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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it reasonable to breastfeed in the baby changing room?

78 replies

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 10:39

I was out for lunch yesterday and there was a huge queue of people outside the changing room, my brother being one of them. A lady was breastfeeding in there which I thought was fair enough, maybe she's shy. But she was in there for 45 minutes and it was the only changing room in the restaurant and the smell of pooey nappies was beginning to waft!
What do you think? I know the baby had to be fed, but there also wasn't any other places to change any of the other babies. There was no chair in there so she must of been awfully uncomfortable standing or sitting on the floor.
Do you think places should have a changing table in the main toilets as well to avoid queues? Or would people find that gross?

OP posts:

Rinceoir · 29/08/2016 12:18

I would be annoyed too- my DD would get a bad rash if left in a dirty nappy for any length of time. I understand being nervous breastfeeding in public- I was in the beginning too. But you can't monopolise a changing room or a disabled access bathroom for so long.

LondonBus · 29/08/2016 12:25

I think if she was feeding in there (how do you even know she was? ) she must have been desperately shy and I feel sorry for her. 45mins is a long feed, so I guess she was struggling. Poor woman.

I don't think I'd have queued for 45 mins to change my baby...I'd have done it in the pushchair or car or somewhere.

There often are changing tables in the "public" area of toilets, aren't there?

hazeimcgee · 29/08/2016 12:58

Places that provide changing facilities in the disables tend not to put them elsewhere. Personally yhink they should be in every toilet. DS would have been changed in his pushchair

MrsJoeyMaynard · 29/08/2016 13:39

IME changing facilities are either in the "public" area of toilets (e.g. fold down table in a corner), combined with the disabled toilet, or in a separate stand alone room (least common).

It would be unusual to have a place with disabled / baby change plus baby change in main toilet area.

I suppose part of the problem is that you're not expecting a 45 min wait for the room to be free. So people could have been queuing while continually thinking it's bound to be free any minute now, or free before they'd get to another baby change area.

ArriettyMatilda · 29/08/2016 15:03

I'm wondering how you knew she was feeding in a locked room too. Was there s toilet in there did she possibly have an upset stomach?

emwantsbiscuits · 29/08/2016 16:17

I agree with the comments here. It's sad if she felt like she had to hide away. Also it must have been really annoying for the room to be unavailable for 45 minutes.

On the other hand, maybe she had received comments in the past and felt like it was the "done thing". Once I was happily breastfeeding in public wearing a breastfeeding top only to have a staff member insist that I go into the "breastfeeding room" a.k.a. The baby changing room. It's not great for anyone, the rooms smell and as you say, it inconveniences other people who need to change their babies.

Poor mums can't win whatever they do.

Original poster

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 16:52

We knew she was breastfeeding because her husband was sat a table by it eating his lunch and telling people she was in there breastfeeding and they'd have to wait.

OP posts:

DixieWishbone · 29/08/2016 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emwantsbiscuits · 29/08/2016 17:23

Fair enough umbongo. I would be v annoyed at being told "you'll have to wait". That's really rude.

PotatoBread · 29/08/2016 17:25

Unreasonable to feed in there if there was only one changing area and a long queue.

PotatoBread · 29/08/2016 17:26

Oh and having seem your latest update, her husband sounds like a knob. Even more unreasonable of them now.

WorraLiberty · 29/08/2016 17:31

A huge queue of people had left their restaurant tables and queued for forty five minutes, amongst the smell of shitty nappies?

And not one of them banged on the door, or got the restaurant manager to tell her to hurry up?

Blimey, there would have been a riot if that was my local.

Original poster

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 17:32

Well no one actually stood there for 45 minutes but it took her 45 minutes to come out as we're sat near the door to. My brother ended up changing his baby in his car as she had done a huge shit up her back!

OP posts:

firawla · 29/08/2016 17:32

If she really wants the privacy of using that space surely leaving the door unlocked so other parents can pop in and change a nappy would be a fair compromise, if the space is big enough. It's likely to be other mums of babies coming in, so not like feeding in public where she might be worried about being exposed in front of a lot of people or getting unwanted comments from other people. If there's only 1 room it's not really on to block it up for close to an hour!!!

Mermaid36 · 29/08/2016 17:41

I have fed and changed my 19 week old twins (5 weeks corrected) in baby changing rooms. In fact I did it today at a big Tesco.

However, once the girls were changed, and I was feeding them one by one, I made sure that other mums came in to use the room (no lock on the door)

The girls were screaming and I know there are no benches etc outside and I didn't fancy sitting in the open car boot in the tesco car park feeding them.

Original poster

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 17:42

See where I am nobody would go in there while she was in there even if she left the door unlocked. It would be a really weird thing to do.

OP posts:

OlennasWimple · 29/08/2016 17:44

Very British for everyone to just stand outside in a queue tutting to themselves about how inconvenient it all was, but not actually speak to the mum in question

Bubbinsmakesthree · 29/08/2016 17:45

Totally unreasonable to hog the only changing facilities for 45 minutes. Fair enough some people struggle with feeding, especially in the early days and it's not always as simple as 'stick baby on boob'. But if that's the case you get a scarf/cover for modesty, find a quiet corner, sit in the car or if needs must sit in a toilet cubicle if there is more than one available. Or if none of those suit you, stay at home. What you don't do is commander the only changing facility for 45 mins.

Advicepls7080 · 29/08/2016 17:54

YANBU because I imagine this mum if in your shoes wouldn't be best pleased at all.

PrimalLass · 29/08/2016 18:06

See where I am nobody would go in there while she was in there even if she left the door unlocked. It would be a really weird thing to do.

Why?

Original poster

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 18:08

primal you just don't round here. It would be weird.

OP posts:

Mermaid36 · 29/08/2016 18:14

3 mums came in when I was feeding, I said it was fine to come in whilst I was feeding and they came and changed their babies/toddlers with minimum fuss and a nice chat about my twins.

The room was more than large enough for my huge double pram and another pushchair. It was clean and not smelly. There was a chair in the corner next to a water machine, so ideal for breastfeeding. The other mum had plenty of room to access the changing table etc

MrsJoeyMaynard · 29/08/2016 18:29

See where I am nobody would go in there while she was in there even if she left the door unlocked. It would be a really weird thing to do.

Really?

That seems a bit silly to me, if you have a baby that needs a nappy change. I'd take an unlocked door in that situation as a signal that the breastfeeding mum didn't mind sharing the space for the duration of a nappy change. I've done so in the past at any rate.

It's certainly no weirder than monopolising the only changing room / disabled toilet for 45 mins in order to breastfeed.

Original poster

UmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2016 18:37

It's just not the done thing here to share a room like that.

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 29/08/2016 18:39

primal you just don't round here. It would be weird.

Then people have to accept waiting. Why on earth would it be weird to share a baby changing room?

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