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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to lend her money

69 replies

ApproachingATunnel · 31/08/2016 18:11

A neighbour who i would loosely call a friend asked to borrow £100. The background is she has 2 kids, and is moving and supposedly has a van coming to pick up heavy stuff tomorrow. Her partner is on the scene on and off and according to her does not contribute financially. She has in the past asked for childcare and but never offered to look after mine. I looked after her kids around 3 times. Once i was asked to look after them so that her DP can go play football on the weekend to which i said no and which pissed me off quite a bit as i work during the week and have no family to help out so it felt like she's taking the piss.

I could lend it to her but i'm resentful because she isnt really a friend and over the time i know her i felt she's always asking for things not giving much back.

Got a text saying she exhausted any other venues, noone else can help her so please could i lend the money. Talk about guilt tripping and pilling on the pressure. Said no, it's not a good month so i can't. She texted back asking if she could borrow till this friday.

It feels mean but WIBU to say no?

OP posts:

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/08/2016 19:43

I suspect she has asked a few people, as ppl said. I also suspect she has borrowed from others as well.
Believe me, i have all the sympathy and struggled with saying no. It's just that something doesnt ring true in all of this. Yesterday she wanted £30 to pay window cleaners (when she's perfectly capable of cleaning them herself). I said no...

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/08/2016 19:57

I'm afraid it sounds as if she's trying to leech as much as possible off you while she still has the chance, OP

YouTheCat · 31/08/2016 19:57

£30 to have her windows cleaned! Bloody hell!

Hope she's moving far.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 31/08/2016 20:04

Sounds like shes been fobbing off the window cleaner too, that's probably 3 or 4 times the window cleaner has been and not been paid, they'll not see their money either. I suspect she moves around quite a lot, when she's milked that area/"friends" on to the next.

ConvincingLiar · 31/08/2016 20:26

£30 for windows? I have a really big house and I only pay £12. I bet she's missed a few payments or is lying.

rollonthesummer · 31/08/2016 20:37

She asked you yesterday for £30 for Windows and today for £100 for a van?! Blimey!

GoldPlatedBacon · 31/08/2016 20:44

Moesha

Mouikey · 31/08/2016 23:28

In these situations I ask "what would Judge Judy say?" And she would say "if closer friends won't help her then that shows there is a problem."

If you want to give her a gift go for it, but don't expect it back if you consider it a loan

AmserGwin · 01/09/2016 15:50

Don't do it, she is rude to ask again when you have already said no

c3pu · 01/09/2016 18:07

NO! NO NO NO NO...

This has all the hallmarks of a scam.

Well done for refusing.

Sonders · 01/09/2016 18:15

I have been burned before lending people money, it took 5 years to get it back and the friendship was over.

Now I believe in what Judge Judy always says: never loan money to a friend, if you can afford to give it away, hand them the money and say "this is a gift, not a loan. It's one time only and don't you ever ask me for money again"

Maybe all her friends are JJ fans and have already given her money?

qazxc · 01/09/2016 19:18

She'll "borrow" this money, you'll never see it again. She'll probably be back for more with a sob story" I know I owe you that money but this happened...." Because once you pay out she'll see you as an easy mark.

Giratina · 01/09/2016 19:22

YANBU to have told her no. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

paxillin · 01/09/2016 19:23

A lovely friend would have gone out of her way to return your babysitting favours. A freeloader would have let you babysit, not offer herself. She will be the same with money.

Glamorousglitter · 01/09/2016 19:25

Cripes, no, never, no way!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/09/2016 19:28

hand them the money and say "this is a gift, not a loan. It's one time only and don't you ever ask me for money again"

I've always wondered how that's supposed to work ... wouldn't it make the real chancers think "if she can afford to give me money she'll certainly be okay for a mere loan"?

KittyKrap · 01/09/2016 19:41

Never. Ever.
We came into money and unfortunately DH told his best friend of about 30 years. We lent him money for a cooker, £500, not a word of thanks or any mention of repaying, then a workmate - another 'friend' he'd known for 40 years - needed £10k to get him out of trouble mortgage wise. We said no.

Pair of fucker's blanked us ever since. Twats.

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 01/09/2016 19:56

She seems to have gone. Glad to see that she managed it because i did feel a bit guilty for saying no. I think i did the right thing, i bet it was a mass text and someone came up with the money. Glad it's not me!

Me and DH did her a few favours over the time we know her and it was so one sided. Her son winds mine up and lacks manners (last time i bought him ice cream in a park there was no 'thank you' and he just barks out 'i want water' 'i want ice cream' like im meant to get him all he wants! The boy is nearly 8 btw!).

Anyways i'm glad she's gone!

OP posts:

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/09/2016 19:58

Only 'lend' money if you are happy to give the money as a gift.

That's the easiest way of working out who you feel right about helping, be it family or close friends, but if you would not gift the money, it tells you something.

Some people ARE desperate and it's good to help, but a lot more trade on the kindness of others, and the trust too in the goodness of others, that people wouldn't lie or cheat.

My wanker stbxh 'borrowed' money off everyone, left me £20k in debt and embarrassingly a neighbour chased me for the £600 he'd 'lent' him. I was so glad to move and get a fresh set of neighbours who weren't pestered by him. Hideous.

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