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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours kid screaming

60 replies

Evilstepmum01 · 03/09/2016 23:44

wwyd? next doors DS(6) is in his bedroom screaming and crying at his mum and her boyf to leave him alone, fuck off, get out......etc.
Background-this boy has some problems...ADHD, ASD, sensory disorder (not clearly diagnosed) and the main problem-his mum. SS are involved but she refuses to follow advice/accept help. She has no bond with him. Nothing. Its sad to see. He's chucked into the garden or out at the park, just out of the house so she doesnt have to deal with him.
This lad has hit/kicked/punched/bitten/stoned/spat on/exposed himself to/sworn/screamed and abused nearly all the local kids (not mine, ours dont go out unattended). He's caused all manner of problems, been the subject of complaints to housing association and police.
For the last half hour/ 40 mins, he has been screaming and crying go away, get out, fuck off loud enough for me to hear on the other side of the house. And loud enough for all the neighbours in a half mile to hear.
Horrible to hear, despite his antisocial issues, hes still just a wee boy. One I keep my kids away from, but still.

Wwyd? Another complaint to SS? Does any of this help him? Poor lost soul.

OP posts:
DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:18

I wouldn't assume abuse, sounds more like wilful and defiant. I don't know what either SS or the police would/could do if he's kicking off over being put to bed or whatever?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:18

I wouldn't assume abuse, sounds more like wilful and defiant. I don't know what either SS or the police would/could do if he's kicking off over being put to bed or whatever?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:18

I wouldn't assume abuse, sounds more like wilful and defiant. I don't know what either SS or the police would/could do if he's kicking off over being put to bed or whatever?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:18

I wouldn't assume abuse, sounds more like wilful and defiant. I don't know what either SS or the police would/could do if he's kicking off over being put to bed or whatever?

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:24

As an aside (and I know this has little to do with the problems described)

How do you know he's 'chucked out into the garden', as opposed to being a child who just really loves being outside in the garden?

That's a genuine question btw, I'm not doubting or picking on what you're saying, but does the child cry/scream to go back indoors and isn't allowed?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:25

Why four times, why, WHY ARGHHH?

yorkshapudding · 04/09/2016 00:26

I agree with Wora, SS won't be able to action anything on a Saturday night. There will be an Emergency Duty Worker on call but this doesn't qualify as an emergency by SS standards. I have a lot of dealings with SS in a professional capacity and the current thresholds are very high.

Personally, I would ring 101 and explain that this child has been screaming for over 40 minutes and as you are aware of current SS involvement you are concerned for his welfare. They can send someone round to check on the family and alert SS if need be.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:29

He's gone quiet now, lights are off. I didnt realise how long he'd been going on for, DH came through and said.
I think his mum is struggling, tho her older boy is a bit of a shit, he doesnt have the younger ones problems. But then she doesnt help herself or him by not taking their help. She told me that herself.
I think a call to SS might be the right thing to do. I just know the neighbours around here will be complaining to housing assoc and probably called police.
I did hear his mum and bloke shouting too, it cant be easy but heart breaking to hear him getting so upset.

OP posts:
MotherOfROC · 04/09/2016 00:30

What worral said he may like to be outside and not feel so closed in. DS hates to be indoors and will go outside in all weathers as that is where he is happy. On another note it can be a nightmare trying to get them to bed especially when that have been on school holidays and you try to get back into the more rigid routine

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:31

Good advice yorksha

Given the background, I'm not sure I could have sat and listened to him for 40 minutes.

Not a slight on the OP or anything, but if there's any chance of abuse (and again we don't know there is or there isn't), then that child needs someone to pick up the phone at least.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:31

Worra. i know because I've seen her open the door and give him food and shut it again. I think shes trying to get him out and away from xbox.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:34

X posted.

You don't know the neighbours have called the police.

And being quiet after 40 minutes of screaming and crying "go away, get out, fuck off", isn't necessarily a comfort is it?

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:34

motherofroc-we're in scotland, been back to school for 3 weeks. he's at school 2 or 3 days a week.
Personally, I dont know if its abuse or not. I dont think so, I hope not.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:35

So all you know is he's in the garden and she's brought him out a snack?

Or have you seen/heard him trying to open the door and being refused entry?

converseandjeans · 04/09/2016 00:36

It's really late at night for him to be awake and stressed out. Poor boy. Doesn't stand a chance. He probably only ever gets shouted at. Bet he hasn't had a nice summer. It's a good idea to record him shouting so SS can hear how distressed he is.

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:38

Personally, I dont know if its abuse or not. I dont think so, I hope not.

But you were worried enough to start a thread on Mumsnet about his cries/screams through the wall.

Of course you don't know if it's abuse. That would be for the police to decide, along with SS, if only an adult would phone them.

Genuine question. What did you want from this thread? Because whatever it was, it's not helping that little boy right now, is it?

Ditsyprint40 · 04/09/2016 00:40

You could (in future) phone 101 and report. Particularly if parents are shouting too. They'll likely attend as its a domestic disturbance. They'd also pass info to SS.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:42

No, what ive seen is him go to go in the door, be passed food and door closed. More than once.

OP posts:
DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/09/2016 00:43

He probably only ever gets shouted at.

Where are you getting that from?

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:44

Advice Worra. Not to feel bad about asking for it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:45

So she's passing him a snack/lunch then?

Anyway, no point in getting hung up about that. There are obviously lots of problems going on.

So what have you done to help him/them tonight, after hearing 40 minutes of screaming, crying and swearing from a little boy?

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/09/2016 00:47

Worra, absolutely nothing it would appear. Thanks.

OP posts:
george1020 · 04/09/2016 00:48

You really should call the police the next time. It's really not for you to just hope it isn't abuse it's really important the police make that decision themselves.

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 00:48

X posted.

Ok well if you hear a 6yr old child screaming, crying and swearing for 40 minutes and you already believe he's being hugely neglected and you know for a fact SS are involved, my advice (along with a few others upthread) is to obviously call 101 tonight and get him the help he might need tonight.

Natsku · 04/09/2016 00:56

I doubt anyone will do anything tonight if you call 101 so I would call the emergency social worker tomorrow and/or 101 and explain all your concerns about him. Poor lad. Maybe the mum is depressed, maybe she's not, but clearly they all need more help than they are getting right now. I know how it feels to lose control when your child is raging at you, I've shouted at DD in horrible anger but never for 40 minutes, that's way beyond a temporary loss of control.