To be quite annoyed about these childcare requests!

[SexDrugsAndSausagesrolls]

I'm a teacher spending a fantastic amount on childcare, but a number of friends save through the use of family etc (which I don't have locally). They occasionally struggle to find the odd day covered, though it means they have a higher disposable income than me. I don't have this stress, but I pay shitloads not to!

I feel a few friendships lately have been cooled because I've said no to childcare help, surely aibu....

I have a 8m old and I'm on mat leave right now, plus a 3 yr old and 5 yr old so my hands are pretty full.

Request: 7-6 childcare for a teacher friend on an inset day for a 4 and 5 yr old (quite unruly 4 yr old who's never been left with anyone but family), said no as I'm often breastfeeding/ busy and I don't even think I could offer safety. Had visions of her two pushing each other off a trampoline/ squashing in a door whilst I was changing a nappy....

Request 2: One week of after school childcare. 5 yr old boy, hyper and needing a lot of input. Did a few days at the end of last term to help, massively stressful with a baby and I feel like I've done my bit. Just said no, it's a bit much.

Request 3: THREE children 3-8 yrs old, whole day. Said no, it's too much.

Request 4: Inset day again, teacher friend, nursery only do full weeks so doesn't want to pay for only 2 days use this week before term starts proper. Said no, under 1 yr old, I feel looking after other babies need huge amounts of care I can't give with 3 of my own

Request 5/ 6/ 7: School friends for slots here and there. Just been busy and didn't want to rearrange so someone could not have the stress of lugging a child around (I would for job interview/ funeral, ie short notice/ important). I just say no politely now, stopped saying I'm busy as they ask again and again otherwise

I don't think IABU for refusing, but aibu for getting quite annoyed they ASK? I have 3 5 and under, including a baby. Who even thinks in these cases to ask? One of mine even has SEN and struggles quite a bit socially which is bloody obvious they are aware of. I do think it's because I'm a teacher and they think I'm capable/ love kids. Once you've honestly said no, just on the grounds of feeling it's too much, people are always a little off. I do it sometimes, but I'm never going to get it back plus it leaves me housebound as I can only get my own in the car. Some are old/ good friends and it's a little wedge I think I've not dug them out a childcare hole, but I'm sure if their child was injured here running loose whilst I feed a baby to sleep they wouldn't be too happy.

You are to nice don't worry about them worry about you're dc. They should not be asking you to babysit. I think you need to take a good hard look at your self and ask what messages you have sent out for them to treat you like that. At one point my oldest 3 children were all under 5 and it is hard work mentally and physically. I would never dream of leaving my children with someone who already had a handful of children.

YANBU!

Be proud of yourself. If people go 'off' you then you know that they are not friends in the first place.

When my three DC were small (5, 2 and newborn) I had a friend who had a 7 year old DD. She hated paying for childcare, so in the holidays she like to palm her DD off for free with people who were SAHMs and that included me. So I would get asked to have her DD stay for three days. I hated it. As she was then the eldest of all of them she had her own bossy way with my DD (5) in our house. I couldn't ask my DD's friends over because this kid would then take them over.

Then I started doing some part time work but she still asked me to have her DD to stay. She is a very vain woman and I discovered that she was off having Botox in her lunch break and I realised that the money she was saving on childcare was being used to fund this activity so I was subsidising it, in effect. She never offered me a penny, nor ever offered to give me a break and look after my DC for even just a couple of hours. I told her I was too busy and after asking me a couple more times and getting no joy she stopped and went on to someone else. Some people are users. You are doing well to stay away from these parasites.

My god!!!

Do you have 'Ask me for free childcare' tatooed on your forehead?

I really can't believe the cheek of these people in all these scenarios you described.

YANBU, I help out in emergencies, I do reciprocals and I take kids who are friends of mine. All three without hesitation. All other requests get turned down, they are freeloaders. Took me ages to get there though.

YANBU. Stick to your guns.

Nope tell them NO...you have your hands full and you are not a childminder. When DS2 was in little school I often had a friend over after school, his mum would pick him up and out stay her welcome (DH would come home after a 12 hour shift and I'd be cooking food and she still wouldn't go???) it was never reciprocated, unfortunately some people need to have 🖕🏻🖐🏻

YANBU at all but I amazed that your teacher friends are asking you - they should know much better! Do you have different inset days to them (here in Australia it's always first day of term for all teachers). Unfortunately this type of request is becoming far more common with both parents working long hours and who feel unable to (or sometimes just don't want to) take any time off. They actively look out for (and are advised to by career advice sites etc) a 'network' of backup care which usually ends up being SAHM's or people with perceived flexible hours. Actually I don't mind this so much when people are really in a fix but it's the ones who are trying to avoid paying for formal care on a regular basis or who try to get someone to take their sick kid who are really annoying.

AndNowItsSeven yes my group of friends (there are 4 of us with either 2 or 3 kids under 5 each) are the same.I have never called in the favours as I have family nearby and don't work but we do all tend to have each other's kids for hospital appointments/random work meetings etc. We wouldn't do it as a regular thing (they all have paid nurseries for their usual work days it's just ad hoc stuff) My D.C. actually love having an extra person or 2 over for lunch or dinner. Seems unwritten that it wouldn't be more than 3 hours or so, though!

Of course they're NBU to ask and of course you're NBU to say no! It's a shame you feel the friendships have cooled after you've said no, though

You're not being unreasonable saying no but they're not to ask either. My group of friends help each other out all the time - I've looked after several this holidays (I've got 2 dds including a 4 month old but find they generally entertain themselves)

Onecurrantbun, what you describe I'm fine with, say three to four hour. 7 to 6 is hell, the witching hour and tiredness hits t three and WHOOSH

I think it is unreasonable to ask tbh. Three under five means you are officially at capacity. I would only ask someone with kids the same age as mine and with the favour returned as part of the package.