To feel uncomfortable when my mother wolf whistles at my DD?

[user1471552005]

Just that really. DD is 16, and is often getting ready for dance class and wearing a leotard or shorts around the house. DM is elderly and will often give her a wolf whistle. She dis it to me as a teenager, and I remember feeling very self concscious. I have asked DD how she feels and she doesn't like it, but doesn't want to mention it to her gran and cause upset.
AIBU to feel it's a bit innapropriate?

Sorry for typos- new phone.

It's too bizarre for words. To me, wolf-whistling expresses sexual attraction, so why on earth would a woman do it to her daughter and her granddaughter? What's wrong with saying "You look nice?"

Sorry, mistyped last word. I mean What's wrong with saying "You look nice"?

Ask her to say 'you look nice' and not wolf whistle as its not a compliment these days. Repeat every time she does it.

My mum used to do this and she'd say "give us a twirl Anthea" it was all rather harmless imho and only done indoors. However, if your DD really hates it so much then perhaps she should be the one to speak with her gran, it might hit home that way. I can't believe someone would suggest staying away because of it!!!

My mum used to do this and she'd say "give us a twirl Anthea"

For those who don't know, this is what Bruce Forsyth used to say to co-presenter Anthea Redfern when she came on wearing some fab creation on the Generation Game!

Mynestisfullofempty , Even "you are looking nice" makes me cringe a bit.

My mother wolf whistles not only when my DD is "glammed up", but whenever she is showing some flesh,

I can remember two instances:

Last week my DD had some friends over on a really hot day and they started having a water fight in the garden, lots of laughing and shrieking, my DD runs upstairs to change, quickly so as not to miss the fun, comes back with a string t shirt and skimpy shorts, her hair, wet and messy, mascara running. Enjoying child like and care free fun- my mother wolf whistled when she saw her in the shorts.

Another time, DD had a bath, was coming downstairs in skimpy PJs, her hair in a towel, my mother wolf whistled.

I think even a " you are looking nice" would be inappropriate too.

privatepike- not loads no, maybe once a week?

privatepike- I'm not sure actually what you meant by your last comment.

I don't care what age the OP's mother is, it's still hugely inappropriate.
The only time my parents would comment on my teenaged DDs appearance would be if they were dressed up for a night out or special occasion. Then it would be, "Oh, you look lovely", or "You look beautiful", or, "I say, very glam!" Something like that. Definitely not a wolf whistle.

Our family say"give us a twirl Anthea" too I'm getting all nostalgic now bless!

Grandma is in her 80s leave her be, your dd will miss those wolf whistles one day...,

My dad used to do this to me. It made me feel awful and cringey. If your DD doesn't like it, I really think you should speak to your DM and ask her not to make your DD feel this way.

It sounds really bloody weird.

Does your mother live with you?

I think she should stop if she knows it is upsetting DD. I can't imagine why any loving GP would continue to do something their GC found upsetting

It;s interesting that there are so many diverse views. I guess that's why I am finding it a bit difficult.

Clearly some do think it's OK, and a compliment from an old woman, others feel it's sleazy and an intrusive thing to do.

I don't think my mother knows or even considers that it may be upsetting. I wonder too is I am projecting my own feelings on to my daughter.

I had experienced wolf whistles from random men that left me feeling self conscious and quite threatened in my early teenage years. Then having my dad do this if I was forced to 'dress up' for any kind of occasion reminded me of how I'd felt previously.

It also made me feel like this unwanted attention must have been my own fault, because of whatever outfit I was wearing. Really, it signified a lot more to me than just saying 'you look nice' would have done.

If your DD has had similar experiences, which it seems are quite common unfortunately, I can understand why she doesn't want her grandmother also doing this.

OP you said My mother thinks I am being ridiculous, she feels she is giving a compliment. This implies that you had spoken to her about your DD finding it upsetting/unwanted.

Then you say your mother doesn't know or even consider that it could be upsetting.

I am rather confused.

Also can't see the angst.

bluebeck- well both really.

I have told her that it upsetting/inapproriate/unwanted, but she laughs it off, thinks I have lost the plot. That's what I mean when I say she doesn't know it could be upsetting. It's something she refuses to consider, she finds the idea ridiculous. She won't take the suggestion on board at all.

My mother (bit older than yours) wolf whistles too. Rather that than her talking in a stage whisper about someone two feet in front of her 'looking really fat in that dress'

It's just like saying 'wit woo'. I feel bad for your mum. Of course it's not in a sleazy way. She's trying to compliment her granddaughter.

My mum used to do this. Never occurred to me to be cross with her about it.

I think its creepy

She's 84, I'd let it go to be honest.
Talk to your dd about different generations having different experiences of life.
It's a compassionate thing to make allowances for an 84 year old grandmother.

This. I mean, it's definitely odd, and probably come off as creepy to someone two generations younger than her. But nobody really thinks she's leering at her granddaughter, surely?!

Just explain to your daughter that in gran's day, that was a compliment, and it's hard for someone to change in their 80s.

I think at 16 your daughter is old enough to understand that, within families, we make allowances for old people's eccentricities.