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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

grandparents giving 3 year old coffee

54 replies

abbinobb · 30/08/2016 18:11

according the the 3 year old anyway and i'm inclined to believe him because I remember MIL asking me when he was 9 months old if he likes coffee Hmm and she just has really weird views on kids.

I hate him going over there anyway as they just don't like me an disregard anything i say/ask. e.g not to give him lollipops or whole grapes because of the choking hazzard etc.
(not actually my MIL as were not married but just for ease of typing!)
I'm not being picky and pfb am i, you really shouldnt be giving 3 year olds coffee??
He never sleeps when he comes back from there and i guess i know why now, last week they were out with him almost all day and went swimming with him and he still didn't sleep until midnight.

AIBU to tell them to stop this shit or he's not going over there? I don't want to create another massive war with them but i also really dont want my 3 year old drinking coffee

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 30/08/2016 19:48

I'm a very lax mother but I tend to balance the annoyance with my mother stuffing my son with crisps and chocolate, with the fact I get free child care for a few hours.

The latter tends to win Blush

NavyandWhite · 30/08/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 20:04

Kieren I'm not even strict at all, chocolate and crisps etc totally would be fine by me, lollipops, whole grapes and coffee not so much. I get so scared about lollipops because I remember my brother choking on one in the car in a carpark when he was about 9ish and my mum couldn't get it out but luckily a man who knew how to help saw and came rushing over to help or he'd be dead, it just completely freaks me out.

OP posts:
Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 20:13

Whathaveilost- coffee smells gross and is actually kinda gross that's probably why, I never used to drink coffee till I was 22 and ds was born and only cause I waneed caffeine but wanted to stop the 5 red bulls a day habit.

I don't get on with them at all, they only even started having ds because they found out that my parents have him Sundays when me and dp are working and suddenly they keep asking to have him but only ever on Sundays, they're weird like that. They also hate my parents even though theybe only met them twice.

She also threw a step because the day I had ds I hadn't eaten all day and visiting hours were almost over and dp said he was just going to go to the shop to get me some food first before visiting is over and she had a bitchfit because she wanted him to go to the shop for her RIGHT NOW to get fags so I might be a bit bitter Blush

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CatsRule · 30/08/2016 20:15

My ds (4) talks about having his cappuccino...he doesn't get coffee, I give him babycinos but that's what he calls it. Could this be what your ds means?

Mine also isnt a great sleeper and could be up late so only you'd know if that was unusual.

The grapes and lolly are pure stupidity and I'd question her love/care for you ds to want to put him in danger just to go against your wishes, it's basic common sense!

daisywhoopsie · 30/08/2016 20:16

If it was coffee YANBU.

However, my 2 year old niece spotted a bottle of wine in the Tesco queue a few days ago and upon telling her that no, I wouldn't buy it for her she announced to everybody in ear shot that I 'always buy her wine'.

Just to be completely clear on this, I have never purchased wine for her.

kierenthecommunity · 30/08/2016 20:18

Yeah tbf the lollies and grapes would piss me off too.

Hulababy · 30/08/2016 20:23

Whathaveilost Tue 30-Aug-16 18:59:37 - What age is it acceptable to drink coffee and tea?

DD is 14y and drinks coffee - normally a latte or an iced latte. She takes a hot latte in a lidded coffee mug in the car on her way to school every morning. Has done for the past year. She, or dh, make it before they leave.

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 30/08/2016 20:25

Decaf coffee still contains caffeine, depending on the brand sometimes as much as a quarter of the amount of caffeine as full caff. This is too much for a child of this age to drink.

ollieplimsoles · 30/08/2016 20:25

Last time they would ever have my kid alone.

I reluctantly tried it with pil, I came back and she was covered in white chocolate buttons, she was five months old. Never again.

Atenco · 30/08/2016 20:32

I would have thought grapes are fine for that age. Misses the point. And I hope everyone realises that coca cola is full of caffeine too.

Just the fact that he can't get to sleep after being with them is reason enough to cut back on his visits.

Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 20:49

Atenco whole grapes aren't fine for my ds, he shoves a fuck ton of food in his mouth all at once. They need to be cut up. I don't think that's abnormal at my younger sisters primary school they're not allowed grapes unless they are cut up and that's up to 11 year olds. He's 3! And only just turned 3 last week. And it's not the point anyway I'm his parent and I tell them not to so they do anyway. And let him run around the edge of swimming pools and just generally don't watch him properly. Not to even mention the smoking in bed and setting fire to the fucking bed repeatedly which is why he only ever goes if dps dad is there (he's more sensible) and NEVER at night. He's only just been allowed to go over there without dp but Im putting an end to it be a use they just won't grow the fuck up.
Also who on earth gives cola to 3 year olds.

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Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 20:50

Sorry atenco that was really angry sounding the anger is directed at PILS not you! Turned into a bit of a rant when I didn't mean it to Blush

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whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 30/08/2016 21:00

YADNBU if they can't stick to your rules he doesn't go. Coffee for a child is insane.

As for Coke I got squirted with Coke from a baby bottle indisney. The no more than 2 year old has dropped it and it was spraying everywhere. Mum hasn't even noticed because she was on her phone facing in entirely the other direction. Definately Coke it was sticky and stunk. My judgeypants were giving me a wedgie...

MetalMidget · 30/08/2016 21:10

YANBU. Kick up a fuss. What kind of idiot gives a growing child coffee?

My mother - I used to drink nothing but coffee and Ribena from 3 - 6. Then I went off coffee. I bloody hate the stuff now.

I won't be giving my boy coffee!

toffeeboffin · 30/08/2016 21:20

Why do they do that, though?

It's not like there's no other drinks.

DPotter · 30/08/2016 21:25

we used to give DD a 'cup of coffee' when we had one - it was basically warm milk with one granule of coffee in it - when she was about 3.

Your DS may not be sleeping as he's excited after a fun time with his GP

Muskateersmummy · 30/08/2016 21:28

Talk to them about it, my dd tells everyone she has a pot of tea all the time. She means a warm milk with a vague hint of tea. She's had it for years. I would guess ifs something similar.

I would be very concerned about lollipops and whole grapes, my 4 year old doesn't have those either

fabulous01 · 30/08/2016 21:37

This isn't about coffee etc it is about trust. I don't trust my in laws so I don't have unsupervised time. Luckily I live far enough away

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 30/08/2016 22:37

My son came home raving about his 'coffee' that he had while out for dinner with childminder, it was a pizza express babycino. On the other hand I accidentally gave him coffee cake once when he was about 3yo at about 4pm and he didn't sleep until midnight-worst evening ever! Yadnbu, don't let them have him for a day.

HateSummer · 30/08/2016 22:47

Hmm It's just coffee once in a blue moon, and it's most probably watered down with loads of milk because a 3 year old would never drink a strong black coffee happily. It tastes horrible.

The way everyone is talking on here about kicking up a fuss you'd think the gp's gave him watery shit to drink.

Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 23:46

Hatesummer but the point is why would you give a 3 year old coffee though? (If they did) and this is the woman who asked me if my 9 month old baby liked coffee so she does seem to have a... odd view of things that are OK or not.

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Original poster
abbinobb · 30/08/2016 23:49

And fabulous is right it's not about coffee it's about trust really, e.g asked can they please stop giving him so many blueberries because it was giving him an upset belly and sore bum then they bring him back saying "oh he ate loads of blueberries again he loves them" obviously not a big deal, it's fruit and healthy but it's like they do the opposite of what I say on purpose as if I'm just making stuff up to be mean.

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maddiemookins16mum · 30/08/2016 23:57

Would a 3 year old really enjoy/drink a proper coffee? Mine would have spat out anything stronger than 6 granuals disolved in mostly hot milk.

Sweetandsour93 · 30/08/2016 23:59

I think 3 is too young for coffee. However, I remember having coffee at age 8 or 9 when I used to see my aunty after school. It was a treat and I liked it. A weak coffee for an older child probably wouldn't be a cause for concern. Some kids like hot drinks and tea/coffee are sometimes preffered. Provided it's not a regular thing, I wouldn't worry too much (when he's slightly older).