grandparents giving 3 year old coffee

[abbinobb]

according the the 3 year old anyway and i'm inclined to believe him because I remember MIL asking me when he was 9 months old if he likes coffee and she just has really weird views on kids.

I hate him going over there anyway as they just don't like me an disregard anything i say/ask. e.g not to give him lollipops or whole grapes because of the choking hazzard etc.
(not actually my MIL as were not married but just for ease of typing!)
I'm not being picky and pfb am i, you really shouldnt be giving 3 year olds coffee??
He never sleeps when he comes back from there and i guess i know why now, last week they were out with him almost all day and went swimming with him and he still didn't sleep until midnight.

AIBU to tell them to stop this shit or he's not going over there? I don't want to create another massive war with them but i also really dont want my 3 year old drinking coffee

Given all the non coffee anecdotes I don't understand why you still send your son there. You know they will disregard your son's best interests.

It is great for kids to know their grandparents but they can still bond with supervised visits.

YANBU

I think it is absolutely wrong of the your MIL to teach your child to have things you don't let them have. My MIL used to peel and halve grapes because she had watched a child choke to death on one. There was a similar story on the news recently. Lollypops very easily can come off the stick and be inhaled accidentally. I'd be very forthright about undermining behaviour to my MIL if she did this, never mind the coffee!

abbinobb YANBU.

I'd talk about the coffee and see ff that was real. But even if not the grapes would piss me off big time. Find something on the internet and print it off, grapes should be cut longways and are a chocking hazard. Lollipops, tell your story about your brother (that must have been so scary).

On balance I'd say either a major change in attitude and behavior from them or the grand child does not come over to visit grand parents unsupervised. To be honest my kids were almost four, before my in-laws looked after them (ad I really needed their help as a one-off) and I love my in laws to bits! Now they do look after the kids a few times a year, as a favour to me, and they are always totally accommodating to do things my way. They actually seem to like the fact we have list of what is usual and OK, and always stick to things. To be honest, that is what I would expect of anyone who looks after your child.

If you need to use them for childcare, i'd have a re-think how you can manage this, if you are just letting them have your child because that is what they would like, then they really must stick to your rules or not have unsupervised access to your child.