Is it reasonable to breastfeed in the baby changing room?

[UmbongoUnchained]

I was out for lunch yesterday and there was a huge queue of people outside the changing room, my brother being one of them. A lady was breastfeeding in there which I thought was fair enough, maybe she's shy. But she was in there for 45 minutes and it was the only changing room in the restaurant and the smell of pooey nappies was beginning to waft!
What do you think? I know the baby had to be fed, but there also wasn't any other places to change any of the other babies. There was no chair in there so she must of been awfully uncomfortable standing or sitting on the floor.
Do you think places should have a changing table in the main toilets as well to avoid queues? Or would people find that gross?

Not for 45 minutes though surely? That is taking the piss a bit.

I think it depends whether you're talking about one of those big 'family' rooms you sometimes get in department stores etc which have plenty of space for multiple people or the average disabled-loo-plus-changing-table where it would be a bit of a squeeze.

I am all for supporting women to breastfeed where they want, and where they feel comfortable, but I don't think it's reasonable to breastfeed in the only accessible toilet and baby changing facility. In that situation, she had various options open to her:

• Ask the restaurant staff if there was a quiet place that she could use to feed her baby (they might have had a suitable place that was relative private and quiet)
• Feed the baby at her table using a large muslin or scarf to cover up
• Bottle feed her baby using expressed or formula milk (requires advance planning but not unreasonable to think ahead and plan for this, especially if you are shy about breastfeeding in public)

Not for 45 minutes though surely? That is taking the piss a bit.

If I was sitting there with the door unlocked when I was feeding, or even changing my baby, and said 'come on in' but they wouldn't - then yes, I'd think it was their own fault.

It's like not going into public loos if someone is in one of the many cubicles.

People round your way would be horrified by me, then, OP. I would have knocked then taken my youngest, 21 with SN, in to use the toilet. I do feel sorry for her, as we don't know why she chose to feed in there, but my girl needs to go when she needs to go. She could breast feed anywhere, whereas I don't think people would be impressed with my youngest peeing on the restaurant/cafe floor.

I don't think the OP said there was a toilet in there, unless I missed that.

I think you did, Primal. Easy done.

^Add message | Report | Message poster Lunde Mon 29-Aug-16 11:15:02
Blocking the only changing area for such a long period would seem rather rude - surely a quiet corner could be found. Is the baby changing room also the disabled toilet?
Add message | Report | Message poster UmbongoUnchained Mon 29-Aug-16 11:16:53
Yes it is I forgot about that!^

Perfectly reasonable as long as you are content for a father to change his baby's nappy.

If she locked the door, or in any way made other people feel unwelcome to come in and change their children, then she was being very unreasonable. If she left the door slightly open and was happy to signal to people to come in and use it as well, then that's slightly different.

The description of a queue building up rather sounds like the former scenario which is plain selfish.

I can't say I'd want to feed my baby in a changing room though, particularly as to avoid being selfish she'd have to be prepared to let a stream of men and women come in to change their own kids (shutting the door behind them to preserve their own child's dignity and stopping shit smells wafting out)

No - totally unreasonable when you're restricting access for everyone else. Just totally inconsiderate. And anyone with a baby would know this!

andrew I don't really understand? What's it got to do with a father?

Yes the door was locked, as I say, nobody I know would leave a door u locked while its occupied.

UmBongo If it's a baby changing room a father may want to use it to, you know, change his baby's nappy - even if a woman is bf her baby there.

And if he is there first the woman who wants to bf will have to choose - wait or bf at once.

Having changed my son - now 31 - in baby changing rooms I would not be bothered if the woman wasn't, and I would not gawp, I wasn't a teenager at the time.

OP when you say the mother looked really embarrassed - do you mean when she finally came out?

I don't find it sad for her in any way. I find it a bit sad for the babies needing to be changed who weren't because she was in there for so long. She chose to hog the only changing space for 45 minutes (!) knowing it was at the complete inconvenience of other parents, and any one else there (the smell of nappies wafting/ no thanks!)

She was very selfish and doesn't warrant sympathy, she should have done what every other nursing mother has to do and feed her baby in the restaurant or find somewhere that doesn't inconvenience so many other people's day. I'm surprised no one knocked on the door after ten minutes or so and asked if she'd be long.

And what was the manner of the husband - apologetic or security-guard-esque?

Still don't really get what you're going on about Andrew. I've not specified anywhere what gender of person can change the nappies.

She did look very embarrassed when she came out. The husband wasn't apologetic at all. Was actually getting really mad at people who kept popping back to see if the room was free yet.

I would have asked a member of staff to ask her to leave the room.

I read Andrews post to mean that it would only be acceptable to sit in their and bf if she left the door open and was happy for any man or woman to come in and change their baby.

Clearly in this case the situation was ludicrous and entitled. Particularly the husband sitting nearby trying to intimidate other customers from using the room

I'm with gingerbread - id have complained to staff about the couple

In there

Umbongo Sorry if I have misunderstood you. If she was keeping out all baby changers regardless of gender then she was equal opps unreasonable and unfair. My point was only that you cannot lock a baby changing room and exclude women or men who need it for the purpose for which it is designated.

Totally unreasonable to hog a baby change room for that long. I probably would have ended up changing my baby on the floor outside the room, because I'm darned if I'm going to stand outside with a stinking baby for 45 minutes.

I don't see why she couldn't have let people in to use the changing station though. Depends on the set up of the room I suppose, but the last time I took my son to a baby changing room, there was a bench with two mats and two chairs. There was a woman sat there feeding her baby and she didn't mind me intruding in the slightest.

Yeah the door was locked so no one could get in there.

My brother was pretty annoyed at having the change the baby in the car seeing as it was a poonami