Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think leaving your 12 and 16 yr old home alone is a bad idea

69 replies

Pandsala · 01/09/2016 13:46

Little sister left some clothes at my house, so I went to drop them back on my way back from somewhere else (they live 25 miles away from me, I don't drive, so figured I'd do it whilst that side of the county) , 16yo Dbro answers the door, asked if my mum was about and got no, they've gone away for a few days. Fine, I assumed they'd taken the younger ones and left 16yo with big bro (who is back from uni)

Waiting for the bus 12yo taps me on the shoulder, on his way to get shopping, offer him a hand (they live up a big hill and he had quite a long list to get) get chatting and it turns out parents have been gone since Monday, just 16yo and 12 yo home, they have been told to tell everyone 18yo sis is there, she's not, she's at her boyfriends, she has popped in but isn't there at night. Big bro has gone with my parents, they have had issues with the neighbours for years so they certainly aren't checking in. Parents are in the middle of nowhere with no phone, so totally uncontactable. They were due back yesterday but used a payphone to say they would be a few more days (no exact time given)

16yo is very sensible and probably fine on his own but I dont think it's fair to expect him to look after the just turned 12yo that long. They get on ok but like any brothers they do argue and 12yo can be a handful.

I'm quite happy to have them at mine or stay there with them, as I have in previous years, but I've fallen out with 18yo sis and my parents aren't talking to me.

OP posts:
squoosh · 01/09/2016 14:38

Seems a bit much to arrange to go away for a certain amount of time and then to phone up and say 'by the way we're staying on a while longer'. Seems a bit unfair on both the 12 year old and the 16 year old.

shinynewusername · 01/09/2016 14:39

the kids are only just back out of care

I think you have just won the 2016 Best Drip-Feed award right there Wink

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/09/2016 14:40

Or maybe they just know nosy buggers will judge them? 16 is old enough to get married, move out, work and have a baby. I'm sure they'll manage on their own for a few days, especially with neighbours close by and an 18yo sibling nearby if there's a problem.

16yo's are far more capable than most people give them credit for.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/09/2016 14:40

I don't think it is fair on the 16 year old. You can't guarantee that a 12 year old will always be sensible and they can be stroppy (DS1 is just 13 and I would trust him to go out with his friends but wouldn't leave him for days as he has his moments).

IzzyIsBusy · 01/09/2016 14:40

Only just back out of care......drip feed much Hmm

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/09/2016 14:41

X-post.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 01/09/2016 14:41

I've left my 16 yo alone for a week while we went on holiday. I would not ever leave him to care for his 12 yo brothers - care wouldn't come into it, there'd be fights galore.

I don't mind leaving them for a day but not for a holiday.

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2016 14:41

Drip feed much Hmm OK in light of the fact that they have just been returned from care then perhaps you are not so unreasonable and proper safeguards may not have been put in place. Can you contact their social worker?

TwentyCups · 01/09/2016 14:45

Did you not think that information might have been helpful in the op? Hmm

QuimReaper · 01/09/2016 14:47

Ha! Stupendous drip-feed.

Pandsala · 01/09/2016 14:50

Dripfeed because I wanted to know if people thought it was ok for 2 children those ages in general first, because once people find out SS are involved it effects the way they look at things and I needed to know if most people though this one thing was an issue, which clearly most people think it isn't.

OP posts:
Witchend · 01/09/2016 14:53

My 15yo and 12yo would be fine-I suspect rather enjoy it.

m0therofdragons · 01/09/2016 14:53

I don't believe the drop feed.

Op doesn't manage to make us join her in her outrage so changes the story to ensure we all agree.

At 14 I would head off with other 14yos and go camping all weekend. At 16 and 12 db and I would have been fine, especially with an 18yo we can contact.

Pandsala · 01/09/2016 14:54

Barbarian, yes I can, I just wanted to see if in the context of a normal family it would be an issue, I don't want to be running to SS everytime we disagree on parenting if in fact most people wouldn't see it as an issue, does that make sense?

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 01/09/2016 14:56

In general op it is fine. Ss involvement means complex issue which may make it less fine but we are not informed or qualified enough to comment. The way you've done it you come across as judgemental and unhelpful but I have a feeling you think you're being a "good friend / Samaritan"

IzzyIsBusy · 01/09/2016 14:56

I still dont think its an issue.
Unless there is more drip feeding about how dangerous the children are then i still think its ok.

Maryann1975 · 01/09/2016 14:57

Firstly, there are loads of places you can go where there is no mobile phone signal. About 5 miles away from us, theree is absolutely no signal, it's ridiculous, we camp there with the scouts and have know signal at all. so its not unheard of if they are camping.
Back to the issue, I'm another thinking this isn't right, big responsability for the 16 year old. I think 12 is too young to be left without an adult in charge, they are still quite young and I would think social services would be concerned (even without the drip feed of them recently coming out of care, with that nugget of info, I'm even more concerned).

m0therofdragons · 01/09/2016 14:57

Why are you running to ss?

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2016 14:57

OK then I'll clarify my opinion. I think if 2 parents who prioritise their children's well-being and have consistently sound judgement feel it is safe to let a 12 and 16 year old stay at home together for a few days then they are probably right and I wouldn't be concerned - partly because I would assume such parents had but in place the necessary safeguards/ arrangements for emergencies (neighbours checking in, being contactable etc).

I don't know your situation but if the children had previously been in care because of their parent's inability to prioritise their needs, or keep them safe, or due to previous neglect then yes I'd be concerned.

bloodyteenagers · 01/09/2016 14:59

Oh. I had one of those family members. Every time I wouldn't parent in the way they wanted, off they went running to SS to tell stories.

Oblomov16 · 01/09/2016 15:01

Severe drip feed.
You want to go to the police or SS, and just want us to tell you it's ok. Prior, to justify it to yourself?
No. Sorry?

neolara · 01/09/2016 15:04

I think it's massively irresponsible to leave a 16 year old in charge of a 12 year old for several days. It might be OK, but then again, it could easily not be, especially if the 12 yo is "a bit of a handful". I'm genuinely surprised at the amount of people who think this is fine.

Pandsala · 01/09/2016 15:04

Thank you m0therofdragons, that's what I was trying to work out. It is judgemental but only because they are my brothers and im worried about them.

Izzy, the kids being in care was not anything they had done, they are lovely boys.

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 01/09/2016 15:05

Is the ss comment to me? I would becasue the parents have left their children (not particularly worried about the 16 year old, but the 12 year old is still a child), without an adult in charge. They have then phoned and informed the children they will be staying an extra few days. They have no idea what is going on at home, the kids could be telling them anything (oh yes, everything is fine, while secretly worrying how they a going to get their fiends vomit out of the carpet after the house party last night). If they are already on the ss radar, I think it is even more concerning they think it is acceptable to leave a 12 year old. (I wouldn't think anything if it was just over night, but they went for a few days, then phoned and extended their stay and have given no eta).

IzzyIsBusy · 01/09/2016 15:06

Izzy, the kids being in care was not anything they had done, they are lovely boys.

I never said it was Confused

Swipe left for the next trending thread