AIBU to ask you who is BU?

[Onthedowns]

I am currently stuck in the middle of my DH and DSIS and DM and finding it hard. I have 4 year old just about to start school and 6 month old. My DSIS had two children 6 and 4 another one on the way. My parents lucky enough to own house abroad which we have used I past along with rest of family. We are trying to sort out next years holidays we will be restricted to school holidays. My DSIS is favourited and parents provide a lot of childcare, next year they will be away for whole summer , as my DSIS will be on mat leave and won't need childcare. (I might but it's their prerogative). We were discussing looking at flights to go see parents next summer when DM pipes up that DSIS will be there the whole 6 weeks along with children, dbil will be for two weeks this makes trying to visit difficult as only 3 bedrooms not enough room. I tried speaking to DSIS who isn't sure of dates flying yet and waiting for cheap flights to come out. DH is angry as he thinks it's selfish as no one esle can affectively visit and neither of them have thought about my children seeing grandparents or us fitting holiday in school holiday time, effectively a cheaper holiday too. He also thinks it's weird that dbil won't see his children including 5 month old baby for a month. I am stuck I see both sides but also peed off that DSIS gets favourited again and my parents don't care if me and my children don't see them for 3 months. It's convinent that they provided childcare for my DSIS this whole summer holiday and stayed at home but next year bugger off. It's creating a lot of tension please help!

for you OP. My parents are similar with my golden child sister and her children. They look after my nephews in school hols but won't have mine in case my sister needs them to have hers at last minute. If we try and arrange to visit we get told to wait while they check the favoured ones don't want that weekend. On occasion we've been "bumped" from a visit or told we'll have to sleep in the living room as sister has decided to come that weekend.
I've tried reasoning, getting upset, getting angry, not visiting in the hope they'll miss is. But what PPs have said is true. You can't make someone change their behaviour. I've sadly accepted my parents adore my sister and her children and don't really care about me/mine.

Arfarf is right- why the hell wouldn't you be jealous when you are treated so differently?

Go for it

Any chance your dsis would come a week late so 5 weeks instead if it means you can stay? If she's not booked flights yet it's worth an ask.

I have asked about week later and asked dropped hints but no it's set in stone about the 6 weeks! It's sad as in them Mian I get on well with DSIS but things are getting noticeable and I don't want my eldest noticing

You will get rebuffed if you tell them how you feel that isn't a adoption thing it's them squaring their behaviour with themselves thing.

You are stronger braver and wiser as a mum than you think because you are working it all out without them

Thanks I get that I just don't know if it's my own Insecurities sometimes or how families are normally and I should put up with it. But sometimes I do get made to feel I should be eternally grateful money wise give or take I have had the same but that has never bothered me

Why don't you go at Easter instead.

As for your BIL not seeing the kids for a month, it isn't that unusual. I have friends who take their kids away to a holiday or second home for the whole summer holiday and Dad joins them for the fortnight. It's not uncommon for British families and even more common in some overseas countries where families move to the cooler mountain holiday homes as the cities are unhealthy for kids in the summer heat but Dad still needs to work.

I just don't know if it's my own Insecurities if it is then you still have every right to expect your family to support you.

Arf is right, her post could be used, word for word.

Your DH sounds as though he is simmering... he seems to have noticed their behaviour is odd, so, if you don't trust your own feelings, let him be your guide.

But you are not BU to feel how you do. Cut loose. Make other arrangements. Be more independent, trust your own family unit.

Good luck

We could go at Easter by parents likely to be away then too, it's all directed to DSIS and her children she will be on mat leave so won't need so won't need so much child care. Plus the whole family going to France expecting us to do both summer and that we can't do unless we were able to visit parents in summer as it's cheaper , France in half term is expensive in May