To think leaving your 12 and 16 yr old home alone is a bad idea

[Pandsala]

Little sister left some clothes at my house, so I went to drop them back on my way back from somewhere else (they live 25 miles away from me, I don't drive, so figured I'd do it whilst that side of the county) , 16yo Dbro answers the door, asked if my mum was about and got no, they've gone away for a few days. Fine, I assumed they'd taken the younger ones and left 16yo with big bro (who is back from uni)

Waiting for the bus 12yo taps me on the shoulder, on his way to get shopping, offer him a hand (they live up a big hill and he had quite a long list to get) get chatting and it turns out parents have been gone since Monday, just 16yo and 12 yo home, they have been told to tell everyone 18yo sis is there, she's not, she's at her boyfriends, she has popped in but isn't there at night. Big bro has gone with my parents, they have had issues with the neighbours for years so they certainly aren't checking in. Parents are in the middle of nowhere with no phone, so totally uncontactable. They were due back yesterday but used a payphone to say they would be a few more days (no exact time given)

16yo is very sensible and probably fine on his own but I dont think it's fair to expect him to look after the just turned 12yo that long. They get on ok but like any brothers they do argue and 12yo can be a handful.

I'm quite happy to have them at mine or stay there with them, as I have in previous years, but I've fallen out with 18yo sis and my parents aren't talking to me.

I left my 16yo, 14yo and 12yo alone overnight last week (they were actually technically alone for about 42 hours). Dh was a 9 hour flight away and I was in the backcountry with no cell phone service. It was an interesting decision for me, as I knew that whatever happened, I would have absolutely no idea!!
In general, I think it's fine. My 16yo and 12yo both have Red Cross first aid qualifications, and the 16yo is a lifeguard. She just came back from a month away on a university summer programme. None of them have been in care though - although perhaps they were better off on their own in the house instead of with the uncontainable parents? The hilarious drip feed was truly something to behold, op, but in general a 16 and 12yo are more than capable of spending the weekend alone in the summer holidays.

Izzy, No I know you didn't, you said unless there was more about how dangerous the children are, was just saying its not anything like that.

Bloodyteenagers. [Flowers] that can't have been easy. I'm trying not to be that relative, hence asking on here, but at the same time there's a lot gone on and I'm finding it quite hard to see what's actually an issue and what's a perfectly justified parenting choice that's just different to what I'd do.

When I was 16 my parents took my sister on holiday for 4 weeks and left me home alone.

No going against the grain here too and agree with the op.

Why would you want to piss off on holiday and leave a 12 year old? I can see 16 might be OK to leave depending upon the individual kid but to me 16 year olds should be well capable of a few hours babysitting here and there but not for days on end.

Parents have kids. Look after them.

Your parents sound feckless and selfish op and as to the care issue well obviously that shows there have been major issues in the family. Surely in that case the kids need their parents support even more not less

A completely understandable drip feed, it wasn't difficult to see why it was done even before the op's explanation. Unfortunately some mners just can't leave it go! Who cares about the original subject matter when the op has given a perfectly good excuse for some of you to put the boot in?? Nice!

I may be jumping to conclusions a little here (apologies op if I am) but if the op was brought up within this family then her experiences may be a little outside of the norm and she may well need a little help to work out what is ok and what is not. To do this she has asked us as parents to give our opinion of the situation, not to judge her and be needlessly hurtful.

In answer to your question op I wouldn't be happy to leave my children home alone in that situation and my two are fairly well behaved, no issues, etc. In your situation I would probably just keep in close contact with your siblings and not do anything else about it. Hth

I'm going to agree with the op. No way would I do this. First, its hard to know what could happen. Second the fact the kids were in care sends alarm bells ringing.

I would!
I was walking home from school 5 miles away on my own at 14. I would then collect my 7 y.o sis from childminders and go home alone for a few hours. We were fine.
In fact, the one time I did start a fire accidentally, my mum was home yet I had put it out by the time she came into the kitchen. We had a fire blanket.
I want a proper job, so will need to leave my 10 y o h.a soon.

Exactly NotLost

Hope you ok op you sound a great person

Er if the 16 year old had a baby, they would have to look after it!

How on earth did we all manage without mobile phones! Some of us remember not even having a landline and certainly no car. I remember having to run and fetch the dr!

Well it's shit parenting but I imagine the kids are well used to it and seem like they are managing quite well. Unless as pp said, one is a psychopath and the other an arsonist.
Leaving a kid for a few hours while you're at work is a lot different to going on holoday for an undetermined length of time, and being uncontactable.
What if one of the kids becomes seriously ill/ hurt?
I would pop in on them every day op to check on them. Or make sure they know to phone you if needed.

*holiday

In theory, they will be fine.
In practice, lets say they advertise a party on facebook and that gets gatecrashed by a hundred yobs. Parents will be pleased with themselves.

So, they're camping in the middle of a field in the outback, they've taken their eldest child (uni age, so 20's?) and left a 12 year old (just returned to them from being in care) at home?
How dysfunctional can you get?

I frequently stayed the weekend with my bestie from school while her parents were away and we were responsible for her two younger brothers. I think the first time we were about 15. It was fine, and I think her parents were very clever - we were both sensible but she had moral support from me if she needed it.

Thanks NotLost, yes that does help, and yeah similar upbringings, hopefully there's has been a bit better than mine because they know I will help them out when I can.

Head, the difference is a 16yo looking after their newborn is looking after their child, who is their responsibility, not having someone elses 12yo dumped on them. As for how people coped without mobile phones, I have no idea, I got my first mobile as a present from my grandad when I was 9.

Flogging, big bro is the golden child, he couldn't possibly be left out of anything (not his fault, he's always been pretty good at insisting they include the rest of us, even when we were small)