problem with that however it seemed, to me, with excessive force and for no reason.