Advice to those about to get married.....

[Vagabond]

I caught up with my neighbour yesterday who is due to marry her partner of 15 years (2 kids) in January. She seemed stressed out and wired.

I asked her why she was so stressed? The wedding! she said.... "the dress" and "everything else".

I just wish brides wouldn't get so stressed, but how to tell them? Nobody cares about their dress. Nobody cares about the party favours on the table. Just provide somewhere to sit, good food and booze and nobody will care. It bugs me soooo much that couples spend so much on their weddings when nobody really cares about the small things. People just want to see you happy!. Chill out and enoy! Save the money for a deposit on your house. THAT is what marriage is about. Not a big wedding. How can anybody really stress about a dress?!! It's so fleeting.... and insubstantial. Think of the future.

[RaeSkywalker]

I cared about the little things, but I wasn't stressed about them. I would've married Dh anywhere. I think the best advice is not to worry if something goes 'wrong'- nobody will care unless it's something that stops the ceremony or the food happening

... I was a little worried about my dress, I was worried that DH wouldn't like it or that it wouldn't fit me on the day!

[RaeSkywalker]

Loreli we had a basket of flip flops by the dance floor for women with sore feet from heels! They all went so I guess they were appreciated.

[expatinscotland]

' and a Ferris wheel of sweets'

Oh, FFS, what is this fucking trend with sweets everywhere at weddings? Or worse, sweets instead of real fucking food.

[Badders123]

Maureen...
Maybe that's why I couldn't get too worked up about it?
I've never been the "girl who planned her wedding since she was 4 type"
So I just sort of went with the flow really
Cheap dress (sale)
Cheap flowers (friend)
Cheap invites (I made them)
Cheap cars (2 for 1)
My mil made the 2 bridesmaids dresses
Only thing we spent money on was the reception - lovely food
But I got married 17 years ago - it seems much more of a "thing" now
Everyone desperate to be "different" or "edgy"
Meh

[Pecena]

I agree with the OP. Guests remember weddings only if they are different - a good party, or a fight or something else that's remarkable. So, just try to throw a good party and don't worry about the tiny details.
The important bit for the bride and groom are the vows and maybe the speeches. The rest is just background noise.

[PhoebeGeebee]

I had a fairly low key wedding abroad but I did have the usual trappings - flowers and bridesmaids and table names and favours. I'm not a stressy person and enjoyed organising and seeing it all come together. Yes, there were stressful parts but finding a way to overcome them was almost enjoyable!

It's fine if you only had a small wedding with no stress, but it doesn't mean you enjoyed it more than someone who spent a year planning a big wedding. Some people do really love the tiny details.

[ethelb]

Gosh this is smug. Sneering at women for something they are made to believe is important.

And well done you if no one cared about your dress. Well fucking done you.

Here are some things members of mine and my husbands family fussed about:

The colour of my shoes
The colour of my nails
The colour of my dress
The temperature of the cheese
The temperature of the chocolate
The volume of the music
The type of chairs

I could go on.

If you honestly had a simple happy wedding that went well, and you came out the other end with your family relationships intact, maybe just be grateful rather than sneering at people less fortunate than you.

[Badders123]

Smug?
Hardly
Why should I care about one fucking day!?
And actually my mil did turn into a bit of a harridan
I just ignored her

[MaureenMLove]

Tis the done thing now! Providing flip flops for people who want to change out of their heels! Gone are the days of making a circle of shoes and bags on the dance floor!

[YvaineStormhold]

If you have any money/assets get a pre-nup.

Sorry, I know that's not very romantic, but neither is marriage - it's a legally binding contract. And marrying money can turn people...odd.

[Badders123]

Ooooh yes!
At my wedding reception there were loads of pairs of really expensive looking shoes lined up by the dance floor
I fear we might be showing our age Maureen!

[MargaretCavendish]

maybe just be grateful rather than sneering at people less fortunate than you.

Oh come on, really? I think some people have a genuinely harder time of it because of family issues - for instance, if your parents won't be in the same room then that is a real and genuine stress. But getting yourself worked up about the details is a choice - and (and this will get me flamed) I think it tends to be a choice made by (mostly) women who don't have much else going on. When we were planning our wedding I was a new lecturer and my husband was doing a PGCE. We just didn't have time to care about the colour of napkins. I refuse to accept that the poor souls who did 'have' to care about such things were inherently 'less fortunate'. For a start, they usually seem to have rather larger budgets than mine!

[OhTheRoses]

The vows:

For the avoidance of sin
For the procreation of children
For mutual comfort

We turned them round. I also obeyed because I would never have married a man who I thought would ever have asked me to do anything unreasonable.

We spent far more time and thought over the readings, hymns and music. I still remember the service and being overwhelmed by the spirituality of being married before and blessed by God.

Our wedding was entirely stress free. All arrangements were made before the engagement was announced. 110 guests, one bridesmaid, one best man, three ushers.

Frock, cake, flowers, cars, good food, plenty of champagne and at the last minute barrels of beer and Pimms because the temperature hit 90. My flowers wilted.

I found choosing my dress for our silver wedding this summer harder because I wanted people to think I'd aged well. Lots of our original guests were there and we drank to our grandparents and fathers and others who have passed away but celebrated our children and the next generation.

[Badders123]

I went to a wedding fair once
There was a girl there having a fit because the napkins weren't the right shade of blue
I was agog I tell you
It's a choice to get that worked up about pointless shit
Actual real problems? Fine
But napkins and favours?
Grow the fuck up

[Badders123]

I didn't obey btw
I didn't see the point vowing to do something I knew I wouldn't do

[Badders123]

Oh!
I'd forgotten that!
One of our ushers (my cousin) wore the wrong trousers (black not pinstripe)
So everyone who hadnt met dh thought he was the groom!!

[maddiemookins16mum]

Hmmm, I planned my wedding this year with no stress. I booked florist, cake, venue etc through research. All was fine. My biggest "worry" was the weather (but even that was lovely). My first dress was not quite right so I got another (Monsoon and got a refund on the first one). Weddings are as stressful as you make them. Favours, I did them, they were appreciated and I liked them so who cares what anyone else thinks. Wedding all in for 42 people was £3,847.00. Bargain, and I'd do it again tomorrow (but obviously wont).

[IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes]

Don't know how people can even work up the energy to care about weddings or marriage both are tedious as fuck and old fashioned. In my opinion anyway.

[OhTheRoses]

Your opinion and you're entitled to it.

[MaureenMLove]

Seriously Ethelb? Someone moaned about the colour of your nail varnish and the temperature of the chocolate? Why would someone, you had invited to be part of your special day, be so rude to question those things?

[LittlestB]

I'm in the middle of planning my wedding right now and I'm enjoying it. Even the little things. But evidently am idiotic and should have only spent £10 and invited 4 people. Better go tell DP our lives together are doomed to failure.

[LeggyLinda]

My opinion might not go down well with some people, but I honestly believe that weddings are only stressful if you are marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reason.
Generally, a good marriage does not need to begin with excessive trivial bits and bobs. A nice day with nice friends is all that is needed.

[frenchknitting]

Depends on your situation, I think. By the time I'd got married, we had already bought a flat and then a house, and I had considered myself as "married" as it was possible to be for many years.

I was very happy to get married, but it didn't change anything in my life, other than the legalities.

Also, 75% of the guests needed to travel to my wedding, as our families were from opposite ends of the country, we met in a different city and then lived in a yet different one by the time we were married. So actually, I think if you are inviting people to travel miles for your wedding, you do have a bit of a responsibility to make sure they are going to have a good time.

[OhTheRoses]

I can see your point LeggyLinda. I got married with no doubts and was thrilled that DH had asked me out at all, let alone to marry him.

Marriage is hard enough work when everything I right.

[fabulous01]

Everything I see a wedding I think... They will be divorced in a year!
Me and bloke aren't married but we have been to many first and second weddings. Lovely and everything and each to their own but certainly not for me