DD was born a week ago.
Inlaws, DH's dad and his girlfriend, came to visit when she was two days old. They arrived at 9am and didn't leave until 7.30pm... we were bloody exhausted and weren't expecting them to stay quite so long. Nothing in messages exchanged beforehand suggested it would be an all-day thing.
We ended up feeding them lunch and dinner (they brought their breakfast with them!) while they literally sat on the sofa all day drinking tea made by me and DH. I'm breastfeeding, and at that point hadn't figured out her latch 100% so walked, injured cowboy style, upstairs every hour to feed the baby. No offers to remove themselves to another room. No offers to do anything at all apart from sit and cuddle the baby between feeds, watch TV and eat my biscuits.
They didn't even get up to take their cups to the kitchen and waited for me or DH to clear the plates from their laps. They also didn't bring a congratulations card (not that that matters at all, but given their behaviour it was like the cherry on top of an ill-mannered cupcake)
To be fair they're usually like this, and it is annoying. But we thought they'd be better visitors with a newborn baby around. Obviously not.
They want to visit again tomorrow. I really don't want a repeat of last week where we're waiting on them hand-and-foot but I don't exactly know how to avoid it once they're here, parked on the sofa, refusing to move 
AIBU?
to crack down on this rude behaviour?
OohMavis · 29/08/2016 11:48
Op I am really desperately sorry for you. My story is vastly different... both sets of grandparents came over laden with lovely home made casseroles/dinners and did washing and cleaning (ok maybe my DM a bit more
) in addition to cups of tea - I just assumed everyone is that clued up - and all this after DH turned his own DPs away on our driveway the first time they arrived after the birth (was a home birth and I had just collapsed on the floor with exhaustion and was in no fit state for anyone to visit). They (and we) were disappointed, sure, but they went away without seeing the baby and definitely did not complain.
I can only assume your FIL and his GF are somehow just not this clued up. What's their back story? Did they have no new births in their family for quite a few years?
If you think their behaviour's genuinely caused by their lack of awareness of today's norms, then you or DH could have a try at putting them in the picture. Something like:
"These days there just is not the same support for new mums & babies as there used to be. Things have changed. It's now normal for families to muck in to help out the new mum. Family members and close friends who visit in the first few weeks are expected to make the tea, bring biscuits, and ask how else they can help out. They should leave the room when mum needs to bf, as it's bloody tricky, and nowadays it's not the done thing for a new mum to have to struggle up her own stairs just to get some space to practice feeding. Plus it's the done thing to stay only for ".
If they change their behaviours then it's a win win.
If they don't then you know to take a much harder line to keep yourself and your own new family sane.
Tell them straight and don't feel awkward. Why do people assume that new parents are delighted to marathon-entertain others when they're completely knackered? Do they actually believe that a stork brought the baby without any effort whatsoever on your part? And the baby (and you and DH/DP) have had 10 hours sleep in 24 ever since?
I had to do the "can I have the room" thing with PIL when trying to feed DS1 (post CS) as I was too uncomfortable to move up and downstairs; also FIL was a bit pervy about the whole feeding thing, tbh. They left in a huff but were more considerate afterwards. Removing yourself upstairs can be okay, but there's no guarantee they won't still be there when you come back down. Best to tell them and be done with it 
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