Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to consider going on holiday with the man who has just ditched me?

32 replies

BillericayDuckie · 30/08/2016 18:34

Ok, that may be overly dramatic....

As background, last week my dp of 2 and a half years said he did not see a future with us as a couple and romantically we should go our separate ways.

I am gutted, but have to admit we have become more friends than lovers. I have therefore found somewhere else to live and am making plans to move out.

So far, despite plenty of tears on my part, the separation has been amicable and I will continue to work for his company.

We have a holiday booked for the end of the month that he paid for. Yesterday he said that he can't get a refund on the holiday and asked if I would still like to go as friends. If not, he will go alone.

I am torn. On one hand I was obviously looking forward to the holiday and I'm not sure when I will get the opportunity again due to having to manage on my own financially.

On the other hand, I'm feeling that I should concentrate on my fresh start. It's not definite yet, but the tenancy on my new home is likely to start around the time of the holiday. I also need my parents to pick up my dc from school on the day we would return (the holiday was arranged when they are spending time with their father) and I know my parents won't understand if I go (let's just say that xp is not their favourite person).

WWYD?

OP posts:

Kalispera · 30/08/2016 18:37

I'd rip the plaster off quickly and go for the fresh start.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 30/08/2016 18:40

I assume you'd be sharing a room together OP? I think this could be too painful and confusing. I certainly could not do it.

winchesterfan · 30/08/2016 18:42

Why is it you both go or he goes alone?
I would see if you can change the booking to 2 separate rooms and go, but do your own thing in the day and not spend time together

ilovesooty · 30/08/2016 18:43

I think from outside the relationship it's impossible to say but I hope you come to a decision you're comfortable with.

Original poster

BillericayDuckie · 30/08/2016 18:45

Forgot to mention it is a villa so we would have separate bedrooms.

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 30/08/2016 18:45

Depends what sort of holiday. If it's a coupley one then hell no. If it's one where you could find a nice holiday fling entertain yourself quite happily then I might go.

Could you book a separate room?

YelloDraw · 30/08/2016 18:47

Only you can answer this - could be messy or it could be a nice holiday.

I probably wouldn't go - clean break and all that. But if it was my only chance of a nice holiday it would be a harder decision.

AbyssinianBanana · 30/08/2016 18:51

By working for his company, you mean he owns it and is your boss? Or you both work in a late firm on different floors and never run into each other unless you plan it?

Doesn't sound like a clean break if you'll see him everyday at work anyway.

I'd go but rent separate cars so you can go do your own thing during the day.

KC225 · 30/08/2016 18:51

He dumped you. You should get the holiday. Maybe you can get a name change for a small fee. Take a mate.

maggiethemagpie · 30/08/2016 18:53

I wouldn't go with him. I'd try to get him to let you take the booking and decide who you want as your plus one (not him). It's the least he can do.

If he won't do that, I'd write off the holiday, I wouldn't go with him. He could have waited until after the holiday if he had any consideration at all for your feelings to tell you it was over. Talk about adding insult to injury!

ilovesooty · 30/08/2016 18:57

If he paid for the holiday I don't see why he has to give it to the OP and she hasn't suggested that he should.

OpenMe · 30/08/2016 19:01

Quite nice of him to offer it to you and if you were further down the "friends" road maybe it could work but so soon, no he needs to take a mate or go alone

ClopySow · 30/08/2016 19:02

I wouldn't. It'll just make you feel sad for what isn't.

Littleallovertheshop · 30/08/2016 19:06

Don't do it

hownottofuckup · 30/08/2016 19:06

I would probably go, but I am very adept and making very bad choices where relationships are concerned.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 19:08

I woulden't go, let him go alone, or can't he take a mate.

IsItMeOr · 30/08/2016 19:09

I wouldn't, if I were you. But only you can really know your relationship.

HarryDaylight · 30/08/2016 19:19

I wouldn't go. Sounds like an emotional minefield.

DiegeticMuch · 30/08/2016 19:26

If you are absolutely sure that he's not stringing you along, and you genuinely have no hopes of a reconciliation, go. If you've a glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind about you, or if you think he might enjoy keeping you hanging, avoid the holiday.

acasualobserver · 30/08/2016 19:29

I wouldn't. Too much opportunity for a psycho-drama. Who needs that?

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2016 19:38

If you feel like you would find it a relaxing holiday then go - there's already the chance for separate bedrooms so no need to worry about that aspect of things.

It could be a really nice trip as friends.

I went to a gig with my ex after he had a new partner. We had a really lovely time (I spoke to the new partner and made sure she was totally happpy with it first!)

ForalltheSaints · 30/08/2016 19:41

As it is separate rooms and a villa you should think about going.

Marylou2 · 30/08/2016 19:45

OMG of course you shouldn't go. He just dumped you, your parents don't like him and you need to be there to pick the kids up. Don't be a doormat for this man. Bow out gracefully and find another job too. If I sound harsh it's because I've been there. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Oysterbabe · 30/08/2016 19:47

Don't go. It would be awful.

bunnysmummy · 30/08/2016 19:47

could you take the flights and stay somewhere else? if the flights were going to waste otherwise.

Do you thinks you will just end up sleeping together and regretting it if you are staying together?
Why don't your parents like him?

Flip

1 2