AIBU - OH messaging girl nearly every day

[TemperanceBrennan]

My OH came home from a 'social drink' (night out) with his friends tonight about midnight and about 15 minutes ago he woke up and went to the bathroom to throw up (doesn't happen that often but fucks me off when he does it, he's not a teenager anymore - he's 42).

His phone flashed up so looked thinking who the hell is this at gone 1am and it was this girl that I've had problems with him messaging before. Said before that I'm reading too much into it etc and they're just good friends yada yada yada.

While he's huddled over the toilet I decide to have a look at this inbox thread and he appears to message her almost every single day and while it normally is every day conversation the fact that it's more often than I thought has really pissed me off now.

The nail on the coffin was the message that he sent her when he was out tonight - 'you looked hot behind the bar' (she works in the one pub they go to).

We've had problems in the past to do with trust issues but I thought that was behind us, it was in the first few years of our relationship when it started 10 years ago and I had started to trust him again but there was always something niggling in my mind that he messages other girls and doesn't mention it.

I don't think he's actually cheating but surely messaging 'a friend' almost every day and saying stuff like you looked hot behind the bar is unacceptable?

I bet you'd be able to change courses if you moved nearer to your parents. I bet your kids would be much happier if he wasn't there.

And as another poster said, you went to work because you were broke, but he went to the pub and got so drunk he was sick? You paid for that, didn't you?

He's awful, OP. Get rid.

OP, it's really worth talking with your lecturers or student adviser. If you explain the situation and how much you want to complete your course, there is a really good chance they will consider you doing your studies online or by distance even just for the rest of your current term or semester. Then either they can offer you continued flexible options to see out the course, or you could transfer to a new uni or to Open Universities. I am serious - it wouldn't be a difficult or scary conversation to have, and lecturers want to help students who seek their help and want to see through their studies.
If you think creatively and approach people who could help, there are ways to get you and your kids away from the current situation and closer to your family.

He sounds horrid, OP. It must be hell to watch your children not getting love either. I'm so sorry.