To think 15 and 13 is too old to relocate?

[NorthRose]

We currently live in San Francisco, DH has been offered a promotion based in London, England for 5 years starting April 2017.

At that point DS will be 15 turning 16 in September 2017 and DD will be 13 turning 14 in December 2017.

They're far too old to join the English school system so will have to attend an American School.

But my issue isn't the schooling, I think that they're far too old and too settled to be removed, they've lived in our house/our street/our neighbourhood their entire lives.

Although it's Europe I'm still worried about a culture shock, DCs do a lot of sports that may not be on offer in England, Hockey , Baseball, Lacrosse etc

Our entire family is in the U.S, DCs will both be attending University in America, with DD we'll be going back the year she's suppose to start but when DS moves back we'll still be located in England, which will just make the whole process a lot harder then it has to be.

DH has said that turning down the promotion means his career stagnates for a few years as he most likely won't be offered anything else for a long time.

Both DCs are on the fence about going.

I don't know if I'm being too cautious about this, it seems better to wait 4 or 5 years and then do the move if he's offered a similar opportunity when DCs both leave home.

Her son may look forward to having sex & drinking in the UK fairly soon, though.

OP didn't mention state resident fees... plus OP lives in Frisco which is flipping expensive, so I guess money for university fees is not an issue.

Exposure to other cultures is a good thing. Yes there would be culture shock and difficult moments. Challenges outside our comfort zones are very often very good things for us, it's good parenting to give our children opportunities to develop the resilience to deal with challenging situations.

Against that I'm thinking that with kids age 14-15 and big bucks the dad must already be earning, that the dad's career is pretty established... it's not like this is significant career risk to wait 5 yrs.

As an expat who has stayed and has children I gave read that if possible you should try and limit moving once they get into secondary education / puberty

Obviously a lot depends on how happy they are now and what will be available - but they are having a lot going on. Just by being teenagers without throwing more into the mix!

I suspect OP is talking about ice hockey, not field hockey. Am I right OP?

We play both types of hockey in the uk so that doesn't matter.

We haven't looked at locations yet, the job is in Canary Wharf but DH is use to a long commute. 90% of relocations fees and 100% of school fees will be paid by the company.

DCs school finishes in May, so DH will move first in April and then we'll move when schools close.

I do work, I'm a book editor, currently working for a publishing house, I'll be trying to get a job there. I'm not against the move, sorry if it sounds that way, 5 years isn't a long time and I think I'll manage well, if the DCs were 5 years younger or older I would have quickly agreed.

I moved to France from the UK at age 11, so just a couple of years younger.

I went to a French school and I had to repeat the first year. I found that year pretty traumatic, but that was mainly because I was in a country where I couldn't speak the language. There's no language barrier between US and UK (well, obviously there are examples like "hockey" meaning ice hockey v. field hockey) and if they attend an American school they won't have to get used to the British system.

I stayed in France until I was 25 - went to university there and then worked there for a few years. I'm now back in the UK and I have life-long friends in both countries and an understanding of two different cultures and ways of life.

My only hesitation in your position would be that if older DC went to university in America, you would obviously be a very long way away. Overall, I think being able to spend time in more than one country as a child/teenager is a pretty amazing opportunity.

I think you and your family would be missing an amazing opportunity if he turned down this promotion and situation.

Could you be the one more stressed and concerned about the move. All the unknowns, logistics?

Kids are pretty resilient I've found. I hope you do seriously consider going.

The roads shouldn't drive you crazy - nobody [sane/normal] drives in London! That would be kind of like having a car in NYC.

Will your housing costs be covered?

Actually. Seeing how young your DD is, I'd put her in the English school system. She'll make local friends & plenty of time to settle into the system before exams. I'd want her to make friends & be part of the community, not be in an ex pat type situation at an American school. Obviously different for DS being that bit older.

I don't think you're overthinking it - I do think it'd be a big change for them. Have you spoken to them about the idea at all?

We relocated from Hertfordshire to the Scottish Highlands when I was 14 and my sister 12. The school system was very different and it took a bit of getting used to but I have no regrets.

I wouldn't. The weather will drive you nuts, London will drive you nuts and there are a few extracurricular sports clubs but nothing like your teens are used to and the standard they are used to in these sports. I'd move to the Bay Area in a heartbeat though!

Weather is not so different (ime).

How would the roads drive you crazy? There are crossings.

They'll be absolutely fine! Military kids move every three years. My kids have been in three different school systems, international school, primary and some high school in Scotland and they're now in a DOD school. Kids adapt easier than adults.

I've done the expat lifestyle. It's amazing and Imo culturally brilliant for your dcs (as well as you). If it were my DD at that age, I would probably do it. But she's not that age yet, so it is hard to tell. Your dcs will be probably going to an American school so changing schools shouldn't be that painful. I met Americans in Belgium, who moved their kids around at this sort of age and schooling surprisingly didn't seem a major issue for them, which surprised me somewhat. Having done the whole expat thing, it would say yes, go for it in a heartbeat. And you won't be cooped up in smelly London. Rather in a lovely, big house in a great neighbourhood. The house may not be quite as big as you're used to because British houses are a lot smaller.

If your dh refuses this time, I don't see how anyone can assume there will be a next time in 5 years time or that he will ever get another opportunity to get foot up the ladder in this company. This may be his one chance or they may ask him again at a later date. Realistically if he said no once, he is far less likely to be offered a position like this again. I'm not saying this to be dramatic, just realistic.

The difference between San Francisco and London is immense. You would be giving up the climate, the beach, the outdoor lifestyle. London is great for culture and buzz but the compromises are the affordability of housing, small and high density housing, overcrowded and dirty public transport, crime & anti-social behaviour. If you were moving from New York, for example, I think it would be less of a culture-shock.

5 years is a long time. Would you be able to move back sooner if you hate it?

Friends did it from Canada last year with kids 16, 14 and 8. Put them into private schools (day for 2, boarding for 1) and the kids are absolutely thriving. They actually put them into the schools just before the end of the academic year so that they would be settled for September and had started to make friends for the holidays. All thriving and I am v jealous if seeing their seemingly monthly jaunts to Florence/ Venice/ Amsterdam/ Paris etc. The fabulous thing about London (ignoring London itself) is the fact that it is so close to everywhere else in Europe. If you are the sort of family that has regular world trips etc then this is not much of an advantage, but if you are straightforward North American travellers with the standard annual trip to the cottage/ Mexico, then I would leap at this opportunity with both hands. Time to explore the world!

Ice Hockey in London, reassurance

An American school will probably play American sports.

Other than that it sounds like an ideal time to move. London s a brilliant multicultural city (with lots of publishing houses) and travel broadens the mind. They'll miss their friends but also make great new ones.

I think your kids are the perfect age to get something out of the experience.

I love London but I would never move my kids at that age. In fact as soon as they start high school I will not be moving them. The friendships are so important at that age as is stability in the teen years and I think it would be very difficult (unless they really want to go of course!).

Yeah cos there's no dirt, crime or anti-social behaviour in San Francisco. Come on.

ASC Cobham is large with a fairly fluid population, takes in quite a lot of boarders especially for the final two years, has strong sports (really strong in girls soccer but I assume equally so in other popular American sports), and with really good experience and support for American college applications.

Cobham is leafy commuter belt with a large American community. And not too far from Guildford Surrey ice rink.

So not too big a step educationally or culturally, and a brilliant experience.

You are way over-thinking it, and making a lot of assumptions rather than actually researching. Your children are not little kids - have you discussed it with them?

We have ice hockey here, and have just won an Olympic medal in field hockey. Lacrosse over here is commonly a girls' sport but it's entirely possible to find boys' teams. We have baseball too. But even if we didn't, the UK not having a sport is a really stupid thing to base your move on.

You will be broadening your children's cultural horizons, giving them an opportunity that few people get to experience, and if you discuss it with them first and let them be involved, treating them like the grown ups they will soon be.

My family relocated a lot - I have lived in the UK, US, and about a dozen other countries besides, and yes the first 6 months are an upheaval but children gain so much more from the opportunity than they lose.

Plus, in a few years they will be off to college - this experience of starting again in terms of friends and culture will be great prep for that.

We play both types of hockey. Not baseball, though we have similar games I think. (Rounders? Anyone?) No such game as soccer over here though, closest thing is football.

5 years isn't long. If I had the chance to spend 5 years living in a different country, I would go for it. It'll be an experience and your DH is unlikely to be offered again if he declines. I know it's a long way but realistically you could visit every year and have family to stay and use Skype. You wouldn't have to lose touch. I have family living in Australia that I talk to all the time and others who only live ten minutes away on the tube that I haven't seen or spoken to in years. I don't even think my kids have ever met them.