Advice to those about to get married.....

[Vagabond]

I caught up with my neighbour yesterday who is due to marry her partner of 15 years (2 kids) in January. She seemed stressed out and wired.

I asked her why she was so stressed? The wedding! she said.... "the dress" and "everything else".

I just wish brides wouldn't get so stressed, but how to tell them? Nobody cares about their dress. Nobody cares about the party favours on the table. Just provide somewhere to sit, good food and booze and nobody will care. It bugs me soooo much that couples spend so much on their weddings when nobody really cares about the small things. People just want to see you happy!. Chill out and enoy! Save the money for a deposit on your house. THAT is what marriage is about. Not a big wedding. How can anybody really stress about a dress?!! It's so fleeting.... and insubstantial. Think of the future.

Go down the registry office with two witnesses wearing a sundress/dirty jeans/nothing but a fur coat and Chanel No 5, and you're as married as the maniac who spent £20k and two years of her life on Ferris wheels of sweets, a Vera Wang number, twelve bridesmaids, and the Berlin Philharmonic playing the wedding march.

Society still tells women this is the most important day of their lives, but you're perfectly at liberty to think that's patriarchal bollocks.

My advice to my 4 kids has always been that a wedding is one day where the marriage is forever (or as long as you can manage!)
I have never seen the point in spending thousands for one day in what is hopefully a long marriage.
Spend more time concentrating on what happens after than that one day, after all the hope going in is that the marriage will be longer.

I had a register office job.Inexpensive outfits, just a ring for me. Literally our immediate family - parents, grandparents, siblings and their children. We had a photographer take a set number of (very nice) photos, then all went back to our little flat for a homemade buffet, wedding cake and "toasts". Then we left them all to go for a one night honeymoon in a nice hotel in Windsor. The next day was torrential rain so we skipped looking around Windsor castle, and just went home to our flat which everyone had tidied for us. 26 years later, we're still going strong. Not having a huge wedding hasn't hampered us in any way, and we don't feel any less married.

Go down the registry office with two witnesses wearing a sundress/dirty jeans/nothing but a fur coat and Chanel No 5, and you're as married as the maniac who spent £20k and two years of her life on Ferris wheels of sweets, a Vera Wang number, twelve bridesmaids, and the Berlin Philharmonic playing the wedding march

^
This

Big flash Wedding does not = better marriage.

I'm getting married in three weeks so am enjoying this thread.

I don't feel particularly stressed but that's probably because we're not bothering with a lot of the things people seem to stress about - no favours, chair bows/covers, matching outfits, etc.

It's a small wedding that'll hopefully be about us formally committing to each other in front of a small number of people who we love. I'm hoping none of them will be sitting there thinking "they'll be divorced in a year" ...

I've just gotten married and stressful part was other people not replying and having to sort out food as wanted enough for everyone. But hate this oh it's only a wedding snobbery, it's hopefully the only one we have, I want to look back at a beautiful dress and a fab day which i can and day we did it exactly how we wanted. We didn't spend a fortune only 3grand which is a lot to us but worth it

Dhs cousin spent 10s of thousands of £ on his wedding in Bali - the bride had 3 (yes, 3) dresses for the day, one being a Vera wang gown
A year down the line they separated and are now divorced

More money spent does not = happier outcome
But I realise many women would not be happy in a £200 sale dress like mine
Each to their own
Sadly, I have known many many marriages that foundered very soon after the long awaited, long planned and very costly wedding.
IF I ever married again I would just sod off somewhere and do it quietly - no fuss at all

I think the OP was actually about just chillin out about things! There is nothing wrong with any of the bows and whistles that brides want these days, as long as it doesn't start stressing you out! If it does, then that spoils the run up, when you should be relaxed.

Let's face it, are the grooms all wound up by flip flops, Ferris wheels or pretty packets of tissues with personal messages on? I doubt he really gives a shit! And neither do the guests. They are beautiful finishing touches, for sure, but your guests will be just as happy without them.

I certainly haven't said I think it's all a pile of shit and a waste of money, my first post here just expressed how sad it was that the groom at the wedding I went to, spent the evening calculating how much it was costing him per minute! That is very sad. And the bride btw, told me at about 9pm, that she was absolutely knackered and really just needed to go home to bed!

Maureenmlove because they were nasty control freaks who couldn't handle a wedding situation for some reason or another. Maybe because the spotlight was off them so they had to turn it back onto them by making a massive fuss? Who knows.

Btw, ime with friends the forced 'oh my wedding is so much more laid back and non- traditional than everyone else's' thing was short hand for v expensive do my parents sorted out for me, and got a bit cringy tbh.

I know a woman who was so stressed out by planning her own wedding that her hair fell out . It will surprise none of you to learn she is a massive control freak.