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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flatmate walks around in her knickers..

74 replies

desperate16 · 03/09/2016 18:38

AIBU to feel uncomfortable? I share a flat with two people, both students. They're in a relationship. They share a room and have turned the second bedroom into their private living room. I have a larger room (what should be the living room). The three of us share a kitchen and bathroom.

I am feeling more and more that they don't want me around. They have made it plainly obvious they are having sex - lubricant left lying around the flat, sex in the bath a couple of times so I can't use the loo until they're done.

They've bought lots of new stuff for the kitchen - they now have 4 cupboards to share (I have 2) and have set the table for themselves with placemats etc. I feel extremely uncomfortable sitting with them so sit in my room, eat on my bed or sofa.

The thing that's annoyed me today is that female flatmate has started walking around in her knickers and a t shirt. Walked into kitchen to get a drink and they were sitting having breakfast - she just had her knickers and a top on, he had on jeans/shirt. I don't know why it made me uncomfortable, I felt that I was intruding on their space and so went back to my room until I heard them leave. Not the first time, I've seen her do this mid afternoon, evening as well etc.

There's a language barrier as they are both Italian as is the landlord, but I can cope with that - I'm very quiet anyway and they don't seem interested in making much conversation.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford to rent by myself , and haven't got anyone else I could share with . I'm hoping to move to new city next spring to start a second degree, make a new life for myself but that's at least 9 months away still.

I don't feel comfortable asking her about it, I think she'd be embarrassed or maybe annoyed that I feel this way. I don't even know her partner's name, I introduced myself and tried to make conversation but he appears not to want to.

Perhaps I am just being a bit prudish (British?!) .. I should just put up shouldn't I?

OP posts:
QueenLizIII · 03/09/2016 19:17

I'd just leave if you can. Let the lovebirds cover your rent.

kaitlinktm · 03/09/2016 19:18

I understood that the OP had the living room as her room and that the couple had had two bedrooms but had made one of them into their own private living room - is that right?

Taking over the kitchen is a bit much though - I think you should get in there early a couple of times and be sitting at the table with your own place mat etc - nod and smile and greet them as they come in - look at home and settled in. I suppose their four cupboard is fair if you have two - that's two cupboards each (unless they are different sizes).

You need to have a quiet word about taking too long in the bathroom - say it isn't fair if you have to wait x amount of time for the loo and could they give you a bit of warning next time - or not spend so long in there.

serin · 03/09/2016 19:20

Have you signed a year long contract?

LieutenantUhurusGreenEarrings · 03/09/2016 19:34

Agree that sharing with a couple is no fun. I went to see a flat share once- looked like it was with 3 single people. Once I moved in it was obvious not only that it was a couple and a single, but that they had gone out of their way to hide the fact they were a couple, probably because it had put other people off.

Anyway. The stuff about the areas that are shared e.g. Bathroom and kitchen is definitely not on. Speak to them about it if you feel you can. If you feel you can't, then move.

LouisTherouxsGlasses · 03/09/2016 19:36

My flatmate's girlfriend used to wander about in t-shirt and knickers the odd time. Part of living abroad really. Never bothered me much.

Sex in the bath though? Bleurghhhh. That's totally out of order. OP you should hog the bathroom some night, give them a taste of their own medicine.

Some people are just inconsiderate bastards basically.

Damselindestress · 03/09/2016 19:39

The female flatmate wearing knickers and a t-shirt wouldn't bother me as much as the fact that they are rude and ignore you to the extent that you don't even know your male flatmate's name! A language barrier is one thing but they could still point to themselves and say their name! It's obvious they don't want you there. Leave them to it and look for alternative accommodation. There are websites where you can find flat shares. You are already sharing with strangers so strangers who actually want to share with you and speak to you would be an improvement.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/09/2016 19:49

I'd leave if you can, she is being rude.

I had this with a flatmate once, she'd invite her boyfriend over all the time and it seemed like she wanted him to semi move in but semi not, I shared a house afterwards with a couple, never again, they had other flat mates but definitely us again them but they owned the house, I then rented alone until I bought a flat!

CoolCarrie · 03/09/2016 19:50

If you are in a position where you can't move out, do as they do, use the kitchen, play your music loudly, do your thing! Don't let them get to you.
If you want to move out, get in touch with landlord tell him what is going on, make sure you get any deposit back etc, and look for somewhere else, there us bound to be other rooms outthere with decent people to share with.

jmh740 · 03/09/2016 19:55

Invite some friends round for a meal and hog the table a bit, if they're at it in the bath keep knocking on the door saying you need the toilet that should put them off

Omgkitties · 03/09/2016 19:59

they now have 4 cupboards to share (I have 2)

So 3 people, 2 cupboard each. That's fair. I know it wasn't the point of the post but...

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/09/2016 20:04

Sharing with a couple is never a comfortable situation. I would look for another, more sociable, flat if I were you, OP.

Lorelei76 · 03/09/2016 20:05

I'd move if you can. Lots of nice people rent a spare room out for money, there's got to be a better option than this, unless you're okay feeling pushed out of the kitchen.
And shared bathroom rule - do the necessary and get out!

whataboutbob · 03/09/2016 20:20

Sounds like they are just rude, it's probably not a language/ cultural thing. Being excluded is unpleasant in any culture. I agree moving out as soon as you can is probably the best option.
Might not be your cup of tea but there's a scheme where younger people are matched up with an elderly homeowner who has lots of space, in exchange for some light duties (not caring duties- shopping, some housework) they get cheap rent. It's called Care and Share I think.Might be worth looking into.

janethegirl2 · 03/09/2016 20:28

Three people in a house share, each get a third of cupboard space, 6 cupboards is 2 each so the couple get 4 and OP gets 2. Not rocket science! And wearing t shirt and pants is way more than I'd wear. Get over it or move out.

allsfairinlove · 03/09/2016 20:30

wearing t shirt and pants is way more than I'd wear.

Really?!! Shock

janethegirl2 · 03/09/2016 20:48

Yes, really!

allsfairinlove · 03/09/2016 20:53

Are you from the States jane?

Because in the UK pants are knickers which would mean to wear less would mean you'd be going commando... Shock

stubbornstains · 03/09/2016 20:53

They couldn't have marked their territory more effectively if they'd pissed in all the corners, could they?! They are totally vibing you out.

I really feel for you OP- not only in sharing with a couple, but I had horrible experiences sharing living spaces in Italy when I was young and unassertive, as did a couple of other young, naice, wimpy Anglo girls of my acquaintance. Nowadays, I would just stomp in and own the space, and that would be totally respected, and everything would be fine.

I think you're either going to have to be MUCH more assertive- it is your home. Do precisely what you want. Chuck the lube in the bin if you find it lying around, sit in the middle of the table, bang on the door if they're hogging the bathroom - or move out. There may be shouting. It will blow over Wink.

janethegirl2 · 03/09/2016 20:55

Knickers only but tshirt when required. But it's only bodies! I'm very happy in a bikini or less on a public beach, so why do I need to wear more in my own house?

allsfairinlove · 03/09/2016 20:55

...you'd be going commando and flashing your foof Shock

5BlueHydrangea · 03/09/2016 20:57

Have you got net curtains Jane??

allsfairinlove · 03/09/2016 20:58

X post. Phew!

I think I'm with the OP on this one though. So much flesh on display while I'm trying to eat my crunchies would be a bit much for me too.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 20:58

Knickers only but tshirt when required.

But you said pants and t shirt was way more than you'd wear.

This is a shared house.

Would you go naked in front of your flatmates?

janethegirl2 · 03/09/2016 21:04

No net curtains, I never said I'd go naked, but I can't see why clothes are necessary. Clothes I'd wear in a beach are completely ok in a house share.

5BlueHydrangea · 03/09/2016 21:06

Knickers /pants are needed, no nudey bottoms on seats here!! Top, not so bad. If you're comfortable why not in a way although I imagine passers by would do a double take and the postman may get a shock!

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