To give this advice about Dsis' MIL?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Dsis and her bf have been together a few years, they live together in his house, which is very close (as in, a few doors away) from his parents.

His parents are nice and she and them get on well but she's having a big issue with his DM.

Basically, she has no boundaries and he is a bit of a man child. He's nice enough but just very very used to having someone else (mostly DM) do things for him. He is an only child and DM works part time so is free to constantly come round and tidy, buy shopping for them, do the dishes etc etc.

When talking about it, as most people would I said "that sounds great! Like having a free cleaner who brings you free shopping!" But she says it is really getting her down as she doesn't feel like it is her home and I totally get that. MIL just sees it as an extension of her own house and swans in whenever she feels like it, no calls, no knocking, just in the door despite what my Dsis might be up to. She also is desperate to be independant of his DM because she moved our of our parents' house to be with her bf and she still feels like she is living at home in a way because his DM won't stop interfering.

I suggested that maybe she push things a bit to maybe try and stop MIL from crossing the boundaries - stuff like ask her to pop round and clean the toilet while she's at work or take a load of washing round to her house for her to do while Dsis is out, in the hope that maybe she might get a bit fed up and stop of her own accord. Aibu?

MIL is a nice lady, but has so far not responded to repeated requests to stop, from both her son and Dsis so is this tactic BU or a necessary step towards freedom?

That was the point sandy 😉

But being cheeky won't stop her doing it. It will just make your sister and her partner look like they are ungrateful, selfish users and give her ammo to bring up at a later date if need be.

Much better to decide they want to be an independent family of their own and just politely decline all offers of help. Repeating 'thanks so much, but we've got this sorted'

They are enabling her behavior by accepting the help.

The problem seems to be that the DH is happy to have everything done for him. But they can't have it both ways. They either accept all offers of free shopping, free childcare, free cleaning and accept that this comes with MIL thinking that she can step into their lives whenever she wants.

Or they can grow up a bit, fend for themselves and get the privacy and independence they want. If he actually wants it that is.

Op tell your dsis to be very careful as in x amount of years he could just finish the relationship and dsis has no security re house. Theres alot of red flags here without the mil one.

Your advice was crap OP and I hope she doesn't take it.
As I'm sure is now abundantly clear, the issue is her partner and if he doesn't want to change things, they won't change. Really, is she sure he'd stand with her over his mother at the end of the day? If not, the issue is a whole lot bigger than simply placing boundaries

I don't think that asking her to do things like clean the toilet will achieve anything except make her believe that your sister is incapable of looking after her precious little soldier, so she's needed even more. Even if she got the point, it's quite passive aggressive and that never normally solves anything.

If I were your sister, I'd be pushing to move to another house, even if it were in the same area so suitable for work. That way, she gets the chance to buy half so she doesn't walk away with nothing if the relationship breaks down in ten years. She gets half a say in making it her home, rather than her partner's house that she's moved into, and she gets a fresh start. No more key being handed to mil and no more unannounced visits. A little bit of hassle now will save years of it down the line.