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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only buy a present for one of the birthday girls

40 replies

WeirdButTrue · 06/09/2016 14:50

Some MN wisdom required please as this must be quite a common situation. Dd has been invited to her close friend's bday party. The friend is having a joint do with another girl, who my DD knows but isn't really friends with. Different class at school, don't play together at break and have never had out of school play dates etc. I'm fairly sure if this girl were having a solo party my DD wouldn't be invited for these reasons.

So, my thinking is that I only buy a gift for DDs friend, and maybe a card for the other Bday girl. DH things that's unreasonable and I should get gifts for both girls. So is there any etiquette on this? AIBU?

OP posts:
Mummyshortlegz · 06/09/2016 14:52

Yes I only buy for the child who's birthday we have been invited.

LugsTheDog · 06/09/2016 14:52

Fine to buy for just one. But I'd check what others in the same situation are doing tbh.

Soubriquet · 06/09/2016 14:53

Hmmmm

I would buy a present for the friend and a card for the other girl too.

But you'll probably get people with your dh's PoV arrive shortly

CaptainCrunch · 06/09/2016 14:53

Perfectly reasonable, that's what I always did.

imwornout · 06/09/2016 14:53

Could you maybe buy a small something for the other girl? Even a bag of sweets and a card?

RebootYourEngine · 06/09/2016 14:54

If both girls names are on the invitation i think i would buy both.

So if the invitd says x and y invite you to our party then id buy both.

If the invite says x would like to invite you to a party id buy just that girl.

MrsSparkles · 06/09/2016 14:54

Yup. DD had a joint party with her friend, lots of the same friends - but some different. We didn't get presents or cards from people we didn't really know.

HallowedMimic · 06/09/2016 14:54

We've always only bought gifts for the child who invited ours.

Joint parties are usually a matter of convenience for the parents. There are generally still separate guest lists and friendship groups.

There is no need to buy a gift for the other half of the party unless you know them well and would be on their list too (that normally only happens in the case of cousins/twins etc.).

SoftSheen · 06/09/2016 14:57

I would buy a card and a token present for the second girl.

CaptainCrunch · 06/09/2016 14:58

Put it this way, your DD won't get 2 party bags. It's a convenient arrangement for the hosts, no one expects presents from the other guest list.

drspouse · 06/09/2016 14:59

If X's name is on the invitation but not Y, they will probably have two tables for gifts and nobody will notice if you don't put a gift on Y's table.
However if you put on a card and no gift they may get confused when making notes as to which card/gift are from who given that gift tags come off gifts so easily. And then may ask you what you gave... So maybe best not to give a card either!

wigglesrock · 06/09/2016 15:02

We've only ever bought for the child that our child is in the class with/ the one they know. My kids have been to a few joint parties, it's been for handiness sake for the parents - there's never been an issue with just bringing one gift, friends do the same and if anyone has talked about us - I haven't heard Grin

Original poster
WeirdButTrue · 06/09/2016 15:03

Ah thanks all, glad to know your views. This party thing is a minefield and because I work, which makes me a v rare breed of mum at DDs school, I don't get chance to sort of put out the feelers of what's the done thing

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 06/09/2016 15:06

If the party invite is from both girls then I would buy for both girls.

Goingtobeawesome · 06/09/2016 15:20

Only been to one joint party for three children. Requested we only send one gift if we wanted to send any then at the end the presents were shared out. Perfect.

Careforadrink · 06/09/2016 15:42

If it's a joint party I always buy for both unless the invitation specifies.

Joolsy · 06/09/2016 15:54

I always buy for all the names on the invite but then I've never really had an invite from anyone who my daughter doesn't really know

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 06/09/2016 16:52

I buy for whoever the invitation is from so if Molly invites my dc to her party that happens to be joint with Susan then I buy for Molly. If the invitation is "Please come to our party, love Molly and Susan" then I buy for both.

Gatehouse77 · 06/09/2016 16:57

I would definitely send a card and probably a token gift of the generic kind.

lemony7 · 06/09/2016 17:05

I had a joint party for my 4yo DD and another girl from nursery. We had loads of people that the other child didn't know, and didn't get gifts from them. We really didn't care tbh. Just glad that they all had a nice time.

Hockeydude · 06/09/2016 17:07

I would get a sticker book kind of gift for the girl you don't know that well and get what you would usually have got for the other.

HereIAm20 · 06/09/2016 17:25

I always buy the present I would normally buy for the friend and a token present for the other child/children (there are sometimes triple parties).

Its quite easy to pick up a cheapish but nice fluffy pen or notebook or girls very cheaply in places like Wilko or the Poundshop.

NellysKnickers · 06/09/2016 17:26

I would get both a gift and have done but we can usually know both party givers. Ds1 was invited to a joint birthday party once, the little darlings actually came up to me in the playground to let me know that ds1 HAD to take them BOTH a gift, parents looking on adoringly...........that was a fun moment Grin

Frusso · 06/09/2016 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HereIAm20 · 06/09/2016 17:26

*for girls rather than or girls which would change the meaning of the sentence completely!!