Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not want to lend her money

69 replies

ApproachingATunnel · 31/08/2016 18:11

A neighbour who i would loosely call a friend asked to borrow £100. The background is she has 2 kids, and is moving and supposedly has a van coming to pick up heavy stuff tomorrow. Her partner is on the scene on and off and according to her does not contribute financially. She has in the past asked for childcare and but never offered to look after mine. I looked after her kids around 3 times. Once i was asked to look after them so that her DP can go play football on the weekend to which i said no and which pissed me off quite a bit as i work during the week and have no family to help out so it felt like she's taking the piss.

I could lend it to her but i'm resentful because she isnt really a friend and over the time i know her i felt she's always asking for things not giving much back.

Got a text saying she exhausted any other venues, noone else can help her so please could i lend the money. Talk about guilt tripping and pilling on the pressure. Said no, it's not a good month so i can't. She texted back asking if she could borrow till this friday.

It feels mean but WIBU to say no?

OP posts:

takesnoprisoners · 31/08/2016 18:38

You won't see that £100 again, especially since she is moving.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 31/08/2016 18:38

I agree too, you'll never see it again, another of life's users.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2016 18:39

Neither a lender nor a borrower be.

Its an old saying but true. You are not being unreasonable to say no; you are not a cash machine.

MrsHulk · 31/08/2016 18:39

Stick to your guns. She's a user, and about to move. You will never see that money again if you lend it to her. Just keep repeating that you don't have it.

Porg · 31/08/2016 18:41

Nope. Not a hope. Tell her you don't have it.

everdene · 31/08/2016 18:48

I'd just say 'look, I don't have it. I can't lend it to you because I haven't got it, you must understand that to be asking yourself?'

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 18:55

Some very unsympathetic attitudes towards a mother desperate enough to beg an acquaintance for a loan. I hope no-one here is ever in that position.

I still think you should say no, as you can't afford it if you don't get it back.

AyeAmarok · 31/08/2016 18:57

Unsympathetic attitudes to a person who tries to pressure someone else into lending them money they can't afford to lend, trifle.

Sara107 · 31/08/2016 19:00

You aren't under any obligation to her, she isn't family!y or a real friend, just someone who asks you for help from time to time.£100 is a lot and I agree you are unlikely!to see it again. You don't have to give excuses, just no. Personally, I would never have that sort of cash on me as mostly I pay by card. So even if I wanted to give, it would take me a few days to get to a cash machine. Very rude to ask for this sort of money.

Luce888OK · 31/08/2016 19:02

If you've already told her you can't afford it, it's cheeky of her to continue to try and pressure you into it. I don't think you should feel obliged to help someone being that pushy.

zolalola · 31/08/2016 19:04

Say no again. If she continues to mither you 'fuck off' is acceptable

YelloDraw · 31/08/2016 19:04

You'll never see that £100 again!

"No sorry, I don't have any money to lend"

Cagliostro · 31/08/2016 19:07

YANBU

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/08/2016 19:08

Pheeew. Thank you for making me feel better.
I too am wondering how come i am her last resort. When she has other friends who know her for much longer and always seemed much closer to than me. They even used to babysit for her for free, regularly. How come she's not texting those people but me.
I said no, nicely. So that's dealt with unless she asks again!

OP posts:

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 31/08/2016 19:10

As my GF always told my Mum, neither a borrower nor a lender be. Good advice, which I sometimes haven't followed. The only people I lend to now are extremely close family/friends. I have never borrowed from friends and I don't think I ever would. Unfortunately, a lot of people will just see you as a someone to use and will be reluctant to pay you back. There will probably always be an excuse and after all, she isn't going to be a neighbour soon so may not value your friendship more than the £100?

YouTheCat · 31/08/2016 19:11

She's not texting them because she probably already owes them money.

Don't give her a penny.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/08/2016 19:18

Some very unsympathetic attitudes towards a mother desperate enough to beg an acquaintance for a loan. I hope no-one here is ever in that position

Surely you noticed the bit about her having "exhausted any other avenues" which appears to include folk much closer to her? Personally I think that says quite a lot ...

Damselindestress · 31/08/2016 19:18

trifle People are trying to protect OP from being taken advantage of financially. Sorry but the acquaintance is only desperate because everyone else she has asked, people who are presumably closer to her and know her better, have turned her down. There will be a reason for that. And she has history of taking and not giving, asking OP for childcare but never offering to return the favour. People are unsympathetic because there are clear warning signs here.

Damselindestress · 31/08/2016 19:19

X post puzzled. Great minds...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/08/2016 19:20

rollonthesummer · 31/08/2016 19:21

Some very unsympathetic attitudes towards a mother desperate enough to beg an acquaintance for a loan. I hope no-one here is ever in that position.

Just sensible and realistic replies really.

WetPaint4 · 31/08/2016 19:23

I learned as a child (from watching Moesha): "never lend what you can't afford to give away"

DPotter · 31/08/2016 19:31

slightly different, but I once got guilted in to some very inconvenient childcare ,as I was her last hope, only to find out later, she'd sent to same text on a group thing and got several people 'offering'.

Totally agree with everyone else - don't lend her the money

MrsJayy · 31/08/2016 19:33

No I cant lend you £100 add a sorry if you want (i wouldn't) she is taking the piss who organises a man with a van without having the money . You have nothing to be guilty about

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 31/08/2016 19:37

She's probably asked a few people, hoping to get at least one bite. I hope no one falls for it. There's usually always one sucker though.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread