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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to be an adult with no children

94 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 27/08/2016 14:18

The title is a bit misleading. We have two dc's both of which have gone away with the grandparents this weekend. We were pretty young when we had them so we wern't childfree adults for very long.
So far we've gone for a meal, had a few drinks, watched a film till 3am and stayed in bed till noon.
We want to make the most of it. I suggested going on a big night out but it's manchester pride so dh doesn't think this is a good idea.
Any suggestions...We're free.....Wine

OP posts:
StrawberryMummy90 · 28/08/2016 05:12

I am so jealous OP!! Enjoy!

WamBamThankYouMaam · 28/08/2016 06:17

Isany I'm also in that situation and it's still a massive over reaction.

Perhaps a parenting forum may not be the best place for you if you're so easily offended by people talking about their child free time.

MrsMook · 28/08/2016 06:53

We've just had our first night out as a couple in 2 years! I was a bit nervous about what we'd talk about. Conversation moves on much quicker when you're not being interrupted. We went into town for drinks and a nice spicy meal. Novelty!

Outnumbrd · 28/08/2016 07:10

I remember feeling like this, after my first 2 who were born really close together, double buggy!! I couldn't even walk in the street properly without pushing it!! It seems so weird looking back!! Hope you had a nice night !

Motherfuckers · 28/08/2016 07:20

How can you not know how to be a person in your own right? Are you just an extension of your children? That is very sad, have you thought of therapy?

EnquiringMingeWantsToKnow · 28/08/2016 07:28

That's not what she means at all MF. But with a very small amount of childfree couple time available there's suddenly a lot of pressure to use it for something that you can only do without children and your mind goes blank.

Motherfuckers · 28/08/2016 07:34

The thread title is just so twatty though. I can see why isany was a little upset. If the OP really doesn't know how to function as an adult beyond being a mother then that is incredibly sad and she may want explore that in therapy.

youarenotkiddingme · 28/08/2016 07:37

Some people can be offended by anything.

Clearly this thread was a lighthearted stealth boast! thread about what to do when children are away.

And yes, if you've always planned your days around children you may not know what is out there for adults - best bars and restaurants etc. Not everyone has access to childcare or the funds for it.

Glad you had a good night. I'm sure it'll be a few hours until you are up and reading this thread again!

Phineyj · 28/08/2016 07:57

I also think the thread title was misleading.

DoinItFine · 28/08/2016 07:59

I can see why isany was upset.

The thread title suggests someone coming to terms with never having children. Or someone who children have died.

Not someone in the extremely fortunate position of having both children and parents young and well enough to take them for days at a time.

And from the OP it seems that the misleading title was not a mistake.

I think you should maybe change the title. It's misleading abd it has akready upset someone who is having a shit time at the moment.

isany Flowers I'm so sorry, that sounds shit.

RosaRosaRose · 28/08/2016 08:05

THERAPY? Ffs.

ditavonteesed · 28/08/2016 08:05

glad you had fun, I have had a week child free as they were away at grandparents at work for most of it but just slobbed out in the evening, then we both took a day off and went out to eat and went to the cinema. Yesterday dh went to pick them up so I am completly alone, went out for dinner with a friend and then settled in with a boxset. Its nice not having to plan everything.

MissDuke · 28/08/2016 08:14

Glad you had fun op! I can see the point others are making about the title of the thread, you could report it and ask for it to be changed if you agree? If you don't agree then that is fair enough!

Lifegavemelemons · 28/08/2016 08:25

Oh ffs. This is a parenting forum, "by parents for parents" , a lighthearted thread about a child free weekend is bog standard - the thread title might not get an A* but it's is perfectly OK, OP is not sitting a GCSE in "writing the perfectly accurate thread title to reflect the contents of the opening message". I knew what the thread was about as soon as I read the opening message.

Lots of noisy sex in rooms other than your bedroom OP - that's the way to go Grin

DoinItFine · 28/08/2016 08:38

Exactly, a parenting forum that has a lot of members that are desperately sad about their ongoing attempts to become parents and many others who have sadly lost children.

Why write and post a deliberately confusing thread title?

One that compares a week of childfree time with not having children at all?

It's just unnecessary and insensitive. And the first sentence of the first post acknowledges that it is misleading. So it was not accidental.

And it has hurt the feelings of at least one person already.

Is it really OK to deliberately choose a thread title that seems like it's about a serious situation that is a reality for many people and then say "SURPRISE! My children exist and are fine!! I'm just looking for ideas for what to do when I'm bored!!!"

I don't think it is.

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 28/08/2016 13:34

I think the thread title is reasonable. I didn't know how to be an adult with no children and that is what I asked. I really didnt know what else to call it. I have posted this on a parenting website, and just to add.. (not in ttc etc). Some people are far too sensitive and love a bit if drama. I won't be changing the thread title as it does correlate with my post. Ffs!

OP posts:
Chihuahualala · 28/08/2016 13:45

Agree lemon drizzle, the thread title was fine and some people just post to piss on others chips.

Hope you enjoyed your child free weekend (my actual life by choice) and here's to more of them in the future for you! Wine

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 28/08/2016 14:11

Thanks Chihuahualala. Some people will find a problem with anything.
You know it has been bliss, I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time but I'm aching to have them back this evening Smile

OP posts:
AnUtterIdiot · 28/08/2016 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BestZebbie · 28/08/2016 14:23

I thought it was going to be about empty-nesters...

Hadjab · 28/08/2016 14:47

I've suddenly remembered why I don't visit Mumsnet that often. Too much taking things out of context, lack of comprehension, assumptions and hurt feelings.
We all have shit to deal with in our personal lives - I am now a carer to my husband, and with 3 kids, I don't get to go out, or have time away. Am I bitter that my situation is shit? Yes. Am I going to shit on total strangers because of it? No. Why? I don't know, maybe it's because I'm a reasonable person who doesn't feel that complete strangers could possibly be attacking me or my situation personally.

youarenotkiddingme · 28/08/2016 15:05

I thought thread about last child fleeing the nest too.

Loads of thread titles on MN can be misinterpreted - well across the www as a whole. It's hard to explain a whole thread context and co tent in ten words or less.
The OP explains what it meant.

TheNaze73 · 28/08/2016 15:13

Nothing wrong with the thread title OP. Just go with the flow & do all the things you wish you could but couldn't with kids about

isanyusernamenotinuse · 28/08/2016 15:18

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I'm clearly utterly wrong for feeling the way I do. Maybe I'm a horrible person who enjoys killing threads or maybe I'm someone who read a thread title of someone who I assumed was going through the same childless infertile times as myself and instead found a post which really hurt me. I can't help that it felt like that but it really struck deep. It did hurt me, whether right or wrong.

Morsecode · 28/08/2016 15:24

I read this thread yesterday and was laughing away, imagining OP and her DH all bewildered at being left on their own. Then the joy suckers arrived with their massive self importance and sense of entitlement to piss all over the thread.

So what if the title was slightly misleading? Did they not read the rest of the OP? FWIW I can't have children either, but I would consider myself beyond pathetic if I was roaming a parenting site only looking to be offended at nothing.