Retired and depressed

[seaurchin2016]

I have been forced into early retirement at 57 years of age. I was a teacher but when my school became an academy I was forced out due to age. I can't prove it but its strange that everyone over the age of 50 have been "pushed" out. It's a long story which I don't want to go into.
My problem is I miss the classroom but I can't go back as I was dismissed without a reference due to "ill health". I'm sort of okay now.
My problem is that my pension doesn't go very far and I'm struggling money-wise. I'm also bored and don't feel part of society - on the scrap heap and no longer valued.
Family don't bother even though I've tried. Neighbours are awful and I have no friends. So, I have whole days where I don't see a soul.
I feel very low as if I'm useless and just waiting to die.
Recently I've had a scare health wise. I'm waiting for the results of a biopsy. A relative has died and I've lost two beloved pets.
Things are just getting worse. I use to be considered a fantastic teacher until someone told lies about me to get my job from me. The lady who did this still has my job. I loved the job but the headmaster didn't believe me. The lady had the gift of the gab and I'm quiet and rather naïve.
I feel really stitched up not just once but several times in teaching but I love the classroom. It has broken my heart to be dismissed. I don't like private tuition. my love is in being in a large classroom full of kids.
My husband doesn't understand. He goes to work and then comes home moaning about his job and then falls asleep for the entire night. At the weekends he mainly sleeps.
This is my life in retirement. On my own all day, husband asleep all night, no family to visit, no friends, no good neighbours, no money, cancer scare and just marking time until I die.
I'm waiting for counselling but having had it before it doesn't do me a lot of good. I'm on maximum dosage of anti depressants. I take 10 tablets a day for various ailments which I've really fed up of.
Has anyone got any magic answers because I really need a miracle.

Your post has made me think of a couple of friends who were also strong armed into early retirement and who, several years on, are still simmering. I'm also looking over my shoulder and wondering if it'll be my turn next.

Be assured that your former employers won't give a shit how you are feeling so the only person suffering here is you. We're all different so I don't know whether the solution for you would be counselling, better medication or jumping back in and getting busy again (and there are some great suggestions on here). But I do feel that finding a way of coming to terms with the way you've been treated is key.

Don't let those bastards spoil your retirement - remember the best revenge is a happy life.

Have you thought about doing a TEFL/TESOL qualification? You can travel, you can volunteer - meet all sorts of fantastic people. You can teach from home, in private language schools, etc. Definitely not too long in the tooth for that!

I've just read your op and my post again and I think I may have underestimated just how depressed you're feeling. I'm very glad you're sounding a bit more upbeat in your follow up post but if you're still getting feelings about marking time until you die then please go back to your GP.

I have no one I can call upon for references. People who worked in my dept who were also pushed out left and I don't know where they live. I've tried so called "friends" that still work at the school but they have just ignored my emails etc. Not a nice situation all round I'm afraid.

I was refused a reference from my last school too. My headteacher from the school before that provided one. Can you get any advice from your union still?

Sorry to hear that, sooty

I was going to ask if a generic 'worked here' reference would be given

Glad you are going to follow some of the suggestions.
If you want to be involved in a school again it may well be possible. Were\are you in a teachers' union? They would advise about your reference. You could consider supply teaching, competent ones are always needed!
Would you consider volunteering in a school or working as a learning assistant or mentor? It's a shame not to use your skills and experience when you would still enjoy being in a school.
All the best with your steps into a brighter future!🍀

Probably not if it's an academy trust daisy (thanks btw)

My headteacher wouldn't even give me a generic reference and the union couldn't make him budge. All other staff were instructed not to respond to me. I did hear his exact words were "over my dead body. She gets no reference from here. She's a troublemaker"

It all worked out well in the end and I hope it does for the OP too.

Sorry for Xpost, I understand about finding references being difficult.

"Troublemaker" might have been a good reference for my school!

I still am one but after over 12 years my current company don't seem to have a problem

Would it not be possible to ask for references from any previous school you've worked at - not just the final one? (As you must, presumably, have needed references for this last post.)

I know it all seems impossible when one feels out of sync with the rest of the world.

When you're ready it can be extremely helpful to actually go and talk to people face to face about anything that seems even a vague possibility - don't allow yourself to be put off by apparent hurdles in their written material.

Just from reading this thread it's clear that employers and other institutions must be becoming increasingly familiar with people in exactly your position. And therefore, one hopes, rather more flexible in their requirements.

It's awful that a HT can refuse to give a reference. Sorry op I know this doesn't help you. Some supply agencies are very fussy and want years worth of references which might be difficult if someone's moved about a lot.

OP, I'm sorry to hear of how you're feeling. You've been treated appallingly by the school. If you still have residual feelings (upset, anger) over that (wouldn't be surprising) then counselling would really help you get those feelings out and begin to adjust to your new life.

Regarding your 'new life', it's not unreasonable to feel daunted by your situation - you didn't expect this to happen and haven't been able to plan for it. Try to be kind to yourself and understand that time to adjust is needed.

You are mourning the loss of your role in the school which made you feel so valued. That is a big loss, but it doesn't mean that there aren't other ways that you can find that sense of purpose and value again. You will have LOADS of expertise and transferrable skills which can help you get involved in a wide variety of things should you choose to.

I work alongside an organisation that matches volunteers to volunteering opportunities and I have been impressed by the huge variety of volunteering roles that are out there. Many charities or small organisations are crying out for the kind of skills you'll have. For example, there is someone locally who is an ex-teacher and now volunteers at her local Women's centre teaching English as a second language to a group of asylum seekers and also helps in various other roles in the women's centre. Contact your local volunteering organisation to find out what there is in your area.

You don't have to rush with all this. Small steps, taking care of yourself along the way. Do make a plan to gently move forwards now though, even if that is just one activity each day - go for a walk, go to the library, join an evening class or the gym. Eat well. Get fresh air. Finding some structure will help with the depression. Best wishes.

This is horrible. I was unceremoniously dumped by an education establishment some time ago and the bitterness and resentment wore on for ages years.

You sound as if you're still in shock. Take it easy. Try to deal with the resentment and reclaim yourself before moving on.

You're not on the scrap heap. I'm 57 too and struggling to get a job after being a sahm. It's horrible to think that you're worthless at a relatively young age. But you have fantastic skills to share. Please speak to your union or acas about the lack of reference. That's awful. I actually thought it was illegal to withhold a reference? .

Good luck anyway.

It's not illegal to withhold a reference, no. It's illegal to give one which is incorrect /defamatory.

So sorry you are going through this. My mum retired a few years ago and became very depressed. Therapy and volunteering helps her lots, she has also made a few good friends this way and they now go out for tea and cake frequently.

I also second getting a dog, they are amazing companions. I have a rescue greyhound and the charity I got him from organise lots of group walks which are fun and friendly.

How about a return to teach course? Or volunteer at another school, get a reference from them.

ilove I'm no expert, but I thought that if the employee is in certain area of work, then it can be illegal (breach of contract)? to withhold a reference.

Anyhow, the op needs to check things through with her Union.

I was without work for a good while after ill health dismissal and unless you've been there you can't really comprehend the loss of identity and searing sense of injustice.
It cost me my marriage too though to be fair there were other factors.

I didn't think I'd ever work again but when my marriage ended I had to. I found that it was really hard to get any kind of job and I sort of fell into my job through applying to volunteer. It's been the best thing that ever happened to me and ultimately my conniving vindictive headteacher did me a favour.

I love my job and wouldn't give it up for teaching for 4x the money.

I do hope things work out for you OP - it is not only the grief aspect but if you're the main earner it must be a worrying time.

Your "script" could be you were quite ill, looked like it was serious, cancer and at the time it looked like that was it, but surprisingly and fortunately, you find yourself better, and wanting to work again.

Behave like you've been a sahm and looking to get back.

sooty -

How about volunteering to hear children read at primary?

It may just be good as a stop gap to increase your confidence and get you out of the house.

I really feel for you Op, I am nearly mid-fifties and although I wont retire till at least 60 (not teaching but a profession) I am already realising I will need to be proactive to build up a social life when the time arrives. Whilst not clinically depressed, I am very low at present after losing my mum, my DS about to go uni, DD having some educational issues. I am struggling at times, and can see that if I was retired, I would find it even harder.

My DH may retire with me, but he loves work much more than I do. So likely to work longer. DC will be early 20s when I am 60, so likely to be independant but unlikely to yet have DC of their own.

Having lost my mum 6 months ago and never having been close to DB (and had lots of nastiness from him) my only contact with him going forward will be an occasional text, if that! I have 2 female cousins I am in contact with but they live 70miles away and already in their 60s with grandchildren.

As for friends, I can appreciate why you havent got any - all the local friends I have built up over years have been other mums, but as DC now older, we have drifted apart. Even the one I have known the longest, was quite close to, we both have dogs, has contacted me only once since my mum died. I know she walks her dog with another of the mums, if I ask I will be invited but it is always me asking!! Plus they all much younger than me, so wont retire at same time.

I have another friend I met through a forum, she is late fifties and retired, we get on well, but she spends a lot of time away either visiting DC in London or keeping her DH company with work. We are trying to sort a first meet-up after summer, earliest she can do is October!! Most local acquaintances have built up a friendship group via kids sport activities or through ladies circle etc. Latter not my cup of tea, plus am exhausted mid-week with long commute, former hasn't been applicable to us.

Similarly with work - I work 35 miles away in a male dominated environment - I do have some female friends and we occasionally meet outside work, but they live miles away in opposite direction and are younger with young children too.

There are some great ideas on here, some of which I will take away. I would also suggest a dog, I have always enjoyed walking and happy to go alone, but having the dog makes me go more when I am not at work. I would love to join a walking club but not possible at present, as cant do weds or sunday walks. But that is likely to be one of our first priorities when DD more independent and doesn't need us at weekends.

I also second some volunteering or studying, plus U3A. Our neighbour is in latter and is always out and about, on trips, holidays etc, I will certainly join when retired! I did OU years ago for work and am now contemplating a general course just for interest now DC growing up.

Hope you can build up some interests, as one pp said, try doing it slowly, one at a time, and in no time at all you will hopefully have a busy life. Whilst losing your job in the way you did sounds awful, you still have a life and are young enough to live it. The DH of my uni friend died last year at just 51, which really made us stop and think about our own lives.

I now teach at an adult education centre and I love it. I miss the teenagers, but my classes are full of motivated, well-behaved students who even thank me at the end the lesson! And they are entirely responsible for their own progress...bliss! I leave feeling stimulated and excited about planning the next lesson, not bogged down in marking, exam prep and evidence collecting. I would wholly recommend it.