To feel uncomfortable when my mother wolf whistles at my DD?

[user1471552005]

Just that really. DD is 16, and is often getting ready for dance class and wearing a leotard or shorts around the house. DM is elderly and will often give her a wolf whistle. She dis it to me as a teenager, and I remember feeling very self concscious. I have asked DD how she feels and she doesn't like it, but doesn't want to mention it to her gran and cause upset.
AIBU to feel it's a bit innapropriate?

Sorry for typos- new phone.

I think the whistling is creepy and I would ask her to stop.

I hope that my family still considers me capable of change and growth when I am very old. I would hate to be the old geezer who does things that make people uncomfortable without anyone telling me.

I do find it a bit creepy.

privatepike what can't you work out?

she doesn't know it could be upsetting. It's something she refuses to consider, she finds the idea ridiculous. She won't take the suggestion on board at all.

But it is upsetting. Your daughter doesn't like it. Can't you tell her straight "please stop, DD doesn't like it".

Yes I have asked her. She laughs, she forgets I have asked. She finds the idea that someone could be upset by a wolf whistle ridiculous.
She means it as a compliment, she assumes it is taken as one. She thinks I am being critical of her and stopping easy banter between her and her granddaughter.

It's as if I am asking her not to walk on cracks on the pavement.

If I make it to 84, even though I may not be up with the way cultural norms may have changed, I hope I can still understand " Please don't do that, it makes DGD uncomfortable."

If someone doesn't like it, they don't like it. It won't hurt her to stop.

Totally agree with privatepike, maybe she would struggle to articulate that she thinks your dd looks great, i know my grandad would probably whistle or say whit woo. the world must be such a confusing place for the older generation these days.

YANBU

But she's 84. I think you're unlikely to make her change. I'd be rolling my eyes at my daughter in a conspiratorial manner when she does it I think. As in 'Here goes Gran again, tsk'.

I bloody hate this 'they're old, let it go' business. I don't think it's compassionate at all. No wonder some old people end up completely out of touch.

privatepike, but I have articulated it. my mother still feels it is a non- issue.

I don't see why that's hard to understand.

It will not have any sexual meaning to your dm - she'd probably be horrified at the thought.

^^This.

It's something I can imagine my grandmother doing (she's in her 70s) quite innocently. I can see why she doesn't understand your problem with it. To us we associate it with pervy men catcalling. Obviously has a totally different meaning for her. I feel like you and your teenage daughter should muster up the empathy to understand this, roll your eyes, and let it slide...

Oh for goodness sake, women have been objecting to wolf whistling since at least the 70s and probably longer. I would be astonished if anyone in the uk under 150 was unaware of this.

Please don't just roll your eyes at her. That's not fair on anyone, least of all her.

Get one of those really loud fog horns and condition it out of her.

Flo, people have been objecting to wolf-whistling from random blokesfor that long.

The context is completely different. I'm sure OP's daughter knows her grandma doesn't mean it as a sexual come-on.

women have been objecting to wolf whistling since at least the 70s

Yes, but op's dm was young during the 40s/50s. It probably makes a difference to her perception.

The op's mother will have been in her 40s during the seventies. She was quite possibly watching when feminists disrupted the Miss World contest in 1970. I am quite sure she will be perfectly aware of cultural changes and she has had plenty of time to adjust her own perceptions.

I am really tired of the way old people are patronised under the guise of 'leave them alone, they can't help it.'

I agree with all posts here really, old age - be compassionate, different mind sets adn all that but it doesn't stop the fact she is doing an action that is causing negative emotion and thats not nice for her either.

Just try and say in a casual light hearted way....'id stop doing that if I were you its driving her mad,...it has different meaning nowadays" if she moans just say " well you have been warned if you ant her to dislike you carry on"

Thanks for everyone's input on this, But I'm actually no clearer on what is the right thing to do!

Tell her to stop! You don't like it, your DH doesn't like it but most importantly - your DD doesn't like it. Stand up for your DD. Your mother is being creepy and inappropriate (even if it is unintentional). Your DD may end up having serious body issues due to dealing with this shit. Stand up for her.