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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - to think that dh missing his appointment is not my fault?!

54 replies

makingacupoftea · 03/09/2016 23:11

My dh had an appointment for an mri I wrote it on the calendar and reminded him the day before . He forgot to leave work and missed it. He has been blaming me because I didn't call to remind him. I just don't see how this is my fault - I was busy and I assumed he would leave!

Aibu am I ?

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 03/09/2016 23:12

You know you're not. Why post?

mummydarkling · 03/09/2016 23:12

No you are not BU. Tell him to get an alert on his phone or his outlook account at work.

tofutti · 03/09/2016 23:13

YANBU. You are not his mother. Do you usually organise his appointments for him? I would stop remidning him of any appointments.

LagunaBubbles · 03/09/2016 23:14

You're his wife, not his Mum and he's not a child. A grown adult should be capable of managing their own appointments.

Original poster
makingacupoftea · 03/09/2016 23:14

Thanks I posted because I really don't know anymore whether I am unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
pictish · 03/09/2016 23:15

No you are bloody not being unreasonable.
What a self indulgent baby he is. Get a grip man.

LagunaBubbles · 03/09/2016 23:16

Is there other issues then by the sounds of it?

midcenturymodern · 03/09/2016 23:17

Was it on his brain? (only a little bit joking - if he is under investigation for a memory or processing problem then I see his point. If it's a broken wrist then not so much)

JacquettaWoodville · 03/09/2016 23:17

What Laguna said.

He is being very unreasonable and it's worrying you can't see this.

Does he blame you for other thing?

kurlique · 03/09/2016 23:20

Why? Why are men incapable of managing their own diaries?? Drives me potty that I constantly have to remind DH of forthcoming events though generally he remembers things are just about him (however he did forget an opticians appt the other week) - and why does he look blankly at me when I mention things that are imminent and I have already mentioned to him at least twice? He also loses the ability to read road signs when I am in the car😤 YANBU... He needs to get a grip! (And use his phone to remind him!)

Original poster
makingacupoftea · 03/09/2016 23:21

Mid no it's on his hip Grinhis brain is fully functional !

I don't think he blames me for a lot but he just likes things his own way and so he has decided this is my fault I think. He is refusing to rebook it for some reason even though he is in pain and keeps reminding me of the fact Confused

OP posts:
sandgrown · 03/09/2016 23:25

I have one of those Kirl. So annoying !

SanityClause · 03/09/2016 23:26

I find shrugging and saying "suit yourself" works on this kind of guilt tripping.

JacquettaWoodville · 03/09/2016 23:26

"Husband

It's up to you if you don't want to rebook. Since this is your choice, I do not wish to hear any more about the pain you are in, as you have chosen not to try and fix this. If and when you do rebook, I will not write it on the calendar or remind you, so it is clear to you that full responsibility for booking and attending lies with you. This seems like a far better system than the one where you blame me for your own actions."

gleam · 03/09/2016 23:27

YANBU, of course.

Do you think he's frightened of what it might reveal? I wondered this when I went for an MRI - 3 out of 4 patients weren't turning up, according to the nurse.

StopMakingMeLogOn · 03/09/2016 23:28

Let the stupid bugger be in pain then. He is cutting off his nose to spite his face. As said already, you are not his mother and he is not a child!

Not sure if you are interested but there is a thread over on the feminism board about why women still feel guilt and responsibility for stuff like this, which is clearly not our fault but we are conditioned to take the blame for.

My advice is to tell him to get a grip and that you don't wish to hear another word about this, seeing as he won't do anything about it and would prefer to play the kartyr.

StopMakingMeLogOn · 03/09/2016 23:28

Martyr, even Grin

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/09/2016 23:29

Bizarre. Is he normally like this? If not please get him to a doctor, his behaviour is NOT normal.

If he's usually like this then why are you still with him? Confused

pictish · 03/09/2016 23:32

Awww does he just like things his own way? Bless him and his taking his shit out on you. What can you do eh?

Lollyp333 · 03/09/2016 23:33

He's an idiot. He's not a kid and need to takes responsibility for his own life!

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2016 23:34

Unless it's Private, we're all paying for him not to be able to organise himself.

People are waiting for MRI's for life threatening conditions, him throwing the appointment away is something he should feel ashamed about.

Planty18 · 03/09/2016 23:34

Yanbu. He is an adult and it is his responsibility so yes, as a pp said, I would stop enabling the behaviour by writing his stuff on the calendar and reminding him.
I once read an article on the default parent. I made my husband read it as I totally identified with it - I am the default parent. He totally agreed that I was. You sound like the default parent, even if you don't have kids. If you google it I'm sure you'll identify with it too.
I would maybe have reminded my husband about it as you did purely by way of wishing him luck with it (and because he really hasn't got a good memory, but he readily admits that so uses his phone to set alerts etc). Also, if he missed something he would tell me and be annoyed at himself and embarrassed and calling the place to apologise, certainly not giving me a hard time.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 03/09/2016 23:35

Why did you write it on the calendar and remind him, like it was your responsibility? Weird. Are you his mum?

SharonfromEON · 03/09/2016 23:36

What JacquettaWoodville said?

SharonfromEON · 03/09/2016 23:37

not sure why I have a question mark at the end..I completely agree with her

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