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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Head up her arse

60 replies

mikeyssister · 05/09/2016 23:34

I actually told my DD this evening that her head is so far up her fucking arse she thinks she can see sunshine.

I can't believe how annoyed she made me.

OP posts:

paddlingpool · 06/09/2016 00:24

If DH needed help was she irritated that DS was joining in on the request? I know a lot of people who don't like to be told what to do. A second request from a brother could feel like people pecking at you. Just a thought

SabineUndine · 06/09/2016 00:29

Does her brother try bossing her? My younger brother tried this with me and it boiled my piss.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 00:35

No, she was leaving the house and DS asked her was everything alright, he didn't know where she was going, all he knew was DH had rung her and she was walking out.

He can be bossy, but not necessarily to her, and she usually ignores him if he tells her to do something.

She freely admits she's mean and nasty to him, and admits he doesn't deserve it, but in her mind she can justify it somehow.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/09/2016 00:47

Head so far up her arse she can see sunshine does make sense to me - but is a physical impossibility (but it all is anyway) - the suggestion is that she's got it so far up that she can see out the top again.

Teen siblings are, from memory (mine and my sibs) awful to each other quite regularly. If there's nothing going on that's a real problem, then I think you just need to ride it out - trying to fix it is more likely to create resentment and a rift.

But in the meantime your DD needs to understand that she has family "responsibilities" as well, and behaving like a spoilt princess isn't going to get her anywhere.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 01:05

That's it exactly, she does have family responsibilities Thumb, I don't expect them to be friends, although that would be nice, but I do expect civility.

OP posts:

TheStoic · 06/09/2016 01:52

Does her treatment of him come from nowhere? Or has he treated her badly in the past and she's had enough?

I ask because my ex has been complaining about our daughter's treatment of her brother. I think it's because he picks on her, with the result being that she just doesn't like him very much any more and doesn't bother hiding it.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 06:44

Not that I can see or she's ever complained about.

OP posts:

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 06/09/2016 07:03

Seems like the sort of thing they could sort out themselves without nasty comments from you. You're not going to help her get along with him by being disproportionately mad with her for being a normal teenager.

Your DS is 18. I'm sure he's old enough to handle a strop from his little sister. If not, he really should be.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 07:08

He's on the spectrum and has no idea how to deal with her.

OP posts:

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 06/09/2016 07:11

Well that's quite the drip feed...

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 07:37

Sorry, I also posted in teenagers looking for suggestions. In that one I said he had ASD, I didn't realise I hadn't mentioned it here before.

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 06/09/2016 07:47

Well, he isn't her keeper - why does she have to tell him where she is going?

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 07:52

Because I was out but due home and DH was out and she wouldn't be allowed go out at that time of night without someone knowing where. Plus DH had rung her so he guessed something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell him what.

OP posts:

MoreCoffeeNow · 06/09/2016 07:52

This sounds very similar to what happened to friends of ours. What "family responsibilities" does DD have? What help did your DH want when he phoned? Did it involve looking after her DB?

Our friends' daughter was expected to care for her autistic DB long after the time when most DCs are ok to be left home alone. She was a talented singer and athlete but could not take part in after school activities because she was expected to go straight home to look after her brother until her parents got home.

It came to a head when she went to sixth form college and wanted to audition for a musical. Her parents said after college rehearsals were out of the question because she needed to look after her DB. There was a huge row and she ran off. The police found her and brought her home. She said she was going on strike and would not cook for and look after her DB any more because it wasn't her job, she wasn't his mother.

Friend asked me to "talk her round" but I wouldn't even try. Because I agreed with her. Her life was being blighted by her being expected to parent her brother. There were so many things she couldn't do and it wasn't fair. She was missing out on being a teenager because she was expected to look after DB. So many places they couldn't go because of his condition. She was even expected to look after him at weekends while parents did the shopping or went out.

This may not be what is happening here but it sounds to me as though it may be. And it isn't fair. That could be why she is being nasty to him. She resents the way her life has to revolve around him and his needs.

Apologies if I'm wrong.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 07:54

It was about 9, so after dark, and we don't live close to her friends.

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 06/09/2016 07:58

The one thing I would think you couldn't see from sticking your head up your arse is sunshine!

Anyway, didn't she or DH have phones on them? Couldn't you have rung?

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 08:00

He doesn't need her to look after him Coffee as he really only lacks social skills and social awareness - more like Sheldon in Big Bang Theory.

DD is actively encouraged to take part in organised activities, as we don't live near her friends.

Her big problem is she gets embarrassed by him when he messes up a social situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 08:02

Neither of them were answering their phones when I rang because they were doing something.

DD didn't have to go, DH rang to get one of them to go to help him, but DD said nothing to DS so he had no idea what was happening.

OP posts:

MoreCoffeeNow · 06/09/2016 08:21

That's good to hear, Mikey. Looks like she's just being 16.

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 08:25

Probably, but she's been like this with him for as long as I can remember, and apart from this she's really a lovely girl.

It's especially galling because she has a friend who's brother is autistic and she's lovely to him.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 06/09/2016 08:28

Sounds the usual sibling winding each other up but i get how frustrating it is if you have had her at him all summer it takes only 1 thing to tip us over the edge constant bickering and sniping must be driving you nuts

Memoires · 06/09/2016 08:36

Are you sure she has no asd herself? She sounds like she lacks theory of mind If you were to tell her that, would it make her sit up?

Original poster

mikeyssister · 06/09/2016 10:41

Definitely not asd, she says he annoys her and she doesn't like him.

I say you don't have to like him but you do have go be civil to him.

She's cute though, when she wants something from him she's as nice as pie.

OP posts:

Omgkitties · 06/09/2016 10:52

You've already written a thread about this haven't you?

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 06/09/2016 10:55

It sounds like he pisses her off tbh. I wouldn't like to be bossed about either by my older brother.

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